Private Parts Page #4

Hello?

Howard:
Ohh.

My back hurts.

Would you mind taking me

back to my hotel room?

I know this director,

and he told me that

when he was little,

his mother

killed his sister,

but was never charged.

Wow.

Come in.

Come in.

- It's nice.

- Sit down.

[Keys Jangle]

I'll be right back.

OK.

Hey, man.

Free drinks.

Ahem.

[Faucet Squeaks]

[Water Running]

What the hell

is she doing?

I think she's

running a bath.

Oh, my God, man,

she's taking her clothes off.

I guess she forgot

to close the door.

Well, she's

a Hollywood actress.

They have a lot

on their mind.

Oh, my God.

Oh, is she cute.

Brittany:
Howard?

Yes?

Could you come here

for a second?

Oh. Hi.

My shoulders tense up

when I travel.

Would you mind

rubbing them for a minute?

Works best when

I'm in a hot bath.

It helps

relax the muscles.

I don't know

if that's OK or not.

Please.

It really hurts.

Look, I don't know

that I can do this.

I'll tell you what,

I'll just kneel over here,

and I'll rub your shoulders

from back here.

No. Sit behind me

in the tub.

Oh, I can't do that.

Why not?

Well, for one thing,

my clothes are gonna get all wet.

Well, then I guess

you better take them off.

I got to tell you something.

You are gorgeous,

And... And you're a great actress

and everything,

but I got a wife at home.

I can't cheat on my wife.

Then leave

your underwear on.

What?

If you leave your underwear on,

then you can't cheat.

It's just like

going swimming.

Howard:
I don't know

what it was,

but she started

making a lot of sense.

I really

need your help.

My back

really hurts.

Fred:
She's right.

Could you start

with my shoulders?

Ahh...

yeah.

Mmm.

Can you come around

my sides?

I think I pulled a muscle

in my rib cage.

Mmm.

Howard...

I know how to give

a man pleasure.

Mmm.

Ooh. Oh.

Pleasure.

Oh. Oh, wow.

No, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Stop that. Stop.

Oh, whoa.

Oh, man.

Wow. Thank you.

Oh, my.

Thanks. Thanks...

Thanks for everything.

Listen, the premiere

and everything.

Oh, my God.

I just...

I just got to go.

You know, it was a great

interview on the radio.

Thanks... Thanks...

Thank you.

I really got to go.

Good-bye!

[Door Closes]

# I'll take you there #

# Oh, oh #

# Oh! #

# I'll take you there #

# Oh! Oh! Oh! #

# I'll take you there #

# Mercy now #

# I'll take you there #

# I'm callin',

callin' #

# Callin'

for mercy #

# I'll take you there #

# Mercy, mercy #

[Scrubbing]

Hi.

Hey. How was it?

So bad. So horrible.

I just had

the worst night of my life.

I mean, I can't even begin

to tell you how miserable I am.

It is so late.

I got to get to bed.

I mean, no one

realizes I got to be up

at 4:
00 in the morning

in that radio station.

I can't believe

how late it is.

- Go up and get in...

- OK.

L... I just...

I just need to rest.

I need to get some sleep.

Horrible.

God, let me

get away with this,

and I swear I'll never stray

from Alison again. Never.

Howard On Radio:
I just want

to thank someone this morning.

I want to thank

Brittany Fairchild

For having myself

and Fred

out to, uh, her new movie.

It was really good.

Fred, what'd you think

of the movie?

Fred:
I was very moved.

I think a lot of us

were moved last night.

CCC, AM 1290, FM 107...

It's the fifth-largest market

in the United States,

and they want me

to start tomorrow,

which is a good sign,

I think.

That means they're,

you know,

they're really desperate

for me, which I like.

And they say they're gonna move the

building to the best part of the city,

which I think is good, too...

You know, pump money into the facility.

And the station manager

says we are gonna be

the most aggressive

radio station in Detroit.

We are gonna dominate

the marketplace, which I lo...

Are these yours?

They're wet.

Howard:
Alison's not

coming to Detroit.

I should have

just come home

and told my wife everything,

admitted the truth,

'cause now my wife

doesn't even trust me anymore,

and I don't blame her because

I don't trust me, either.

I'm a stupid idiot.

I'm so stupid!

What am I gonna do?

I don't know.

I can always

count on you for help, man.

Thanks.

I appreciate it.

Listen, man, as soon as I get

to Detroit and things start happenin',

I'm gonna get these guys

to hire you, all right?

OK.

Fred, I'm serious.

I'm not gonna forget ya.

Bye.

[Ted Nugent's

Cat Scratch Fever Plays]

# Cat scratch fever... #

Howard.

How you doing, man?

How you doing, Marvin?

- Good to see you.

- Good to see you, too.

Hey, Patricia Fonfara,

meet Howard Stern. Your newslady.

Hi. I'm really looking forward

to working with you.

The Duke of rock's

just finishing up,

and then we're gonna

get right inside, so...

Hey, Marvin, what happened

to the new building?

I told you, we're gonna

build a new building.

First we got to build

an audience. Heh.

Hey, the Duke of rock's

gettin' ready to walk,

but I want you

to stick around,

because we got

a brand-new morning man...

looks like Big Bird

to me...

coming next

on W4106 FM.

What's happening, man?

Come on in, Big Bird.

How you doing, man?

Good to see ya.

How's things? What's that?

You're gonna do what?

Is that ri... Well, now,

how about that, kiddies?

He's gonna have Kermit the Frog

come in here and sing the Alphabet Song,

isn't that somethin'?

Coming up next

on the Big Bird show.

I got to go. See you

at midnight tonight.

This is the Duke of rock

saying,

If you can't be good,

be bad, baby.

Bye.

Hi. How you doing?

Howard Stern.

Nice to see you.

Listened to your show

last night. It was great.

Lookin' forward

to working with you.

Don't hurt yourself,

man.

OK, thanks.

Thank you.

[Door Closes]

Thank you.

What am I

thanking him for?

Howard:
So let's review.

My life sucked,

Alison dumped me,

I didn't know if she'd

ever come back to me,

and now this dickwad

is calling me Big Bird.

106 FM, WWWW.

I don't know.

Something in me just snapped.

My name

is Howard Stern,

and welcome to

the new morning show.

And we have

a new feature for you.

This is, uh,

something special.

We have a traffic copter now

here at WWWW.

Let's go up to Mama Look-a boo boo day

in the traffic copter.

Mama, you there?

Hello? Mama? Uh.

[Helicopter Flying

Sound Effect]

Hello?

[Doing Mama's Voice] Yes, hello.

This is Mama Look-a boo boo day,

the only black traffic reporter

in the Detroit area,

I'm proud to say.

Pleasure to make

your acquaintance this morning, Mama.

Tell me, uh, what's going on

in the traffic?

First, a political

statement, if I may.

Kill, Kill, Kill...

The White Man,

by Eugene

Mama Look-a boo boo day.

Eugene is my pen name 'cause

I wrote this while I was in the pen.

OK, here we go.

Kill, kill,

kill the white man.

Kill him

until he is dead.

Kill the white man.

Thank you.

[Jimi Hendrix's All Along

The Watchtower Plays]

Yeah, hi. Can I speak

to Alison Stern, please?

Her husband Howard.

It's Howard.

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