Private Lessons Page #3

Be careful. Watch it.

I'll wash your shoulder.

Well, how does that feel?

Are you sure you don't want

to take them off?

Okay, under one condition.

And what's that?

That we put out the lights.

It's a deal.

Be careful.

Be careful.

- Can I help you?

- No thanks.

I think I'd better go now.

Philly, wait a second.

- Wait a second, will you?

- What?

I'm sorry.

Will you forgive me?

Okay.

Hey, prove it.

How?

By sleeping with me tonight.

No thanks.

Why not?

Well, I tried it once before

in summer camp

and I know for a fact that you can't

get a good night's sleep when someone else

is in the same bunk with you.

Well, thank you.

It's been a lovely evening.

Just to show that

there's no hard feelings,

would you kiss me good night?

Okay.

Is it all right

if I kiss you good night?

I guess so.

Bath! Are you kidding?

Give me your hand.

Who the heck takes baths

with other people?

Except for the Japanese

I mean.

Have you heard of any?

No. Nobody except the Japanese.

- Did you touch 'em?

- What?

Her knockers,

did you touch them?

- Well, sort of.

- What do you mean "sort of'?

Thank you.

Did you or didn't you?

Well, not with my hands.

With my elbows.

Doesn't that get broads hot,

touching their knockers,

even with your elbows?

I don't know.

Aw, to hell with this.

Nice girls let you

touch their knockers

if they like you or

if they're going steady with you.

If they let you get any farther

than that,

either they have to be a whore

or they're married to you, isn't that right?

I don't know.

Hey, Philly, stay out

of my sun, all right?

- Hey, Philly, you wanna know what I think?

- What?

- I think Miss Mallow's a whore.

- No, she's not.

- Yes, she is.

- No, she's not.

Just because she took a bath

with me doesn't make her a whore.

- Lots of people take baths with other people.

- Who?

The Japanese.

You said so yourself.

Maybe she's part Japanese?

Hey, Philly, wanna know

what else I think?

- What?

- I think you're falling for her.

- You're crazy.

- No, I'm not.

- Well, Sherman.

- What?

Listen, Sherman.

What?

Do you think that if a guy

touches a woman's knockers--

not on a date,

but in his own house--

think it would still count

as getting to second base?

With his hands

or with his elbows?

- With his hands.

- No, I think it has to be on a real date.

Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Oh, excuse me, I'm--

Oh, hi, Joyce.

- Hi.

- Come on.

Don't you think she's one of

the most fantastic creatures?

- I like you better.

- You'll make me blush.

Hold on a second.

- Hello?

- Hello, son.

Oh, hi, Dad.

- How you doin', Philly?

- Great. Just great.

Good. Good.

Well, it's going pretty good here too,

and I've got a lot to tell you

when I get back.

By the way, how's the new bike

working out? Any snags?

- Oh, no. The bike's just fine.

- Oh, that's good.

Glad to hear it. And Miss Mallow,

is she working out okay too?

Oh, yes. Miss Mallow's

working out fine too.

Oh, good.

Put her on, will you?

- You want to talk to her?

- Yeah.

She's not here right now.

She's in the john.

What's so funny?

Oh, nothing, Dad.

Oh. Well, Philly, look.

I'm gonna have to

get off the phone now.

I've got a lot of work to do

before tomorrow's meeting.

Say good night to

Miss Mallow for me, will you?

Okay, I'll say good night

to Miss Mallow for you, Dad.

- And you take care now, huh?

- Okay, Dad.

- Okay, son. Good night.

- Good night, Dad.

Let me help you.

Thank you.

Listen.

Are we going to...

you know?

Would you like to?

Except for one thing.

What?

Well, I don't really know how.

Well, I might be able to show you.

Good.

I'd just like to say

one thing before we start.

- What?

- That I respect you.

I don't think that you're a whore

or anything like that.

That's very sweet of you, Philly.

I'd also say that

I'm prepared to marry you...

whenever you say.

Oh, you don't have to say that.

No, I'm not just saying that.

I'm not just handing you a line or anything.

I wanna marry you.

Oh, Philly, listen to me.

A man and a woman

should only get married

when they want to

raise a family together

or they want to live together.

What's wrong with that?

A man and a woman

should only get married

when they love each other.

But I do love you.

Don't you love me?

- I guess so.

- But you don't want to marry me.

- Is that it?

- I didn't say that.

You didn't say that, but that's what

you were thinking, isn't it?

Some silly-ass little kid has just told you

that he loves you and wants to marry you.

It's probably all you can do

to keep from laughing out loud.

- Philly, you're wrong.

- I'm not wrong.

I should have kept

my big mouth shut.

You what?

You asked her to marry you?

What are you, sick?

I know. I should have played it cool,

strung her along a while.

That's the way

you have to treat women.

So tell me, did you get

to second base?

- Oh, yeah, sure.

- Was it fun?

Oh, sure. You know.

- But why'd you have to ask her to marry you?

- What?

If she's that easy,

she's probably a whore.

- She is not a whore.

- Is too.

Is not.

Listen. I just wanted to apologize

for the way I've been acting.

Guess I've been acting

very juvenile lately,

and I'm sorry.

Okay?

Well, I guess we might

just go steady for a while.

Fantastic!

I love that dress you're wearing.

- It's really beautiful.

- Thank you.

Well, where do you plan

to take me tonight?

I have this little place that I know.

I think you'll enjoy it.

Oh, Lester seems

to be in a good mood.

So am I.

Hop in.

Thank you for the corsage.

It's truly beautiful.

Oh, glad you like it.

And the Chateaubriand for two.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

And I think I'll have a glass

of white wine to go with it.

Madame is perhaps mistaken.

With the red meat

we have the red wine.

Excuse me.

The lady prefers the white wine.

I'd like you to bring her

what she prefers.

Whatever you say, monsieur.

You are the boss, no?

For he's a jolly good fellow

For he's a jolly good fellow

For he's a jolly good fellow

Which nobody can deny

Monsieur wish some dessert?

The Napoleon peut-etre?

The rhum au baba?

The mousse au chocolat?

The mousse is very nice

for you, madame.

It is, how you say, succulent.

No. Thank you very much.

We've had enough.

Monsieur wishes a coffee?

The tea? The espresso?

The cappuccino?

The Sanka brand decaffeinated coffee?

The cappuccino is very nice

for you, madame.

No, thank you.

Really, we've had enough.

Madame wishes

the after-dinner liqueur?

The Kahlua, the Sambuca,

the Aparet?

I said we've had enough.

Ah, ah, ah.

Monsieur wishes the after-dinner mint.

The Frango mint.

The check.

May we just have the check please?

Thank you, Lester.

- And thank you for a lovely evening.

- You're welcome.

Did you believe that waiter

with his funny accent?

Oh, God.

I'm so proud of you.

You're a real gentleman,

you know?

Miss Mallow...

I love you.

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