Private Parts Page #5

Hello?

# There must be some

kind of way out of here #

# Said the joker

to the thief #

# There's

too much confusion #

# I can't get no relief #

# Businessmen, they'll #

# They'll drink my wine #

# Plowmen dig my earth... #

[Siren]

You talk too much.

And very important,

I want the time

and the temperature

4 times every 15 minutes,

not 3. 4.

My grandmother

died last night.

I spent all night with her

in the hospital.

She... She

had a car accident.

By the way, uh...

It's 6:
45. Temperature

is, uh, 58 degrees.

# No reason

to get excited #

Anyway, her head

went through the windshield.

You know, it's funny,

but her last words...

# The thief,

he kindly spoke #

# There are many here

among us #

I want you back

so bad...

# Who feel that life

is but a joke #

# But you and I,

we've been through that #

# And this not our fate... #

Howard:
I had, like,

no listeners,

and the couple of listeners

I did have

Would call in and tell me

how bad I sucked

on a regular basis.

Although, I did manage to convince

one of them to be my weather lady.

Irene...

the weather girl.

Irene,

are you there?

It's cold, real cold,

but your ass

is gonna be plenty hot

when I give you a good,

hard butt-whipping.

Tongue.

What do you think

about that?

Turns you on, doesn't it,

you little maggot?

Yeah.

Irene, thank you

for the weather forecast.

Shut up.

We hope to hear

from you tomorrow...

Give us some

more weather.

Bite me, you loser.

You shaved

your mustache.

Jeez. Alison.

It's great to see you.

Al, I miss you so much.

I'm feelin' so miserable

since you left.

I am just so uncomfortable

in this Detroit. I'm...

Howard...

I'm willing to believe

you didn't sleep with that girl.

OK? And I understand

you're a somewhat abnormal person

with a somewhat abnormal job.

That I can accept.

I deal with abnormality

every single day.

I don't need everything

in my life to be normal.

And on the air,

you do what you do. That's your job.

But off the air,

for me to be in this marriage...

I need to know

I'm the only one.

And I'm not saying that

to pressure you.

I'm saying it because it's

just something I know about myself.

So... if you need more time

or whatever...

I don't need

any more time.

I am just so madly

in love with you.

I don't... I don't need

anyone else in my life.

I never wanted

anyone else in my life.

All I want is you.

I just want you

to forgive me.

Thanks for coming back.

Wow.

Come on, you guys.

Right up here looks perfect.

Howard:

Isn't Alison amazing?

She's in town,

like, 2 minutes,

and already she's got a job

working with a bunch of wackos.

Excuse me.

Mentally challenged.

Nice day, huh?

What can I do

to help here?

Well, I'm gonna

set up lunch...

OK.

And you can play frisbee

with the guys.

Start again.

Here we go.

Oh. I'm so sorry.

Listen, what you

got to do is,

you got to put

this hand up, OK?

And you got to try

and catch it, OK?

All right,

here we go.

Ready? Here we go.

I'm so sorry.

You know what

we're gonna do?

Just tell me that you're ready.

Are you ready?

Y-Yes.

Howard! Howard!

Marvin.

I was hoping

I'd find you here.

I have some

very exciting news!

Oh. Are you

all right?

Yeah. Yeah.

That was good.

You just got to wait

till somebody looks, OK?

Hoo. Uh, well, we decided that

Detroit has too many rock stations,

so starting tomorrow

we're starting a new format,

and it'll give us

a real great edge.

[Country Music Playing]

[Yodeling]

# Ooh ooh #

# Ooh-ooh-ooh

dee dee #

# Ooh doo #

# Doo-doop

doo-doo-doo #

# Doo doo ooh #

# Ooh-ooh-ooh

dee dee... #

Howdy, cowpokes.

Uh, I know I shouldn't be

interrupting in the middle of a song,

but I got to

tell you something.

I know a lot of you out there

really love this music,

but I just don't get it.

Explain it to me.

And maybe it's 'cause

I went to college,

and I never drove a truck

and had sex with

my daddy's sister, but...

I guess what I'm

trying to say is, I...

I don't think

I'm the man for this job.

So this is your old pal

Hopalong Howie saying I quit.

L... I think I quit.

# Ooh-ooh-ooh

dee dee #

# Ooh doo #

# Doo-doop

doo-doo-doo #

# Doo doo ooh #

# Ooh-ooh-ooh

dee dee #

# Oh #

# Dee dee dee #

What?

Nothing.

[Door Closes]

What is it?

I feel like

such a loser.

It's not your fault.

It was a lame station.

Yeah, it was my fault.

You can't blame a radio station.

It's my screwup.

In what way?

In a way that I gotta

figure out what I'm gonna be.

I mean, I don't want to be

one of these disc jockeys

that runs around the country, you know,

looking for work all the time.

I don't want to end up like that.

It's so sad.

It's so apparent to me now

what I should be doing.

I should be talking

about my personal life.

I've got to get intimate.

And every time I feel like

I shouldn't say something,

maybe I should just say it,

just blurt it out, you know?

I just got to

let things fly.

I got to go all the way.

You didn't go

all the way before?

No. I mean...

No. A lot of times,

I'm just holding back.

Then I guess you should

go all the way.

Hold the sign

nice and low.

With a big smile...

Very sexy...

This is about Howard

coming to Washington.

What's going on here?

Um, we're

shooting a movie.

Hey,

you got a permit?

Uh, no, we don't

have a permit,

but this is,

like, one line,

and we'll be done with them in a second

and we'll be out of your way.

You can't be there, then.

You're blocking the median.

Come on, you're

gonna have to move.

Um, this if for

the Howard Stern movie.

Wait a minute.

You said Howard Stern?

Yeah.

This is his movie.

Is Howard here?

No, he's not here today,

not in this scene,

but this is his movie.

Come on.

You got to move.

Tsk. Give us a break.

It'll take a second.

Just look right

at the camera,

and say, "Howard

comes to Washington."

Howard comes

to Washington.

Hey, let's go!

Come on!

Howard's, like,

a big fan of the cops.

He loves you guys.

We could have

been done by now.

Guess what.

You are done.

Howard:
I was hired by

an FM rock station, DC 101,

and that's when I met

the other woman in my life.

Howard?

Hi. I'm Robin Quivers,

your newswoman.

Oh. Oh, I'm really looking forward

to working with you.

It's great to meet you.

Same here.

Yeah, this is

gonna be great.

OK, I'm just gonna go over here

and work on my script.

We're almost set.

Ooh. [Clears Throat]

[Clearing Throat]

[Snort Snort]

[Sniff Sniff]

Ahem.

DC 101. Good morning.

This is Howard Stern.

Welcome to the show.

I have a confession

to make.

I did not get, uh,

laid last night.

In fact, I haven't gotten laid

in a really long time.

Now, give me a call

here at DC 101

if you have

the same kind of problem.

Having trouble

with your woman?

Give me a call.

I'll help you out.

Let me introduce,

over here to my right,

my beautiful new newswoman

Robin Quivers, who looks so beautiful,

I'm sure she doesn't have

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