Pottersville Page #2

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Do you belong to a

furry sex club?

I think you'll be

fine by yourself.

- It's important to me.

- Yeah.

I don't want you to wind up

like a furry animal sex freak.

I'm gonna come back first

thing in the morning, okay?

And you do me a favor

and get some rest.

Okay?

You were right, my friend.

Here's to going crazy.

All right...

I'll play freaky forest

animals with ya.

You know what a gorilla

would do to a bunny,

or a squirrel, or whatever?

Eat them alive!

Maynard?

Oh! Maynard, you should get up!

Okay? I'll just...

I'll shut the door.

Bunny.

Squirrels.

Gorilla.

What are all these

people doing here?

And now, for a story on a...

You gotta see this.

We go out live to Stacy

Gutierrez for a special report.

- Stacy.

- Thanks, John.

Hi, this is Stacy Gutierrez,

live in front of the once thriving,

but now abandoned, Pottersville Mill.

I'm here with the

local townsfolk

who claim to have witnessed what they're

calling, well, a Bigfoot sighting.

So, tell me, what did you see?

Well, we were all out in

the woods smoking a...

You know, hanging out.

When all of a sudden this

big, huge, hairy thing

comes running by, screaming.

We were like, "Hey,

how stoned are you?"

And then we realized we all saw

it, and we were like... "cool."

I was upstairs dozing off

when I heard her scream.

I heard this ruckus in the

backyard and looked out the window

and I saw this...

thing, chasing a bunny.

I come running down the stairs,

turned on the back porch

lights and there it was.

We saw it. Squatch.

You've lived here your

entire life, correct?

Yes, ma'am, I have.

Have you ever seen

anything like this before?

No, ma'am. Like the kid said,

it was a big, hairy thing.

Sort of half man, half gorilla.

You know, like them cavemen you

see in the picture books...

that ain't quite evolved yet.

And all that chasing the bunny

must have made him pretty thirsty,

'cause he was out there in our

little boy peeing fountain drinking.

I mean, literally, the little boy

was peeing right in his mouth.

Then what happened?

Then he just disappeared

into the darkness.

- There you have it, John.

- Can you believe that?

- A pretty incredible story.

- Yeah, that's something.

Bigfoot, right here,

in our own backyard.

I might have to come up there to try

and catch a glimpse of him myself.

That sucks.

You should!

I'll be right back.

Is everything...?

Sir, I'm sorry. Can

you pick up, please?

Is he here?

We have a bit of an emergency

going on right now, Maynard.

Trust me, he's gonna

want to hear about this.

All right. Go ahead.

Ma'am, can you

repeat that, please?

Sure. Absolutely.

Yeah, well, we could either do it here in

my office, or go out to Phoebe's Knob.

Four o'clock. Thank you.

I was gonna talk to

you, man, I promise,

but things are nuts

around here this morning.

Yeah.

Maynard, I'm not having

an affair with Connie.

It's just about the club.

I mean, hell, that could've been anybody

from the club up in your bedroom.

Thanks. I feel a lot better now.

There's nothing romantic.

I'd never do that.

It's just about the costumes.

Speaking of costumes...

Sheriff, sorry to interrupt,

but there's a producer from some

television show on the phone for you.

Thanks, Tammy. Look, I've

gotta take this. But...

We're okay, right?

Hey, I'm never gonna rub the bunny again.

I promise.

- I gotta show you something.

- I gotta take this.

Everybody's apeshit over

this Bigfoot business.

Later, okay? We'll

talk later, all right?

Hello. Yeah, this

is Sheriff Clark.

- Okay.

- Yeah.

Hi, how are you?

Good to hear your voice as well.

Well, let's see. Maybe we

can make something work...

Just the man we

were looking for.

We were wondering if you

could do us a favor.

Now, we've been researching this whole

Bigfoot thing, and people really love him.

It's true.

He's been around for centuries,

and people on every continent

and that speak every language, they

just can't get enough of this guy.

Yeah, so we've decided to get

into the Bigfoot business.

We're gonna start this

whole cottage industry...

Bigfoot t-shirts, hats, bumper

stickers, baby onesies, you name it.

Everything. We were just wondering if

we could sell some stuff in your store?

So, what do you think?

Sure, fellas. Whatever you need.

Awesome.

Thanks.

- Hey.

- Hey.

I was wanting to talk to you about

last night. I've been thinking...

I know we need to talk, Maynard,

I just can't right now.

I've got something to do.

- What's more important than...

- Bigfoot.

Seriously? You

believe in all that?

Are you kidding me?

I love it.

It's the most exciting thing to

happen to this town for decades.

It's is the most exciting thing

to happen to this

town for decades.

Stuck standing

behind this counter.

You need to get out, Maynard!

Just the man we

were looking for.

This whole Bigfoot thing,

and people really love him.

Everybody's apeshit over

this Bigfoot business.

Wow. Bigfoot, right here,

in our own backyard.

We're going on a sleigh ride

All together, let's go get in

Just hear those sleigh bells

jingling, Ring ting tingling too

Come on its lovely weather For a

sleigh ride together with you

How tall would you

say that he was?

I saw him from the

front and he was big.

... And friends are

calling "Yoo hoo"

Come on its lovely weather For

a sleigh ride together with you

Giddy up, giddy up

Giddy up, let's go

Just more of grunts or growls?

It's like Sasquatch language.

We're riding in A

wonderland of snow

Thank you, ladies. Enjoy

your stay in Pottersville.

Giddy up it's grand

Just holding your hand

As we glide along, sing a

song Of a wintry fairy land

Our cheeks are nice and

rosy And comfy cozy are we

Let's take that road before

us And sing a chorus or two

Come on its lovely weather For a

sleigh ride together with you

Merry Christmas, Bigfoot!

If this keeps up, we're gonna

need to hire some help.

It's kind of nice, isn't it? All

these new people visiting the town?

Oh my God! Guys! Come quick!

- What's going on?

- Come on! You're not gonna believe it!

Brock!

Monsters are here!

Land it here!

Who's that?

You've never seen his show?

Oh, it's awesome.

Each week he goes

after some monster...

Loch Ness, Chupacabra,

the Abominable Snowman.

This dude's amazing!

There's a rumor floating around that

there may be a Sasquatch in these parts.

Exactly. Follow me on Twitter.

For starters, let's see

a show of hands...

How many of you have

actually seen the Squatch?

Wow. What about you, love?

What exactly did you see?

I was about to get in

my car and whoosh...

he ran right in front of me.

He must have been ten feet tall.

- He was as big as a tree.

- Three meters.

I saw him out at Grasshopper Hill, and

if Millie says he was ten feet tall,

I gotta say he was even bigger. I

think he was as big as a house.

Did Connie enjoy her elk?

Well, she's been enjoying all

kinds of animals lately.

From everything I've

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