Powerful Out Women: On the Campaign Trail Page #11

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All they care about is profits.

Not you, not me, not America.

The only reason why my wife is here tonight

is because they paid her to be here.

[AUDlENCE GASPS]

WADE:
Jesus, l think we should

take our leave. Excuse me.

GLENN:
He's a liar.

WADE:
He's a nutbag.

Don't touch me. We're both ex-Marines.

Get away now.

Get away or l'll start slapping people.

But do you know which individual

in this room...

...stood up to the Motch brothers

and said no?

Marty Huggins.

That son of a b*tch fears no man.

He should be your congressman.

Sure, l know what you're thinking:

He's a weirdo.

l've often wondered...

...why the folks

from Ripley's Believe lt or Not!...

...haven't broken into his house...

...and kidnapped him

for a permanent display.

But l'll tell you this: He's one of the good ones,

and l've actually grown fond of him.

So with that, l'd like to announce

my withdrawal from this election...

[AUDlENCE GASPS]

...and congratulate

Congressman Marty Huggins.

[AUDlENCE CHEERS]

Come on up here, Marty.

TRlPP:

Goddamn.

AUDlENCE [CHEERlNG]

Marty! Marty! Marty! Marty! Marty!

You sure about this?

Get on up there before l change my mind.

MARTY:

Thanks so much.

One minute you got your pants down...

...and the next minute

you're a U.S. congressman.

lt's usually the other way around, l guess.

[AUDlENCE CHUCKLES]

l'd like to thank Cam Brady

for his intestinal fortitude...

...for doing what he just did.

[AUDlENCE APPLAUDS]

l want the 14th district to know

that you will not be sold to China...

...to Brazil...

...to Nova Scotia...

...or any other country.

-Hi, Cam.

-Hey, Mitch.

That was the greatest gesture

l've ever seen in my life.

-That was book-worthy.

-Thank you.

-l'd really like to work together again someday.

-Well, nothing would please me more.

lt's a deal.

By the way, l hope you don't mind me

saying this, but you look great.

-l started drinking again.

-Oh.

MlTCH:

Mm-hm.

And l want to end daylight savings time.

l hate when it gets dark early.

[CHEERlNG]

Washington, D.C., l have a message for you:

l'm bringing my broom,

because you know why?

MARTY & AUDlENCE [lN UNlSON]:

lt's a mess.

CHANTlNG:

lt's a mess! lt's a mess! lt's a mess!

lt's a mess! lt's a mess!

ANCHORWOMAN [ON TV]: Congressman

Scott Talley will tender his resignation...

...over allegations of using federal funds

to purchase his mistress's fake breasts.

Large breasts offer more protection

to a woman's tender vital organs.

-Talley's done.

-What a waste.

[DOORBELL RlNGS]

-Connie!

-l think you fired her.

Oh, damn it. Who is it?

WOMAN:
Hola, it's me, Rosita,

your new cleaning lady.

Oh, this is a big casa.

lt's going to take me forever to clean it,

but l do it for you.

[SPEAKS lN SPANlSH]

GLENN:

Go away.

[lN NORMAL VOlCE]

This is a subpoena...

...for you to appear before a congressional

hearing on campaign-finance illegalities.

You've been served, d*ckheads. Heh.

-What?

-Who's heading this hearing?

[lN SPANlSH ACCENT]

Oh. Congressman Marty Huggins...

...and he's going to go loco

on your gringo asses.

[SPEAKS lN SPANlSH]

[YAO GRUNTS]

[lN NORMAL VOlCE]

Greedy motherfuckers.

MARTY:

Okay, everyone, please. Okay.

l'd like to remind these gentlemen

why they are here.

You were spending millions of dollars

buying politicians...

...spreading misinformation...

...and influencing legislation

for your personal gain.

-Now, l think the re--

-[WHlSPERS] Marty. You're doing great.

-And l just love being your chief of staff.

-Good.

Unfortunately,

none of these charges are illegal.

Uh, that's correct, congressman.

The Citizens United ruling

made that abundantly clear.

Maybe l can't get you on the corruption

of elections, but l can get you on this:

l can--

[WHlSPERS] lt's a coupon to Chick-fil-A.

lt's a coupon to Chick-fil-A.

Aiding and abetting

a known international fugitive.

This is Tim Wattley,

a.k.a. Leonidis Stavros...

...a.k.a. the Greek Butcher...

...a.k.a. the Greek Baker...

...a.k.a. the Greek Candlestick Maker...

...a.k.a. Dermot Mulroney...

...a.k.a. Osama Getting-Laiden.

Gentlemen, these are federal offenses.

My brother is responsible for this.

l've never heard of Mr. Wattley in my life.

Boom.

MARTY:
You're under arrest.

-l've never seen him before.

-l'll tell you this: lt's a mess.

-Whoo!

l put you in that chair. l can get you out.

-This is a sham.

WADE:
Are you kidding?

-We make every decision together.

GLENN:
This is all you.

[English - US - SDH]

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