Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping Page #3

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When the Style Boyz

broke up... (SIGHS)

Damn.

The only other time

I remember being that sad

was when they killed Josh

Charles on The Good Wife-

(SINGING) I'm a Style Boy

for life (ALL CHEERING)

DEBORAH:
Y'all ready for this?

Yeah.

Okay. Welcome to the future, b*tches.

(some PLAYS)

(CHUCKLES)

That's Conner's song.

Whoa!

(SONG STOPS)

(some PLAYS)

(ALL CHEERING)

(CHEERING)

Okay, both sides.

Okay.

It's fun, right?

ALL:
Yeah.

You know, it's my favorite.

I like the freezer one.

Listen to this, homies. We

can upload your entire album

to fridges,

washer-dryers, blenders,

and microwaves

across the country.

You could do that?

Yes, nerd.

It's just Wi-Fi jibber jabber.

It's not a big deal.

Nobody doing appliance

sh*t, my nigga.

Ain't that right, my n*gger? No

one is doing appliance sh*t.

HARRY:
Okay,

went with the hard

This is that next,

next, next, man.

I told you all,

Deborah's a genius.

It's true, and it is

also pronounced "Deboarrah."

"Deboarrah." Oh, that's very cool.

ALL:
"Deboarrah."

What's the origin of that?

Uh, I believe Deborah.

That was ridiculous.

Right? Oh, my God,

yes, that was insane.

I mean, who would wanna

listen to music that way?

Swag. CONNER:
I know

it's kind of weird,

but Aquaspin's gonna help us

get the music out there, man.

I mean... You don't think

people are gonna have a problem

when musk:
"gust

appears 'm thew houses'?

CONNER:
Look, I know

it sounds lame,

but there's no such thing

as selling out anymore, man.

This is how big business works.

I mean, nowadays,

if you don't sell out,

people will wonder

if nobody asked you to.

Right.

But look, dude,

if you're not comfortable

with it, we could rethink it.

No, man, it's cool.

It's cool.

All right, cool.

Let's get in the car.

This jacket's making

me sweat my ass off.

Yeah, it's f***ing hot

as sh*t out here.

AUTOMATED VOICE:
Welcome to

the car, Conner. CONNER: AC.

Did you say Macy's?

(BONNER:
AC.

Did you say Macy's?

Macy's? Macy's? CONNER:

Air conditioning.

Sometimes Conner just gets an idea,

and he runs with it, you know,

and he's right, like,

99.9% of the time,

so you've just got to trust

that he knows what he's doing.

So I understand why he, you know,

did the whole Aquaspin thing.

Touring is expensive today. Why you

think I do the A$ap Crunchables?

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

This is Gary Sikes. This

is the label photographer.

Gentlemen. Gentlemen. All right.

There we go. Yeah.

All right. Got the two of you.

Great. Okay.

Can I have a little

separation, please?

Oh wait.

Hang on, Gary.

You're not trying to break

up the dream team, are you?

No, no, no. Just trying

to get the logo.

May I... May I touch you?

Yeah, yeah.

Just slide down just a little bit.

Schooch you down like that.

A little pressure.

There we go.

I still see your shadow a little

bit on him. If you don't mind...

Okay... GARY:
You're Still in it.

You're Still in it.

Conner. Nice.

Yeah, same thing.

GARY:
Nice. Yeah.

(SONG PLAYING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

Here you go, Paula.

Thank you.

Hey, how's the Pop Music

Award thing coming?

Good. I've called producers.

I'm waiting to hear back.

Please stay on them because you

know how important it is to him.

PAULA:
I'd love to get

Conner to the point where

people forget

that he's a musician.

Where he's just kind of

everywhere like oxygen or gravity

or clinical depression.

He's just everywhere.

ASHLEY:
Conner!

(LAUGHS)

CONNER:
Hey!

CONNER:
Oh!

(WOMAN SINGING)

Ashley Wednesday, star of the

blockbuster Cube Theorem franchise,

was spotted with

pop rapper Conner4Real,

leaving the exclusive New York

City nightclub... last night.

Okay. Let's go, kids. Time

to go home in your fun car.

Ash and I have been hanging

out for about six months now,

and I've got to say,

she's the total package.

(LAUGHS)

Well, when I was little,

I would spend hours

looking at famous

couples in magazines.

Us Weekly, People,

and everybody's speculating.

"Are they a real couple, or

are they just for publicity?"

And I knew that when I grew up,

I wanted to be one

of those couples.

ALL:
Five, four, three,

two, one!

(SONG PLAYING)

(CROWD APPLAUD, CHEER)

(POWER FLUCTUATING)

(CROWD JEERING AND GASPING)

(ALARM BLARING)

(POWER SHUTTING DOWN)

MALE REPORTER:
Last night,

popstar Conner4Real's

new album CONNquest

was released...

WOMAN:
on all

Aquaspin appliances.

MAN:
Millions of unsuspecting

Americans turned on their toasters...

You can't do that to people.

Yo, Conner4Real, you suck, dude!

Whoo!

MALE REPORTER:
The President

calling the popstar a real dumb.

MAN:
The only reason

he put it in appliances

is 'cause no one was gonna

buy his sh*t album.

(NARRATOR READING)

He released his record

with a dishwashing company?

They did this big launch, and it

was all wireless or something.

I don't know. But it came out

of every appliance in my house,

and I was just like,

"I hate Conner4Real."

For real.

(ALL LAUGHING)

But seriously, let's

be nice to Conner4Real

'cause he seems like a good guy.

Uh, I don't think so.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Uh, I don't think so.

Uh, I don't think so.

(ALL LAUGHING)

(PSYCHOTIC LAUGHTER)

Come on!

Well, the overnight numbers were

not what we were expecting.

They were pretty low. But

it's still early. (CHUCKLES)

Yeah, some people are saying

that the Aquaspin thing

was an invasion of privacy,

so it's just a little

bump in the road.

Um...

He's dealing with it.

Conner, you okay, buddy?

Maybe the numbers

were wrong, you know.

Like, Bonkohub had

a computer virus or something.

You know, you could be right.

I'll have Jay look into it.

So what are we talking? Like,

150, 200, or... (SIGHS)

Mmm...

Sixty-five thousand.

Well, that is not where we wanted

to be, but not bad for the day.

Actually, Conner,

that's for the week.

Estimated.

Sixty-five?

(WHISPERS)

For the week?

Can... Can you...

Hey, can you guys give

us a second here?

Thank you.

(MOUTHS INDISTINCTLY)

(CONNER AND HARRY WHISPERING)

(BEE BUZZING)

(CLATTERING)

(BUZZING AMPLIFIES)

(FLAME THROWER TURNING ON)

(LOUD BUZZING)

It's the first day

of tour, baby!

ALL:
Whoo!

EDDIE:
I know Conner's bumming right

now, but his concert is amazing.

When this thing

goes off and he's out there,

I mean, it's just a spectacle.

It's enormous.

ZIPPY:
Yeah, my name is Zippy.

I'm the guitar tech on the tour.

Sh*t. Sh*t.

I make sure all the

instruments are tip-top.

I love the road. You know, this

is kind of a perfect job for me,

but my favorite free time

thing is flat-lining.

(EKG FLATLINING)

Heart rate dropping.

Flatlining is when you technically

lower your heart rate until, um...

Well, you're dead.

He's still dropping. ZIPPY:

Then you can catch a glimpse

of the afterlife. Got the idea

from the film Flatliners,

Joel Schumacher film

shot by Jan de Bont.

You know, I try to fit in a

F-line sesh at least once a week.

DOCTOR:
Two, one.

Hit him. Clear!

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