Private Parts Page #12

- I don't advise you living here.

- Excuse me.

It is disgusting.

Take a look behind the fireplace.

You'll see. Excuse me.

I'll come back and tell you.

What the hell do you

think you're doing?

Robin, you got your job back,

so what's the problem?

The problem is that

when I needed you,

you didn't stand

behind me.

Robin, those guys are a**holes.

They screwed you,

and they screwed me. We gotta

get back in there and beat them.

We were supposed

to be a team.

We are a team,

for God's sakes.

We're gonna be the greatest team

in the history of radio.

Come on.

What's the big deal?

Look at me, Robin.

Robin...

See this?

Look what I'm doing.

You know what I'm doing?

I'm begging you.

I'm begging you.

I'm serious.

Come here.

I'm gonna kiss your feet.

Look at these gams.

Look at these feet.

I'm worshipping your foot.

Look at me, Robin.

What are you doing?

People are looking

at us.

I'm begging you to...

I'm liking it down here.

Hey, Robin,

you love this,

don't you?

It gives me

great pleasure now

to welcome back

on our show

the very beautiful,

multitalented...

uh, vivacious...

tight-sweatered...

beautifully big-breasted

Robin Quivers. I love her.

Thank you.

May I say that you are

beautifully big-breasted again?

No.

Thank God you're back,

'cause the show sucked without you.

Actually, I just want to say

how much I really missed you and...

Aww.

That I really do love you,

and I'm just

so glad you're back.

OK there, Mr. Rushton,

You pick up the phone,

and it rings right into my booth.

Good, but don't

answer it.

Immediately disconnect

Stern's microphone,

dump out of the delay,

and go straight to a record.

That would be it,

sir.

Always have a record

ready to go.

Yes, sir.

This little puppy's finally

gonna get housebroken.

Oh, look at this, Robin.

This is unbelievable.

Oh, the underpants

are coming off.

That is the first naked lady

in the history of radio.

Sans panties, sans bra.

I am shocked.

So am I.

This is disgraceful.

We should be taken

off the air.

You've finally done it.

Ohh! Beautiful. You're a work of art.

Did you know that?

Thank you, Howard.

Let me tell you

something.

Now, to ensure our place

in the history of radio,

Mandy has agreed to actually

get on the floor with me

and give me a massage

while she is nude.

What does a massage have to do

with making it into history?

Who knows? I don't know.

Massage, schmas.

I just gotta

get touched.

I can't wait, Howard.

You can't wait?

Let me tell you something...

I'm not kidding around...

You are beautiful,

and my thoughts

are right in the gutter.

You understand what I mean?

This is the Tudor,

right?

Center hall plan,

very traditional.

Naked Woman:
I've been

thinking about you, too.

Only reason it's for sale

is they're divorcing.

Would you believe 80%% %

of my listings are from divorces?

Howard:
Mmm.

For God's sakes.

Now, what do you suggest

we do here?

Why don't you come lay

over here and get comfortable?

I could do that.

All right.

I can't believe

my luck here.

Don't hurt yourself

getting over there.

I won't.

All right,

hold on a second.

Let me get

my cans on.

OK.

Ooh, you know what?

You know... Oh, man.

Let me soak you in.

Holy cow,

are you naked.

You know what I like

about you?

What?

I like that you're

the perfect height.

I could have sex

with you standing up.

Look at that. Ooh.

Robin:

Howard! You're married.

I am? I mean, I am.

Well, I'm not really

married anymore.

What do you mean?

Take a seat. I'll

Tell you what happened.

My wife was suffering from cancer...

I never told you this...

and she died last night.

I've been single

for exactly 6 hours.

Honey, if you're

up there now,

I know you can hear me,

and you're at God's side,

but I want you to cover

your ears and eyes.

Besides, you're married

to God now...

Your husband's

quite a character.

Only on the radio.

It's just an act.

Oh, oh, that's nice. No one's ever

touched me like this before.

Let me ask you

something.

You have the look

of love in your eyes,

but I'm an ugly man.

I know this.

You couldn't be physically

attracted to me, could you?

Physically, I am.

I mean, you're smart,

you're sexy.

Wait. Excuse me

for one minute. Robin...

I didn't say a thing.

Robin, go up to the cafeteria

and get some lunch.

Yeah, go ahead.

Tell me more about me.

You're funny.

You know what I would

do to you physically?

What would you do?

I don't know what I'd do,

but let me just say something.

Whatever it is,

it would last 3 seconds.

3 seconds,

I'd be finished.

We would have sex, like,

10 times a day. You would love it.

I kind of want to

wrap my legs around you.

You do?

The average radio listener

listens for 18 minutes.

Mm-hmm.

The average Howard Stern fan

listens for...

are you ready for this?

An hour and 20 minutes.

How can that be?

Answer

most commonly given:

"I want to see

what he'll say next."

All right, OK, fine.

But what about the people

who hate Stern?

Good point.

The average Stern hater...

listens for

21/2 hours a day.

Look, but if they hate him,

why do they listen?

Most common answer:

"I want to see

what he'll say next."

- Kenny.

- F***ing twisted. What?

You'd better listen to this.

Howard:
This is nice.

You wanna know something?

This is

the God's honest truth.

Come here.

I want to tell you closer.

I am fully aroused right now.

I am totally engorged.

Oh, my God.

Naked Woman:

Well, after the show,

why don't we go someplace else

and see how it feels?

Really? That's great.

You know why I love you?

'Cause you're smart.

- And you're practically a virgin, right?

- [Telephone Buzzing]

Practically.

You have a sharp ass.

I'm gonna be so honest

with you now.

- I've never said this before.

- [Music Plays]

I'm telling you,

I'm a full 21/2 inches,

and I've never been 21/2...

What's the music?

We're off the air.

Are we off the air?

Oh. Would you do me a favor?

Just stay right there, OK?

What the hell's going on?

What are you doing, man?

Look, Rushton told me,

this phone...

Oh, come on, man.

Don't listen to Kenny.

I'm just doing what

he told me, that's all.

Sh*t, man, you don't

take me off the air

in the middle

of a f***ing bit.

Come on.

Don't listen to Kenny.

You're supposed

to listen to me.

He's the boss.

Forget it.

You believe this?

What the hell

are they doing?

Yeah, hi.

Can I speak to Kenny?

It's Howard over

in the air studio.

Just hold the line.

As soon

as they get him on,

just keep him on the line.

Fred, get me back

on the air.

Just patch the phone call

onto the air, OK?

Just put it right through

as soon as you can.

F***, man.

# Oh, the canvas

can do miracles #

# Just you wait and see... #

Patch it in.

I said patch it in!

Yes, Robin, he's

running in right now.

Can I have the phone, please,

just for a second?

Hi, Robin.

We back on the air?

Robin:
Yeah.

Everybody can hear.

OK, I'm right outside

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