Private Parts Page #9

We didn't drive here

for you to change your mind.

No. It's just very

humiliating to me.

What's humiliating?

It's not that big a deal.

We've done it a lot

on the show.

I think Howard would appreciate it

if you would do it for us.

No. I changed my mind,

and I'm really sorry.

I know I told you that I'd do it,

but I don't want to.

I think it's

very humiliating.

Husband:
Honey, this is not humiliating.

This is show business.

You got a great body.

Let everybody see it.

Yeah. You're beautiful.

You're my husband. Don't make me do

something I don't want to do.

I'm proud of you,

and I want you to do it.

That's why we drove here

from Jersey.

What the hell is

this donkey here for?

Nobody told me anything

about a donkey.

It's a show business

donkey.

The donkey's not part

of the act.

It had nothing

to do with you.

You'll feel at ease

once we go do it.

It'll just

take 2 seconds.

Right now, I need to know,

are you doing it or not?

No, I'm not.

Honey, you are doing it.

I changed my mind. And you're

my husband. You should support me.

Howard goes to New York.

Thanks for nothing.

Gino, let the donkey go.

Come on, guys. Wrap it up.

They're not doing it.

[David Bowie's

Let's Dance Plays]

# Let's dance #

# Put on your red shoes #

# And dance the blues #

# Let's dance #

# To the song they're

playing on the radio... #

Reporter:
What you're about

to hear is going to shock you

because it's vulgar

and obscene.

It's x-rated radio,

barnyard radio.

You mommies and daddies out there

who complained to the radio station,

I got something

to say to you.

Here. [Passes Gas]

Reporter:
This is a story

with a twist.

While we were producing

this report,

Howard Stern was lured away from

Washington by a New York City station.

That station,

you guessed it, is WNBC...

[TV Clicks Off]

This person is coming here

to work at our flagship station?

Yes.

Brad, you gave this

trash-talking bastard a 3-year deal

without even hearing him

on the air?

Yes, Roger.

He's on the FCC's

most-wanted list.

Roger, his rate...

Chuck, will you show

him the numbers.

Through the roof.

No, no. Don't bother.

You're fired,

all of you. Get out.

Get out!

You know,

unless he quits,

it's gonna cost half

a million dollars

to buy

Stern's contract out.

I reject that

on principle.

Uh, Mr. Erlick,

if I may?

Put me in charge

of the Stern show.

Let me ride herd on him,

and I'll mold that son of a b*tch

into another Don Imus.

When I'm through

whipping him,

that boy will be asking

permission to wipe his ass.

You want to tame him?

Well,

either I'll tame him,

or I'll make him

so crazy...

he'll quit.

So either way,

we win.

I'll tell you,

these halls are, like,

you know, uh,

legendary.

It's pretty wild.

Kenny. Howard Stern.

Hi. Hey,

How you doing?

Howard!

Great to meet you.

Oh, it is such a pleasure

to meet you, Howard.

What can I say?

This is unbelievable, you know.

Kenny is the hottest

young programmer in New York City.

Howard, you gotta listen

to this man 'cause he's a genius.

Come on, now.

Ha ha ha ha.

Play nice.

Kenny:
Thanks, man.

God bless.

Good seeing you.

I'll see you later.

He's terrific.

Oh, yeah,

he's been terrific.

Everyone's been so nice.

It's a good feeling.

Howard, how about

you have a seat?

Oh, Howard, Howard,

Howard, Howard, Howard.

[Both Chuckling]

Howard... the way

we work here at NBC...

is a more professional manner

than you're probably used to.

Now, see, I don't care about

what you did down in Washington,

'cause that's

chickenshit radio.

Here at NBC,

this is real radio.

And the first thing

you've gotta do

is say the call letters

properly, OK?

Now, I'm gonna teach you

how to say them, all right?

And you know,

I hope you can get them,

because, see, you don't

have a real good voice

like lmus or Captain Frank

or nothing,

so we're gonna

have to practice it.

Well...

you mean practice

in here now?

You're not going to get bashful

on me now, are you, Howard?

OK, you ready?

The way it's said

properly is...

W N BC.

This is key.

Come on.

[Unenthusiastically]

W N BC.

No. No.

It's gotta be more

like this.

[Clears Throat]

Listen up.

[Voice Lilting]

W N BC.

You hear that?

Kinda lift,

that N BC.

[Overemphasizing]

W N BC.

[Together]

W N BC.

Wider and kind of...

[Together]

W N BC.

One more.

In my mind,

I'm hearing...

It sounds like I'm saying

exactly what you're saying.

No. Actually...

W N BC.

You've gotta

listen to Imus.

Imus does it

perfectly.

Tell you what. I'm gonna take you

down to lmus' office right now,

and you're gonna hear how he does it.

Come on, boy.

- You know, l...

- Come on.

I gotta tell you

something, Kenny.

I always saw myself sort of

something different than lmus.

That's why

you hired me.

You are original. You are original,

but... [Clears Throat]

You say a lot

of offensive things,

and occasionally

you are real funny,

but you've got to learn

to do what Imus does.

See, he doesn't actually

say the bad thing himself.

He says it

through a character.

Yeah, well,

I don't do character...

How about you go on

the air 3 A.M. This morning,

show us some characters.

OK?

Good. Now,

I'm gonna go in there

and just see how he's feeling.

You stay here. OK?

Mr. Imus?

Howard:
Back then,

Don lmus was the number one

disc jockey in New York,

so I guess I was kind of

curious to meet him.

Imus:
You are

interrupting me.

Kenny:
I have, uh,

Howard Stern outside.

You have who outside?

The young man

from Washington that we...

You have Howard Stern

outside my f***ing office?

How did Howard Stern

get outside my f***ing office?

I brought him down...

Well, I'm not gonna meet

that stupid f***. He's nothing.

F*** off!

# 66 #

# 66 #

# WNBC #

Hello. I'm Robin Quivers,

and it's my great pleasure

to introduce you

to New York's

newest disc jockey.

Howard, Lisping:

Ooo-ey, that's me.

Hi. I'm Lance Eluxina

on W N BC.

WNBC.

I'm so excited

because I am New York's

first ever gay disc jockey.

Ever!

And now I want to

introduce to you...

This is

so exciting...

I want to introduce

to you

someone so marvelous,

so wonderful to me,

someone who

has supported me,

is my life mate,

my soul mate, my love mate.

He's everything and anything

to me, Mr. Blackswell.

[Lisping]

Willkommen. Bienvenue.

Welcome. Oh, Robin, it's so lovely

to see you here today.

Hi, Mr. Engineer. Hi.

Mmm. Give me

a kiss. Mmm!

You two are just

adorable together,

and it's a wonderful thing

to have you here,

but I understand there's

already been a problem?

Yes. You know

about this?

I was in the program

director's office.

His name

is Pig Vomit.

Yes, because he

looks like a pig,

and he makes you

want to vomit.

He's Pig Vomit.

Anyway, Pig Vomit

says to me,

"This is not WNBC.

It is W N BC,

W N BC,"

and I was not saying

the call letters right.

It's a big problem,

so in order

to rectify this,

I brought in a cup

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