Private Parts Page #3

I was sort of living

with Alison

while she worked on her Master's

of social work, which was really great.

I was also still living

with my parents...

Howard's Mother:

Howard?

Which wasn't so great.

Yeah. Yeah, ma?

I smell smoke.

Are you smoking in there?

No, Ma.

There's no smoke in here.

Wimpy Voice:

107 FM, WRNW.

I'm Howard Stern

with you each and every day,

and I've got a great

two for Tuesday.

107 FM... The Ramones...

Gabba gabba wee,

Gabba gabba hey,

Gabba gabba gabba gabba...

[lncreases Volume]

Howard, you stink.

I don't mince words.

You will never be a great disc jockey.

You have lousy voice, lousy personality,

and this will not change.

OK? So on the air

is not for you.

But you come on time,

and you are good worker, huh?

So...

how about I make you...

program director?

Program director?

Program... director.

You. You.

You run station.

You... sit.

You pick music.

No more $96 a week.

Eh. I pay you...

you, eh?

$250 a week.

[Chuckles]

You be management...

like me.

To be quite honest, I didn't really

want to be a programmer.

But at $250 a week,

I could marry Alison,

and we'd get

a real place together.

Oh, look at her.

I mean, this was a miracle.

Here's this beautiful girl,

I mean, a gorgeous woman,

willing to spend

the rest of her life with me.

I just couldn't

have been happier.

I was the happiest

program director in the world.

Yeah, me.

Program director.

Overnight,

I become the big boss.

Howard Stern,

executive manager.

I had no idea

what I was doing,

no clue what to do

with this job whatsoever,

but I did it, and everyone

bought into it.

They thought I knew what I was doing.

This was great.

Howard.

Oh, hey, Moti.

Advertising is up.

Profit is up.

Oh, great.

As a disc jockey, you're...

you're sh*t... ha ha ha ha...

But you are a great programmer.

Here, payday.

Thanks, Moti.

Listen, I want you

to fire Dickie Davis.

But why?

None of your business.

The guy's got 3 kids.

You want to be management,

you fire him, huh?

It's good to fire someone. It gives

a good message to the others.

Just fire him, huh?

I don't want to fire him.

You fire him.

Howard...

disc jockeys are dogs.

Your job is to make them

fetch, eh?

Now, if you want

to truly be management,

you be a man

and fire him.

Do it. Be a man.

Moti:
Tell Dickie Davis

Howard wants to see him now.

[Vomiting]

[Vomiting]

How? Howard?

Don't look.

You OK?

[Coughs]

Let me ask you something.

Would you still love me...

if I gave up

my programming job,

and I stayed on the air,

and I made a lot less money?

Yes. I mean, you know,

I'd have to leave you,

but I'd still love you.

Be serious.

If I make less money, we wouldn't

even be able to afford this apartment.

Well, we can't really

afford the apartment now,

so it doesn't quite matter,

really.

I guess.

Do what you need to do.

Come on back here,

hold this sign...

right in front of you.

Come on back.

I want you to say

"Howard goes to Hartford

and becomes the wacky

morning man at WCCC."

[Enunciation Unclear]

Howard goes to Hartford at CCC.

"Howard goes to Hartford and becomes

the wacky morning man at WCCC."

Howard goes to Hartford

at W...

All right, all right,

that's not going to work.

Howard comes to Hartford

to become the wacky morning man

at WCCC.

Gary:
Let's see

some muscles.

Gary:
How about

some back muscles?

Was my voice too deep

doing that?

No. It's very feminine.

WCCC, FM 107 and AM 1290.

My name is Fred Norris,

and, uh...

stick around for

the new guy Howard Stern

And the Howard Stern

program.

Hi.

Oh. Oh, my God.

Oh, it's so...

Hi,

I'm Howard Stern.

How you doing?

You're Fred.

I can't believe

how late I am.

Who would've thought?

I'm on the Berlin turnpike,

and I take a left-hand turn,

and I've rehearsed this 500 times,

getting here, and I somehow got lost.

Ohh.

I'm sweating.

I'm so hot.

I'm so tahitzed.

[Sighs] I'm hot.

I was planning

on being on time.

Whoo, man.

Whoo-oo-oo...

107 FM, AM 1290, WCCC.

Good morning.

My name is Howard Stern.

I'm the new morning man on CCC.

Sitting with me,

uh, Mr. Ringo...

Mr. Ringo Starr,

and he's here in the studio.

Hi, Ringo.

[Lmitates Ringo]

How you doin', me love?

I wish you'd play us a little

Wipeout this morning,

Wake everybody up.

Oh, yeah,

that was great, Ringo.

CCC, AM 1290, FM 107.

This is Cheap Trick.

[Cheap Trick Song Plays]

Ohh. Thank you.

Whoa.

Howard:
Hartford ended up

being OK, you know.

I mean, Fred seemed

to really like me.

I mean, I think

he really liked me.

The guy's like wallpaper.

Who can get a read on him?

And Alison, well,

she got a job right away.

Now, if you wanted

to buy liver for dinner,

what would you do?

Go to the...

supermarket?

That's right.

And then what?

This afternoon...

Gray skies,

occasional showers,

and precipitation.

Highs near 75.

It's going to be

raining like cats...

[lmitating Cat

And Chicken]

And chickens,

I don't think so.

[Lmitating Dog]

And dogs.

WCCC also wants

to remind you

that our new sponsor

Stanley Sport,

um, is a great place

to go.

You know, I got to tell you something.

When I was a child,

I used to go to Stanley Sport

all the time.

I loved Stanley Sport.

My parents would take me through there,

and we just had a great time.

And we could walk out

with tons of stuff

even though my parents

didn't make a lot of money.

Oh.

And, uh, "There's only

one Stanley Sports,

"and the grand opening

is this weekend.

Mark it on your calendar."

The grand opening

is this...

I just realized, uh... that makes

no sense what I just said.

I just told you I went there as a kid,

and now the grand opening...

Well, I just...

I think I was just caught in a lie.

Oh, boy. You know

what the truth is?

I'm a disc jockey

who makes $250 a week,

and I just want to do

the right thing here on the air.

I don't want to get fired,

so, uh, I guess I lied to you,

but, uh, I'll never let that

happen again. You know what I mean?

Oh, boy, do I feel stupid.

Seriously, I heard

the show today.

I think you're

really getting good.

What part did you

like in particular?

Was it the Chinese guy calling in

for the Doobie Brothers tickets?

You know when you did that ad,

when you were just being yourself?

That's what

you liked?

Yeah.

Really?

It was funny.

# Gonna use my arms,

gonna use my legs... #

Howard:
Little by little,

our ratings

actually improved,

and before long,

I got to interview

my first real

semifamous celebrity,

"B" movie star

Brittany Fairchild.

While I'm

interviewing her,

she actually invites me

to go to a premiere

for her movie.

I remember

how embarrassing it was

because nobody

knew who I was.

I'm escorting

this woman around,

and none of these people

know who I am.

They just think she has

some ugly boyfriend, you know?

But who cared?

I mean, it was exciting.

Woman In Movie:
Hello?

I'm here for the shoot.

Is anybody there?

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