Pride and Prejudice and Zombies Page #2

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- Darcy.

You'll dance with the only handsome girl here.

Every one of her sisters is also very pretty dare I say.

Very agreeable.

Well she's tolerable but-

Tolerable?

Yes, tolerable. But not handsome enough tempt me.

Nor any other man here apparently.

Darcy, your standards my dear fellow-

Oh, that is unfortunate.

Mr. Darcy.

You insufferable prick.

It's William Darcy.

I quite detest the man.

So high and so conceited I can't enjoy him.

Indeed.

Wouldn't dance with him if he-

Mrs. Featherstone?

You're undead!

Shh..

I've come to tell you someth-

What happened, Lizzy?

I narrowly saved her life.

From Mrs. Featherstone?

From an undead Mrs. Featherstone.

I found her to be exceedingly tolerable.

Well done, Darcy.

Very heroic.

She was trying to tell me something.

A recipe perhaps?

Laugh as much as you choose.

But you shall not laugh me out of my opinion.

She posed no threat.

We're under attack!

Their faces!

Rendered uncommonly intelligent

by the beautiful expression of her dark eyes.

And I'm forced to acknowledge

her figure as both light and pleasing.

That her arms are surprisingly muscular

but not so much as to be unfeminine.

Oh Lizzy I never saw such happy manners.

So much ease with such good breeding.

I give you leave to like him.

You've liked many a stupid a person.

He's just what a young man ought to be.

Good humored, lively, handsome and-

Quite rich.

But young men ought like wise to be if you possibly can.

Not as rich as Darcy.

I saw how you liked at him when he first walked into the dance.

I hated him as if-

You liked him!

Hinted his manners in disgust!

He acts as if he were above our company and above being pitied.

Admit you find him handsome!

Handsome?

As his handsome does...

Mr. Darcy is therefore a very ill looking man.

You will not suck us down!

Never have I encountered a

man so consumed by his own pride!

One cannot wonder that a so

very fine young man with family, fortune...

Everything in his favor, should think highly of himself.

If I may so expressing.

He has a right to be proud.

I can easily think of his pride.

If he had not mortified mine.

Pride is a very common failing I believe.

Vanity and pride are different things so

they're words are often used synonymously.

How's it make me proud without being vain?

Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves.

And vanity is what we would have others think of us.

Letter for Ms. Jane Bennet.

He saved you from a zombie.

Mrs. Featherstone was quite civilized!

Yield!

Never!

She was a zombie Lizzy!

Thank goodness he was there.

The Bingleys have invited me to tea.

Of course they have!

What?

Truly, I'd much rather go by coach.

You had much better go on horseback.

For it seems likely to rain!

Then you must stay all night!

That would be a good scheme.

If you were sure they would not send her home.

Mother, I really would prefer the carriage.

Jane, Mr. Bingley undoubtedly

likes you but in 9 cases out of 10

A woman had far better share

more affection than she feels.

Enough.

Go quickly now.

The zombies spring easily from the wet earth.

Massive god...

this cannot be.

Where is she?

- She must be closely monitored, and her room locked.

- At all times.

Miss Elizabeth Bennet.

Did you walk all the way here?

Yes.

How's my sister?

She was feverish and slept ill last night.

I think she has the flu.

Or worse.

I detest illness.

Keeps one in a continual state of inelegance.

Quite.

May I tend to her?

Of course. Edwin, show Ms. Bennet the way.

Thank you.

I will not make the same mistake I made

at Mrs. Featherstone's whist party Bingley.

Oh Janey.

Miss Bennet?

The physician has arrived.

Please.

She got caught in the down pour?

Yes.

The wound, doctor.

Her musket backfired.

I see no indication of a bite.

That was never in question.

I believe that these belong to you.

How is she?

She's fast asleep.

I'm sure she'll be quite well, please!

Join us, Miss Bennet.

Oh, thank you but I'll amuse myself with a book.

You prefer reading to cards?

I prefer a great many things to cards Mr. Hurst.

- I don't speak horrible Japanese.

- No, of course.

You didn't train in Japan.

China, was it?

A Shaolin Temple in Henan Province.

It was there that I learned to

endure all manner of discomfort.

May I inquire as to the

nature of this discomfort?

I would much rather give

you a demonstration.

Mr. Darcy.

Is your sister much grown since the spring?

She's now about the same

height as Ms. Elizabeth Bennet.

I don't believe I've ever met

a girl so extremely accomplished.

The word "accomplished" is far too

liberally applied to young ladies today but

my sister Georgiana does

deserve that distinction.

Not only is she a master of the female arts but

Deadly as well.

I cannot boast knowing more half

a dozen in the whole range of my acquaintance

that is less accomplished.

Nor I, I'm sure.

And Mr. Darcy.

You must comprehend a great deal in

your idea of an accomplished woman?

I do.

A woman must have a thorough knowledge of

Music, singing, drawing, dancing

and the modern languages.

She must be well trained in the

fighting styles of the Kyoto masters

and weapons and tactics of modern Europe.

Or the term would only...

Half deserved.

And you know six such women?

I wonder now at your knowing any.

Are you so severe on your own sex?

A woman is either highly trained or highly refined.

One cannot afford the luxury of both in such times.

Ah..

"L'Art De La Guerre"

The art of war.

Have you not read it in its original Wu dialect?

Alas.

I should get back to Jane.

She is one of those young ladies who seeks

to recommend themselves to

men by undervaluing their own sex.

Undoubtedly.

Mrs. Bennet. Miss Bennet, Ms. Bennet.... and Ms. Bennet.

Mrs. Bennet I'm so glad to see you.

On, yeah and sadly on this distressing circumstances.

Are you here to take Jane home?

No.

Yes, we must not trespass

any longer on your kindness.

Surely she is too ill to be moved?

Truly, she does look very pale.

Bingley!

I must protest.

Bingley.

Please.

Carelessness when dealing with a zombie infection

can lead to your abrupt demise.

Arrogance can lead to yours.

Your defect, Ms. Bennet, besides eavesdropping...

is to willfully misunderstand people.

And yours is to be unjustly prejudiced against them.

Come on, Eliza, come on.

Mr. Bingley, I know just the

thing to break this terrible tension and...

and lift the spirits of the county.

A ball at Netherfield.

Out of the question!

The security risk alone-

It's a brilliant idea.

When Janey's recovered, we shall.

If you please name the day.

She'd be honored.

Look at her.

We could have stayed on for

another week in that palace.

I'd risk a cold before I'd risk Darcy's blade.

Mrs. Beacham's orphanage fell.

There will be an addition to

our party for dinner tonight.

It would appear your health is fully restored.

Quite recovered, Papa.

I know of no one who is coming.

The person of whom I speak, is a certain gentleman.

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