Prank Page #4

on rally.

Until then...

My dad's gay.

He's on a quote un-quote,

business trip with a quote

un-quote, internet friend.

And that has pertinence

to this how?

What is this? 1995?

Jordan, are you on dial-up?

Something humorous?

You.

Me.

Us rubes.

All these little maneuverings

for what?

Something that was

right there.

Right in front of our faces.

I don't comprehend.

You and this

self-satisfaction.

Me knowing

I was right all along.

Eve and Dax, they're friends.

Just friends.

Sorry, friendo.

All tonight proves

is Dax is greedy in love

as he is

in everything else.

Don't let the door

hit your nose on the way out.

I take no joy in being

the bearer of bad news.

Tell these procurer

a slice of...

pizza by the park...

Sh*t.

Connor?

Who is it?

Who do you think? DAX:

Open the f***ing door!

I know you faggots are there.

Oh, crap.

Open the f***ing door

or I'm going to kick this

f***ing thing down.

Okay. All right.

What are you doing?

What? My dad's gonna kill

me if he actually does it.

He's gonna kill me

if he actually opens it.

Just give him the camera.

That's all he wants.

Coming. I'm coming. All

right. Open the f***ing door!

All right, idiot, okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

All right. All right.

What the f***?

Where the f***'s

the camera, huh?

Ah, b*tch.

Connor, Connor,

what the f*** are you doing?

F***.

You and your

f***ing inner Klingon.

Pop quiz.

Given the choice of having

embarrassing footage of you

uploaded albeit on the slowest

DSL line known to man

or apologizing directly

to those you've wronged

and swearing

to never do it again,

which would you choose,

Daxy boy?

You're in frame, Jordan.

There's blood on

the f***ing floor, Connor.

And white trash bags will

of course conceal that.

Okay, it's the first thing

I found, all right?

We don't normally

use my dad's workshop

to hold people

f***ing hostage.

Oh, so letting them go

and pretending like

none of this ever happened

would solve everything?

Well, it wouldn't have added,

uh, false imprisonment

and assault and battery

to our rap sheet.

All caught on tape,

of course.

Congratulations.

You just set

a new world record

for the lowest IQ of any member

of the mammal family.

This is collateral.

That he can't ever,

won't ever bully us again.

He never bullied me.

You're too stupid

to notice it.

What?

Oh, f***.

Where do you think

you're going, huh?

Nowhere until we come

to a little consensus.

Jordan, a little help.

Shut up.

We make your...

to rear entry only,

a lost classic

if you apologize for everything

you've ever done to us.

All right?

And for cavorting with Eve.

Connor.

Directly to camera.

Agreed?

What camera?

Ew.

God.

For the sake of magnanimity,

I'll let that go.

What are you doing?

Making sure everybody

gets a good look at this.

This ain't f***in'

Sesame Street, cry baby.

Whenever you're ready,

Daxy boy.

F*** you. Help!

Help! Help! Shut up!

Jordan, shut him up!

Do something! Like what? Help!

I swear I'm gonna

hit you if you don't shut up!

F***ing genius! Shut

up before I hit you too!

F*** you!

Connor.

Connor, maybe you shouldn't,

um... maybe we shouldn't watch.

Ah, God,

he's got a hard head.

Wow.

Never seen anybody

get punched like that before.

It's kind of weird.

Gag him.

What?

Gag him.

Why?

So there's no repeat of the

banshee act, idiot.

F***.

Feels like a brick wall.

Mm. Mm.

He can still talk.

It's 'cause you're

doing it wrong.

Of course.

He said he was gonna shove his

ass cheeks down our throats.

Is that even possible?

Shut up!

Hold it!

Bastard!

Give me the gun.

I said get me the gun.

Go.

Stop.

I hate that.

Emotional compensation,

that's all I want.

Better plans?

F***!

Don't act belligerent.

Stop!

All I wanted

was an apology.

One simple apology.

9 years...

never once

did I insult you.

Never once did

I attack you.

Never once did I really do

anything to you.

But for those 9 years

you went out of your way

to make my life

a goddamn f***ing hell!

Every goddamn

f***ing day.

Every f***ing minute

you humiliated me

and every one

of my f***ing friends.

Why?

You tell me why.

Hmm?

F***ing p*ssy.

You're right.

I never gave you an

incentive to stop,

until now.

Frame up a good shot.

Of what?

Six chambers, one bullet.

That means...

Connor, there's no...

Shut up!

You got five chances at most

to say what you need to say.

Now.

Oh, wait.

Cue music.

What music?

A requiem.

This is so stupid.

Good.

Now...

One.

Two.

You f***in' p*ssy.

You really think

you're gonna make it to five?

Look.

His Deer Hunter

is way better than

your Benny and Joon.

Well, we spoke too soon.

Look who just

sprung a leak.

F*** you.

Unlike you, Dax, I take no joy

in embarrassing others.

Okay. Maybe a little.

Just this once.

F*** you.

But ask yourself,

how lucky

can one man really be?

Do I want blood on my hands?

Nope.

Jordon?

Didn't think so.

Dax?

F*** you!

Not very eloquent,

are you?

Leaves us no choice.

Ow.

Do you... do you hear that?

No.

I'm only standing like

this because I have a cramp.

Is that your father?

Help!

Shut up.

Help.

He's not supposed to be back

for another week.

Help! Help me! Help!

Shut up!

F***.

It's probably the pizza guy.

Go pay him.

Pizza.

Now we can continue

this party all night long.

What are you doing?

Planting roots?

Go!

What if it's the police?

Why would police

need to alarm their own cars?

No, you go, here.

But why?

Here, just take it.

I don't even... go.

Hurry.

I don't even have

any money.

Oh, crap.

Jordan.

You know your front door's

in a really awful shape.

I'm sorry

I lost my temper

but I'm not leaving

until we talk.

Crap. He's not home.

His car is

in the driveway.

Crap.

It's none of your business.

Go away.

Are you hearing impaired?

Go away.

Well...

Well, what?

My apology.

I may be blonde.

I may be a cheerleader,

but I'm no dumb b*tch.

And I'm definitely not

a c*nt you want to f*** with.

So open the door,

get on your knees,

and beg for my forgiveness,

if you know what's good

for you, sweety.

I'm still here.

Crap.

I know, you're metaphorically

screwing Jordan

while literally

screwing Dax.

I told Dax, your sh*t-faced

video could have been

so much more successful

if it was more dramatic

instead of just

playing pathetic.

The point is?

You'll pay, sweetie.

I promise.

Better be STD-free or

there'll be hell to pay.

Jordan?

Jordan!

Jordan!

Oh, crap. Crap.

Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap.

Jordan.

Jordan!

Jordan.

No. No. No.

Oh, my God.

Don't.

F***!

How can your aunt

be so mentally deficient?

It's mental deficiency

to keep a gun loaded

in the shop and not inform

anyone about the thing.

It wasn't loaded?

Then why are there

buckets of blood?

Dax's blood that...

Hello?

Hello!

Crap,

she hung up on me.

Not my fault.

Excuse me?

Not my fault.

Why is that on?

Turn it off.

Turn it off, idiot!

Please.

I'm sorry

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