Pornopung Page #5

made this a fantastic year for me.

One of my favorite people

in the whole f***ing world:

Christian!

He has changed my worldview -

- with his naive kindness.

And unbeknownst to him, he has helped

me and Leo write a book -

- that will hopefully help

many desperate jerk-offs.

He has been through

a boot camp from hell -

- that makes the special forces

look like b*tches.

It's been hard, dark and miserable, -

- but he rose to the occasion.

Like a f***ing phoenix from the ashes!

It is a pick-up guide for men.

How to go from man on the street

to f***ing machine.

123 tips, illustrated throughout with

pictures I have drawn of Christian.

I would like to dedicate

the last toast of the year -

- to Christian.

Cheers!

Christian,

don't be such a party pooper.

- Hey!

- What the hell?

Take it easy!

Christian!

Hey, boss.

Get lost.

Go away.

I thought I'd try to talk you down.

Just leave me alone.

For once.

I'm not leaving here without you.

OK.

So what is this?

- The final chapter? You save me?

- Please...

Chapter 123:

Karl the Savior

rescues Christian the Pathetic.

What do you think I am?

I think you went behind my back

and wrote a book.

You f***ed someone you knew I liked.

You forced me...

Leo and I didn't force you

to do anything.

OK?

You went along voluntarily.

- After you f***ed Mylian.

- Yes, I f***ed Mylian.

I realized you liked her,

so I f***ed her. And it helped.

- It helped?

- Yes. Say what you want.

You are a much better man

than that wimp I met six months ago.

If you keep listening to me, I can

guarantee you an awesome life.

And you know it.

I did all that to open your eyes.

To give you a chance

to avoid being constantly rejected.

Open my eyes?

You are so f***ing stupid.

Just tell me what's wrong,

and I'll help you.

We raped a girl, Karl.

Me and The Punisher.

So f*** "being rejected."

- Sh*t, I...

- You didn't think that would happen?

Of course not.

You're an idiot.

You have wasted half your life.

Pissed it away.

You claim I don't know

how the world works.

You're the one who's forgotten

how the world works.

Don't touch me!

Hi. We have an appointment

with Christian Lunde.

- Hey, Chris.

- Hi, boss.

How's it going?

Fine.

And with you?

Let's go find the bathroom.

Seriously?

You and Maja?

Pretty sick, huh?

How did that happen?

We argued for, like, three days.

She didn't believe me, so...

I proposed.

So how are you really doing?

The doctor thinks -

- I should stay a couple more weeks.

But... I am doing fine.

Have you gotten some diagnosis?

Just your average depression.

24 out of 30 on the scale.

Listen, I would never...

I would never have pushed you

if I had known...

It's OK.

You said lots of things that...

I just wanted to...

I don't know.

I just want to apologize.

Thank you.

Anyway, I talked to our publisher.

We decided to can the entire book.

This is the last copy.

Let me know, and I'll delete it.

Could I have it?

Are you sure?

I thought it might be interesting.

To see things from your perspective.

F*** it. Take it.

Do with it as you please.

Thanks.

There's probably

a lot of porn on there.

I mean, we're talking shitloads.

If you find any shemale stuff,

that was downloaded ironically.

Leo eventually found

the woman of his dreams...

A ten of spades

and billionaire heiress.

Stop, you little sh*t!

Unfortunately her mother

was also a solid nine of clubs.

Leo insists he'll soon give up

the single lifestyle.

Karl got into architecture school

and married Maja.

Their love has blossomed

since she became number 123.

They have two daughters.

To Karl's great relief, he believes

he has spied lesbian tendencies.

And Christian?

Well...

Our next guest wrote a book

about Oslo's pickup scene.

It has already sold

over 100,000 copies.

Please welcome social worker

and author Christian Lunde!

Hi there!

Hi, Christian.

Welcome!

Hi.

It's great to have you here.

- How are you?

- Great.

You had some scores to settle

with yourself.

I sure did.

It was the only right thing to do.

I had scores to settle with myself.

And with others

who had been affected.

It has to do with attraction...

Christian?

Christian!

I'll call you back.

- Hi.

- Hi!

- Long time, no see.

- Truly.

- And now you're on TV.

- Yeah.

- How are you?

- I'm great.

Listen, I have an appointment.

It was great seeing you.

Don't you have two minutes

to talk to me?

Was there something in particular?

Not really.

That is, I just...

I've been wondering

if you feel that I...

Was I mean?

Did I take advantage of you somehow?

Listen.

You have nothing

to feel guilty about, OK?

OK.

That was a huge relief.

Except that you're the reason

I tried to commit suicide.

You should have seen your face.

See you later!

Hey, Christian.

Hang on!

Where are you headed?

Actually, what I'm doing

is going home -

- for a nice, long wank.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes