Powder Room Page #4

- I'll buy you a drink.

- No! No! Just f*** off, man!

Jesus! You do my head in,

you know that?

Some mate you are.

Look. Here. Take this.

Thank you.

There. That's...

You can hardly tell now, it's...

Much better.

Sorry.

Ah, thanks for doing that.

Look, I'll get her some shots and

she'll be over it soon enough.

Yeah, no worries.

Give her a good night.

Ah, yeah, thanks. All right.

Mmm. It's nice. I ain't

got no change. Sorry.

Laura! Laura!

You are never gonna guess

what I've just been doing.

- Oh, I will.

- Oh, really? What?

I don't know, Chanel. You've been

pondering the purpose of existence.

No. The guy. I f***ed him.

I know.

Yeah. But what you don't know is that I just

probably had the best sex I've ever had.

You left like four minutes ago.

All right, well,

not the absolute best.

He didn't quite finish,

he had to come back here.

Good.

- Do I still look like I've had sex?

- Yes, you do. Well done.

Ooh!

- What's got inside your arse?

- That is just not even a phrase.

- How's your mate doing?

- Yeah. Fine.

Look, I'm going to have

to get going, okay?

'Cause there's people in here

I'd rather not be in here with.

Yeah, me too,

by the looks of things.

He just said something about his

girlfriend being here tonight.

What? Who, the bloke?

That's what he said, yeah.

And you don't care?

- Well, I didn't cheat on anyone, did I?

- Chanel, are you for real?

You're that desperate you would sleep

with a bloke who's got a girlfriend?

That's you, is it?

I'm hardly desperate, and he

only mentioned it afterwards.

Sorry, wrong toilet. All right?

Look, Sam, if this is about Sean

again, I really cannot be bothered.

This is not about...

F*** Sean. Please don't f*** Sean.

So, what? Is she here tonight,

is she? God, he sounds great.

Pretty average actually.

I just don't get you sometimes,

Chanel. I really don't.

Look, Sam, you dated someone,

it didn't work out. Sh*t happens.

I f***ed in a bush. Life goes on.

Yeah. It's not about that,

Chanel. It's about you.

Don't you care what

people think about you?

Walking around with your arse hanging out?

Being fingered in some club...

With no regard for anyone.

All right, Sam. I've got

no regard for anyone?

I don't give a f*** what

people think of me.

At least I'm not walking around

thinking I'm something I'm not.

Who have you come as?

Maybe you should start giving

a f*** what people think.

I didn't know he had a girlfriend.

I'm not in the wrong.

You're turning into a right

b*tch, you know that?

I need a wee.

Right. Fine. If I'm turning into a

b*tch then... F*** my life. Hello.

Sam, what are you doing in here?

Are you going to be here all bloody night?

Oh, my God, you would not

believe what we just saw.

That girl from before?

The one before, with the

bloke's hand in her knickers.

It was so bad. She was

stumbling everywhere.

- It was, like, her make-up all mushed.

- And stank of sex and regret.

- You have got to see it.

- You're going to laugh your head off.

I really can't believe the girls

in this town. It's so funny.

- It's so funny.

- Come on.

Oh, my God!

Here.

Thank you.

So, me and Jess were thinking,

if you're gonna be in Paris,

you should come to the wedding.

- Really?

- Yeah. I'd love for you to come.

That's incredible, thank you!

I can't believe this is actually

happening. Thank God you came back.

- Gonna powder my nose.

- Okay.

So do you speak any French?

Not really, just the basics.

You know, like my name.

Sam.

I can say that in any

language actually.

- Saskia, I need to sit down.

- Okay, sit down then.

- Can I have a lollipop, please?

- Mmm-mmm.

Angry lady, can I have

a lollipop, please?

Oi!

Eh-eh! Are you going

to pay for that?

No, I ain't got no money.

I don't know how to open...

No. You can keep it, Paige,

you're allowed to keep it.

Thank you.

Saskia.

Come sit with me.

Oh.

Saskia, I need a drink,

my mouth is well dry.

Ow! Paige. That's my hair.

Oh. Saskia, your hair is well soft.

Is it?

We never talk any more.

Yeah, we do, all the time.

Yeah, but we never

talk, like, proper.

Yeah. I know. We should.

Let's go into the toilet.

I'll get you up.

Maybe not just...

Spin that...

Oh, God.

How are you, lovely?

F***ed.

Yeah?

- What are you doing?

- Nothing. Just checking on my b*obs.

- Are they still hanging on in there?

- Yeah.

- You've got great tits.

- Oh, God, no, I haven't.

I think...

I think I have an inverted nipple.

- A what nipple?

- Inverted, it doesn't point out.

It's like erectile

dysfunction for nipples.

- Please let me see it, Paige.

- No.

Just let me look at it and I'll

tell you if it's inverted.

No, it's fine. It's just not hard.

Don't think anyone else has

seen my nipples but Bobby.

That's probably why they're inverted.

Come here, they just need some attention.

Don't you, little nipple?

You just need some love.

Look, it works if you poke it.

What about this?

Saskia, that tickles.

This is amazing. You gotta try it.

What?

Go on, you do it.

Just a little flick and lick.

Seriously?

Just come on. Just do it!

So he has this really amazing

collection of Art Deco pieces.

You have to be really careful

not to touch anything,

but you can stay, it's fine.

He's amazing.

Oh, my God! You're not gonna

believe what I just saw.

- What?

- What?

You know the girls that

stole the drinks earlier?

- Yeah.

- Well, they're having sex in the toilet.

What? Together?

Yeah, completely off their faces.

Just going for it in the cubicle.

That's so amazing!

Sorry. The tall girl with

the curly hair and T-shirt?

- Yeah.

- Are you sure?

Yeah, they're chewing their

faces off, just having it.

- It's hilarious!

- That's so funny!

- Are you okay, Sam?

- Yeah. Yeah, of course.

- I'll get the cocktails in, okay?

- Okay.

- Scusi.

- Oh.

My b*obs are squishing, stop.

What the f*** are you doing?

- Nothing.

- Get out!

Get out! Come on!

Get out now!

Both of you!

Sorry, Paige, I've gotta go.

What are you doing?

Paige?

- What is wrong with Paige?

- Paige loves MDMA!

Oh, my God, you're f***ed. Look

at you. You're both f***ed! Saskia!

She is not like you, Saskia.

This is Paige we're talking about.

You were supposed to be looking after her.

And what is her boyfriend gonna think?

Perfume?

Well done, you've read

the situation perfectly.

Now look what you've done.

D*ckhead, she was fine!

Oh, my God.

I'm gonna have to take off.

- Good night, everyone?

- She is not fine!

What the f***?

Don't you f***ing touch

her, you sweaty c*nt,

he's got a f***ing girlfriend.

Slut!

Oh, just leave it, Sam.

I'm trying to help.

We don't need your help.

Yeah, I think you've done enough.

Look, why don't you just go

back to the B*tches of Eastwick

and leave us alone, yeah?

I just found these two...

cottaging.

Shut up!

F***ing hell.

Sean.

- Sam.

- Sam, we found him at the bar...

With his tongue down

some slag's throat.

Easy, Sean.

Chanel.

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