Premature Page #9

---

You're gonna start

having feelings.

Dad, I'd really be more comfortable

talking to mom about this.

Great. She'll be home later.

Okay.

Okay, just go... go

ahead and jump.

Yeah, but you're gonna want

to tuck and roll when you hit.

Go for a break, not a sprain.

Heals faster.

That's reassuring.

Okay, three...

Two...

You want to watch the rest

of the spelling bee?

Yeah.

Can you help me up now, please?

Yeah. Yes. I can.

Thank you.

[ Both laugh ]

What did I tell you?

[ Laughs ]

Love is alive!

[ Chuckles ]

[ Speaking indistinctly ]

Use it in a sentence?

[ Sighs ]

[ Sighs ]

This one looks young.

Yeah, yeah. It's his

first bee, so...

Is the language of

origin French?

Origin. That is a great stall.

Don't spell it till you know it.

Oh, no. He's imploding.

Can you hear me?

Oh, God. I can't watch.

Oh, don't be such a

p*ssy. Come on.

Mnh-mnh. Nope. I'm not

gonna watch it.

Come on! Don't be s...

oh, wow!

No, okay, you know what?

[ Laughing ] That's really bad.

Unfortunately, you've gone

over your allotted time.

You must leave the stage.

Does anyone know

where his mother is?

I've liked you since

we first met.

When I had my lisp?

[ Lisping ] Yes.

[ Chuckles ]

I was gonna tell you tonight,

and then I was hoping that the

beer would help and

not make me burp.

[ Both laugh ]

I was always hoping we'd

be each other's firsts.

Me too.

What do you think's

going on in there?

I think... it feels

kind of weird.

Shush. Do you hear that?

This feels awkward.

I feel... I feel unusually

comfortable.

[ Laughing ] Okay.

[ Chuckles ]

Should we?

Yes.

I mean, like, now?

Okay, but you should know I

haven't had the best luck with...

rob, just try and relax.

Oh. Oh, no. Oh, God.

[ Gasping ]

I... I'm sorry. I'm...

[ moaning ]

Rob? What happened?

I mean, besides the obvious.

I'm not in my bed.

I'm in your bed.

And my mom's not here.

Do you need raisins?

No. I don't need anything.

I am right where I'm

supposed to be.

You know what?

What?

We should have done

something like this sooner.

[ Chuckles ]

I've always wanted to.

[ Both chuckle ]

Let's try it again.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Grouplove's "tongue tied"

plays ]

That is a wrap!

We have a champion!

Yay!

Take me to your best

friend's house

goin' 'round this roundabout

oh, yeah

take me to your best

friend's house

I loved you then,

I love you now

oh, yeah

don't take me tongue tied

so, why do you want to

go to Georgetown?

George who?

Smart. Beautiful.

You're exactly what

Georgetown needs.

Are you married?

No. Not anymore.

[ Chuckles ]

My wife is dead.

[ Laughs ]

Normally we're making out

oh, yeah

oh, take me to your best

friend's house

she curb-stomped my genitals.

With her shoes.

You should have punched

her in the p*ssy.

[ Laughs ]

Harder!

Do it!

Give her a tit bruise!

Give her a tit bruise!

Squeeze her tit until

milk comes out!

[ High-pitched ] Hi, daddy.

[ Normal voice ] F***ing...

[ laughter ]

No, I can do this.

[ High-pitched ] Hi, daddy.

Welcome to my pu pu platter.

[ Laughter ]

F***.

I'll do anything. Anything.

Put my finger in my butt and

make me pump it.

I help you jerk off.

I make you explode.

Do me doggie style and then

we can eat dog.

[ Laughter ]

I've had, like, seven orgasms

so far today.

Seven?

That's three more than me.

Seven?

You have to come to Georgetown.

You can make a lot of money,

young man.

[ Laughing ] That is so... wow.

[ Laughter ]

Is that selling it?

[ Both gasping ]

[ Both laugh ]

Oh, yeah

take me to your best friend's

house

I loved you then,

I love you now

don't leave me tongue tied

don't wave no goodbyes

don't leave me tongue tied

do-o-o-o-n't

don't leave me tongue tied

don't wave no goodbye

don't leave me tongue tied

do-o-o-o-n't

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes