Postal Page #4

[ static buzzing ]

We, the people under Allah,

give you a new beacon

of strength

against the great Satan

of the West.

They believe we are weakened,

but in only a few days,

we will strike a blow against

America so swift and terrible

that the evil ones will collapse

once and for all.

We are asking those

of the true faith

to wait, pray,

and praise Allah when

the glorious slaughter begins.

And cut!

Wonderful scene, Sammy.

Just wonderful!

You truly outdid yourself

this time.

You -- you hold the screen.

You -- you are forceful,

yet unbelievable.

I almost cried

in the middle there.

You have

such a -- a star quality.

You can't put it into words.

You are a true superstar.

Your voice...

Your eyes --

they were popping.

[ whimpering ]

What?

Don't you know

I'm lactose intolerant?

Are you trying to kill me?

[ sighs ]

Who writes this sh*t?

They're not listening anymore,

Mohammed.

I tell them

about Allah and glory.

And what do I get?

What do I get every damn time?

Virgins.

Ding ding ding

ding ding ding.

Nobody wants to die anymore

unless they get virgins.

But no one has to die

this time.

That is genius

of the shipment.

Ooh, the shipment!

Ooh, big whoop!

What is it this time --

more Anthrax?

[ coughs ]

Sammy, sammy...

Why do you have

to be like that?

Remember the thing with

the planes a few years back?

Do you remember that, hmm?

Do you remember that?

Come on, do you remember that?

Child's play!

Tomorrow is

when we really make our mark --

you, me...

and the shipment

of Krotchy dolls.

I'm gonna go watch "Oprah."

She's looking good

these days.

The diet is working.

I will do anything it takes to

get the f*** out of Paradise --

anything, anything!

DAVE:
Okay.

Take me up the ass.

Just kidding.

[ chuckles ]

No, no, here, here.

You know these things?

Krotchy dolls?

- Yeah.

Yeah.

Biggest show on TV, number one.

Oh, and the guy

who does the voice for it --

he's some big

international star, right?

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter.

All that matters

is everybody wants one

of those dolls, right?

But, sadly...

the Chinese tanker

bringing them over here sank.

They were able to save

about 100,000 dolls.

Unfortunately, none of the crew

was rescued.

So, what,

there's not enough dolls?

Check this out, man.

One of these dolls

sold at auction this morning

for $4,000.

F*** me.

Yeah.

And...

And 2,000 times $4,000

times $4,000 is, uh...

is 8, uh...

that's like --

no, it's 800 --

no, it's 8--

well, you move --

well, if it's three zeros h--

you move the decimal back.

I don't think -- no, well, wait.

- Or...

It's a f***ing lot of money!

Oh, it's an ass-load

of money.

Dude, a couple of asses.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

So, what do you want out of me?

Come up with the plan.

'Cause if you remember

the whole flag-stealing thing,

that was my plan.

That sucked.

It had

certain structural flaws.

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay.

Okay. Okay.

What we got to do

is we got to --

we got to go to little Germany...

- Yeah.

...And we got to break in there,

and we got to, uh,

get the dolls,

and we got to -- we got

to bring them back here.

So, we're gonna need

some sort of a, uh...

truck.

Truck.

A truck would be good.

Uh, one they can't trace back to us.

- Right.

Aha.

Huh?

Yeah.

You got an idea?

I got --

yeah, I got something.

No, it's gone.

Oh.

George W. Bush is a sham.

He's an actor.

That's not even his real name.

He knows too much.

Mohammed, he's crazy.

He suspects nothing.

I'm sorry.

You are a good man, Habib,

but we are at a critical point

in the plan,

and we must take no chances.

No.

Ohh!

[ giggling ]

[ beeping ]

Goodbye, heaven tarts...

sugar logs...

powdered flakes...

and sweetie o's.

[ beeping continues ]

[ clears throat ]

Goodbye, low-calorie

fudge ice cream.

[ slurping ]

[ beeping continues ]

Allah!

[ explosion ]

[ car alarms blaring ]

[ metal creaking ]

[ squeaking ]

Huh.

[ clears throat ]

How much is this?

[ motor humming ]

[ grunting ]

[ groans ]

[ singsongy voice ]

Harry!

You got my money, Harry.

[ chuckles ]

[ normal voice ] What you got

for us today, Harry, huh?

No, no, no,

no, no, no, no.

Harry, come on.

You've been out here

for two hours and --

donating.

H-help the retards.

[ electricity zapping ]

Doing $13,

motherf***er.

Let's go.

What?

Oh, okay, I thought

you said something.

[ speaks indistinctly ]

$5s and $10s only.

[ engine sputters ]

No bath this month,

you son of a b*tch.

[ engine turns over ]

I put some extra nutrients

in your dinner.

You're gonna like it.

Let me see.

Come on.

Mmm!

Good, isn't it?

[ groans ]

All righty, baby.

Well, uh, good night.

Big day tomorrow, okay?

All right.

[ grunting ]

What?

Oh, I'm trippin'.

Sorry, buddy.

It does get cold in my garage

late at night.

All right.

Night, Harry.

Welcome to Little Germany

amusement park,

Entertainment center

for Paradise city.

Now, tomorrow the major

media event will happen...

[ thwap! ]

...here at stage,

celebrating the unveiling

of the Krotchy dolls.

The huge international star

of "The Krotchy Show"

will be there.

[ thwap! ]

And that is when we'll strike!

Oh!

- Oh! -Oh!

Oh.

Dave and I

will be in the truck,

accessing

the employee entrance.

You are a blessing upon us,

my brother.

It is as it was foretold

in the good book.

"And then there will come

one amongst them,

"an apos-tle

who carries within him

the holy torch

of righteousness."

Uh-huh.

"He will lead us out

of the clutches of consumerism."

WOMAN:
Mm-hmm.

WOMAN #2:
- Mm-hmm.

You wrote a f***ing bible

for these people?

Group "C" rappels down

and takes the dolls

from the storeroom.

Group "E"

must control the perimeter,

as our intelligence indicates

that another organization

may be after the dolls, as well.

[ whimpering ]

[ telephone rings ]

I'll get that.

Bin Laden.

Hello? It's your dime.

[ country music playing ]

Osama, you old f***er.

It's G.W.

You know how many innocent

people we've had to torture

Trying to get a lead on you?

So?

It's not my fault.

What is it, Georgie?

I, uh -- kind of busy here.

You know how pops has those

oil pipelines in Saudi Arabia?

I'm wondering if we ought

to file an insurance claim,

You know,

after the whole thing blows up.

[ explosion ]

All right, well,

drop me an e-mail,

tell me what pipe

you're talking about,

and I'll blow it

all the way to Mecca.

We'd really appreciate it.

I'll ask Laura

to type that up --

you know,

me and spelling and all.

[ chuckles ]

All right, later.

Jihad!

[ cheering ]

[ horn honks ]

VERNE:
First they promise me

a private jet.

Then they send me

a freakin' bus?

Geez!

Don't they know

I'm an international superstar?

Ugh!

Jesus!

Aw, Jesus.

Paradise 8 miles?

God!

Motherfuckers.

[ radio beeps ]

[ rap music playing ]

I'm telling you, Mohammed.

I know I've seen that gas

station before. We're lost.

We are not lost.

All gas stations look alike.

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