Poltergay Page #2

But we need a change.

- Any ideas?

- Out! Or it's the cops!

The boys in blue!

The boys in blue!

I prefer firemen!

I'm Giles. I'm a rep with BASF.

They're showing off. Fags!

I'm not. You know?

I just come to dance!

So dance away!

And take your pals with you!

OK?

OK?

You don't get it!

What's going on?

Don't worry, it's alright.

And the shovel?

Don't touch me!

- It's for them!

- There's nobody there!

Shut up!

You're drinking at night, now?

It's not me who's drinking, it's them!

They opened our wine. Stop it!

- Mark, you're insane!

- They opened our wine. Stop it!

Quiet!

- Call the cops!

- Quiet!

You're nuts! You're nuts!

What? You're nuts!

I'm nuts? So what do you call this, then?

A cellar.

Emma! You can see this sh*t!

OK. You're fun guys, and great dancers...

I don't care who you are...

but get lost! OK!

The boys in blue!

OK, great!

I'll call them myself!

It's always the same.

Never there when you need them.

Stop it, Mark! Stop it!

You saw it down there!

You're scaring me! You're mad!

Are you blind, or what?

You saw those guys!

- What's your game?

- My game?

Have you seen yourself?

What are you on? Booze? Drugs?

You need a shrink!

Of course.

You're calling a shrink now?

We'll see who's nuts!

David? Is this a bad time?

Yeah, but... wait!

Can you come over to the house please?

Can we turn the music down!

What's the big deal?

That!

The cellar?

You must help me! I see guys!

- Just guys, in the cellar?

- No! Everywhere!

In the shower...

kissing, showing their asses!

Kissing, showing their asses?

Kissing, showing their asses?

- You're gay!

- But David!

Either mad, or gay.

But see a psycho-thingy.

You're not a well person.

Take that to help you sleep.

- I don't like pills.

- But you're too stressed.

One every two days.

With a glass of water for one week.

OK.

So, I'll call you.

Bye!

"Just guys!"

Oh, it's you!

Pyjamas in the shower now!

Oh, yeah!

I forgot. Must be those damned pills.

Scared of being naked?

Not with you!

I mean...

I'm late! Gotta run!

Mr Trayner!

I know, I know!

You piss me off.

- I've warned you!

- Absolutely!

But trust me! I'll make it up!

Let's do it for Mr Trayner!

Hip-hip-hooray, let's build!

Hi!

What's that?

A cue-rack.

Ugly, isn't it.

- Dad didn't come by.

- No.

So how are you?

- Fine.

- Really?

Fine, fine!

You saw someone?

Yeah! But I'll tell you later.

Are you sick of me?

No, why?

Don't force yourself!

I can force myself a little!

He'll stretch the material!

- The fabric!

- OK?

Yeah, yeah!

Show your tits!

Shut up Ivan!

- Do you still fancy me?

- I do!

- F***!

- Mark!

Maybe we can talk now?

We've got a proposal for you.

- Help us escape!

- Get lost!

You're busting my balls!

That sounds like fun!

Get out!

Who're you talking to now?

Get out!

To those bastards!

Stop it!

What luck! It didn't break!

It wasn't luck. It should have broken.

- That guy caught it.

- Sure.

You can't see the guy in white?

- Stop it!

- Watch this!

Take a glass...

drop it...

and it breaks!

and it breaks!

- But he couldn't catch it! Wait...

- And it breaks!

- Wait...

- Stop it! Stop it!

Wait... watch again!

- Stop it!

- It's OK!

Now, you catch it. OK?

Yes!

You'll see!

I'm off!

You're mad!

This time we count down. Like NASA...

You're mad!

Ready? 3, 2, 1...

Idiot!

You're certifiable!

You didn't catch it?

You just want us out, no?

You're out, OK!

He wants to marry us!

Let's play tag!

Kissie-kissie!

Can't catch us!

- That you, Mark?

- Yeah!

It's taken!

Straight fascist!

She told you to fix the step!

You didn't hurt your thingy?

I can massage it!

Just helping!

Not that way!

Go ahead, make my day! Hit me!

Show me your thingy!

That's not a good omen!

Anyone home?

Emma sweetie! It's Dad!

Anyone home?

"Took the drill. Dad."

"LSD. Handcuffs..."

"Yum-yum"

Whacko!

Hurts like that, huh!

Don't f*** with me in my house!

What did you do?

I got one of them!

Dad! Are you all right?

Answer me!

Mr Chevallier!

Don't touch me!

What a savage!

And with just a shovel!

So butch!

I'm sorry.

For the insurance. Thanks.

You're staying with your Dad?

I'm leaving.

But you'll be back tomorrow?

You'll be back?

- Why?

- You attacked Dad!

I know, but... I love you!

Listen:
it's over!

You cheat on me...

fantasize about men...

steal my panties and hear voices!

What?

She said you fantasize about men...

Shut it!

For the photographer!

Man or woman.

But I don't know...

I don't know who took it!

You're scaring me! I can't take this!

I'll see someone, tomorrow!

I thought you already had?

Yes, I went there but...

Iet's go back in!

Emma, I love you!

Sh*t!

Sh*t! Sh*t! Sh*t!

A guy crying,

and with pecs like that...

makes your heart bleed!

There's something in my eye...

She's hot when she's mad!

- Shame she's gone!

- Enough, Ivan!

Straights and their tiffs!

I see men...

in my room...

in the shower...

in the cellar...

but, let's be clear:

I'm not homosexual, OK?

Of course not! What's your job?

Construction.

I'm a site manager.

A man's world.

Yes.

So you work exclusively with men...

Er, yeah.

That's interesting.

And these men...

I'm the only one who sees them!

Mr Modena...

You are the victim of hallucinations.

Fine. Why?

If we restrict our instincts,

or restrain our desires...

we may have certain visions.

When you say visions,

- what do you mean?

- Time's up. That's 45 euros, please.

Wait, wait!

If I get a change of scene...

or sell the house,

maybe that would help?

Change your head. That's the problem.

In cash, of course.

- I only have this.

- I owe you 5.

"GAY"

We'll delve into that next time.

Make a new appointment...

Listen to me!

But what can I do? My wife's left me!

I'm all alone!

You have homosexual fantasies.

Accept it.

Act upon it.

You'll feel much better.

- I'm sorry.

- It's OK.

- Thanks.

- Never mind.

I've made tea.

I always said that boy wasn't for us.

For you, I mean.

Oh, look! I love it...

Valerie's such a space case,

she's left her gymbag!

I need to talk...

She's got a 15-day course in Cuba,

with her coach...

And she's the only girl!

David... I'm wondering if...

I might be gay.

Pass the crisps.

- Did you hear me?

- Gay. Yes. I heard. I told you that.

- So?

- So, nothing.

You're not my type.

Hey, take it easy.

That explains the guys in the cellar.

So who is it? A colleague?

- Who's who?

- Whaddya mean who?

Your boyfriend!

For f***'s sake!

It's Carlos, the Portuguese guy.

You guys are always... It's Carlos!

I knew it!

No boyfriend!

Right.

Carlos met your Dad?

- Are you deaf! I don't have a boyfriend!

- So you just screw around?

I've never screwed a guy.

You said you were gay?

- Yes.

- And gays do guys.

You can't generalise.

Not all gays do guys.

But... you do want to screw a guy?

No!

Screw your dumb questions!

I have to go:
my grandma's 80th birthday.

Where's my tie?

Oh God!

Look, Mark!

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