Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping Page #4

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Oh, whoa!

Did I sh*t my pants?

Not this time.

To Conner!

ALL:
To Conner!

(ALL CHEERING)

CONNER:

My mom means well.

She had her own dreams of

becoming a star back in the day,

and she gave it up to have me,

so I really owe her for that, and

I'm lucky to have her support.

You wanna go first?

I'll go first.

Okay, you go first.

Kids first, and then moms.

(SNORTING)

TILLY:
Oh, my God,

that is so fun!

Hello, my name is Tyrus Quash, and I

do the food service on Conner's tours.

So these are carrots

eight different ways.

You have your triangles,

shaved, obeHsks, natural, julienne...

As the French like to call it...

(IN FRENCH ACCENT) "Julienne." I

think that's how they say it.

Conner's very specific

when it comes to food,

and it brings me great joy to see

him love the treats that I prepare.

(CROWD CHEERING)

WOMAN:
Yeah! Connor!

(ALL SHOUTING)

(CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

(GUITAR PLAYING)

(SINGING) Finest girl I

ever met In my whole life

Wanna take her home

Make her my wife

Knew she was a freak

When she started talking

She said, "F*** me

Like we f***ed bin Laden"

Whoa That girl was a freak

She said she wanted me to f***

her Harder than the military

F***ed bin Laden

F***ed bin Laden

F***ed bin Laden

She wanted to f*** me

Harder than the US government

F***ed bin Laden

(GRUNTS) She was a

freaky kind of girl

Kept up on current events

From all around the world

More specifically one event

The time Osama bin Laden

Got shot in the head

She said, "Do me like that" But

I couldn't track the metaphor

That said, I can see you

horny Like a Stegosaur

That said, again, your

request ls so irregular

She put on a beard I started

looking at the exit door

Then a turban, then a tunic

She said, "Invade my cave

With your special unit"

I said, "He wasn't in a cave"

But there was no stopping

She demanded

that I f*** her like we

F***ed bin Laden

F***ed bin Laden

F***ed bin Laden

She wanted to f*** me

Harder than the US government

F***ed bin Laden

This girl requested intercourse

To bring her to climax

With the clinical efficiency

Of the assassination

Of bin Laden

You're harboring a fugitive

That ass

And my justice will be

punitive I'm ma smash

Night vision They can

see us through my GoPro

She tried to negotiate

I said that's a no-no

Now I'm creeping in her

bedroom like, "GO, gon

She tells me to go low

Then looks down

and says I've got to

Terrorize that p*ssy

Got to terrorize that p*ssy

So I did it

Improvised some crazy sh*t...

It's f***ing awful.

Conner's music may not be what

I listen to in my free time,

but it seems to make

so many people money.

(SINGING) Mona Lisa You're

an overrated piece of sh*t

Can someone explain

Why the whole wide world

Is obsessed with

a Garbage Pail Kid

Looks like a Garbage Pail Kid

(BONNER:
Y'all have been so amazing.

Thank you so much.

What a beautiful night. Everybody

in the front, make some noise.

(CHEERING)

Now everybody on the sides,

make some noise.

(CHEERING)

Now everybody way up in the

upper deck, make some noise.

(CHEERING)

MAN:
Conner,

I love you! I love you!

(SCREAMS)

CONNER:

Harry, what the hell?

First of all, this is

an 18,000-seat arena.

Nobody sells this out. You sold 15,000

seats. That's still really good.

No, it's not good. Hammerleg

sold this place out last week.

(SIGHS) Well, Aquaspin

agrees with you.

They're concerned

about ticket sales.

What? But it's an 18,000 seat place.

Nobody sells that out.

Hammerleg did last week.

Look, the low record sales

are making them nervous.

They wanna bring

on an opening act.

What? We have an opening act.

Owen DJs.

Hey, I'm always saying Style

Boyz could be the opener.

No, man. Will you stop with that?

Dude, people keep blowing up my

Twitter about us doing Donkey Roll.

Oh, they're blowing up your Twitter?

OWEN:
Yeah.

How many followers

do you have, Owen?

Like 500,000.

Okay, well, I got 20 million, and no

one's asking me to do that sh*t, so...

(ALL LAUGHING)

Some of those are probably bots.

Okay, look, guys, regardless,

we still have to decide

on an opening act.

Man! (SIGHS) All right, fine.

Does anybody have ideas?

One, but you are gonna like it.

Wait. Did you say

"are" or "aren't"?

Are.

(SINGING) Yeah! You know I'm a

motherfucking piece of sh*t.

Say,

"F*** you, Hunter!"

CROWD:

F*** you, Hunter!

Say, "F*** you, Hunter!"

CROWD:

F*** you, Hunter!

Let's go.

Stomping through the forest

Like a retarded Tyrannosaurus

Hunter eating beefcakes

In the back of a Ford Taurus

F*** the chorus F*** my moms

F*** your dad F*** this song

Hunter the Hungry is one of those

rappers who just doesn't give a f***.

RZA:
People think

that he ain't crazy.

No, he crazy for real.

I seen him backstage.

He wasn't smoking the blunt.

He was just eating it.

I mean Hunter's the youth, you know.

He's... He's what's next.

(CROWD CHEERING)

I'm talking our crew!

(CROWD CHEERING)

Oh!

Conner4Real in the flesh?

Hey, yo!

It's... It's an honor

to meet you, man.

CONNquest, Style Boyz, I

grew up off that sh*t, man.

Thanks. I wanna be you,

kind of, but not white.

Like black still,

'cause it's strong.

It's a strong color.

For sure, yeah.

Like, you are that dude.

Like, have you met you?

Have you met you?

You? Have you met you?

Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying?

This is crazy.

You be you. You don't

want me to be all that

'cause I'll tear some sh*t up.

You know how it is?

CONNER:
That is great...

(SCREAMING)

(LAUGHING)

Hell, yeah! We gonna

turn up a show up here!

Oh, don't hurt me.

(LAUGHTER)

HUNTER:
You know how it is!

CONNER:
Okay.

But seriously, man.

I'm real honored, dawg.

I'm not gonna let you down.

You my idol,

right next to Jesus and Morgan Freeman.

(CHUCKLES)

All right, sure.

CONNER:
Yeah.

HUNTER:

Yeah, b*tch! What up?

I like him.

Where'd you get the cayenne?

Get off my basil.

No, dawg. That's my basil, too.

Get off my basil, dude.

That's my basil.

That's my basil, too.

CONNER:
Come on, dude.

And chives, son! And chives! Watch

me kill this deer real quick.

(VOCALIZES)

on.

What? You can do that? HUNTER:

That's deer meat, son.

That's deer meat, b*tch.

OWEN:
(LAUGHS) Whoa, dude.

What is this crazy sh*t?

Oh, dude!

That's your new head.

What?

CONNER:
I had it specially

made for you, man.

I took the measurements

while you were sleeping.

It's like on some

futuristic EDM sh*t.

We did the research,

and EDM is hot.

Robots on ecstasy and sh*t.

Daft Punk, deadmau5,

DJ Tommy Pizza.

Oprah Spinfrey,

Vinyl Ritchie, R2-LSD2,

Ecstasy-3PO, LSD-3PO, Elton John.

All those dudes are crushing.

CONNER:
Look at all these functions.

OWEN:
Yeah.

It's like a Lite-Brite,

but it's moving.

Oh, and check this out.

(BEAMING)

Oh, wow! It goes all

the way up there.

All the way, man. It's

like a beacon to space.

And, plus, it makes this sound.

(BLARING)

(SHOUTS)

Wow! (CHUCKLES)

Why would it make that sound?

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