Private School Page #3

I don't care.

You're all confined to

campus for the next week!

But we... Silence!

If you don't deserve

punishment, I'm sure each of you

will think of something you have

done to deserve it in the past.

Dismissed!

But Miss Dutchbok, I didn't do

anything... Now, now, now, Jordan, dear,

I'm doing this for your own good.

You'll thank me for it in future years.

Run along, dear.

Coach Whelan, pull yourself together.

Oh, dear.

Here, drink this, it'll do you good.

Oh, no, I couldn't

possibly. I don't drink.

Alcohol is poison to the body.

Oh, don't be silly.

Consumed in moderation, alcohol

is perfectly harmless. Watch.

There you are, dear. Mmm-hmm.

See?

I'll be back soon, Bertha, but

you stay here as long as you like.

Very soon I will forget

all about this morning.

Thank you, Miss Dutchbok.

By tomorrow we'll have

forgotten all of this.

Where'd you get all this stuff, anyway?

My brother J.D. left it

to me when he graduated.

Your brother?

Get up!

If we get caught, we're gonna get

expelled. I don't wanna get expelled.

Look, you only go around once in life

and you gotta grab for

all the nookie you can get.

Guys.

Smile.

It's embarrassing. The girl's desperate,

she's got the bathroom packed with

all these smelly and large things.

And she does enough

pushups to make you look...

I've got to get a new roommate.

I think Betsy's room

is over here, darling.

Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Sugar. I don't believe we've met.

I'm Jordan Leigh-Jensen. Hi.

Oh, we're unknown visitors here.

My older sister's Christine Ramsay.

Mine's Betsy Newhouse.

Yes, there is a family resemblance.

Well, your sister's

room is right in here.

Bubba!

But my sister!

Your sister's at the library.

She'll be back any minute.

Bubba, what are you doing here?

But my sister.

Make yourself at home.

Can I get you anything?

No. Really, I don't wanna be any bother.

Oh, don't be silly. You're no bother.

Excuse me.

Miss! Miss! Miss!

You know, I'm so overheated.

These workouts really do me in.

Mmm.

Ah!

Want some?

Mmm!

Well, I am feeling a little warm myself.

Oh, I'll take care of that.

You know, you seem like the kind of

girl that's had some experience with men.

Tell me, can you see any reason

why men wouldn't like my legs?

Well, what's wrong with me,

then? Why don't men go for me?

Feel my calf.

Go ahead, feel it. Go ahead, feel it.

Well, what do you think?

Tight as a drum, right?

No cellulite in the upper thighs, right?

None that I can see. No.

What is it, then?

Why am I so unattractive to men?

I know! My breasts!

Would you call these breasts firm?

Or do you think they're saggy?

Firm. Definitely firm.

Are you sure? Are you really sure?

Why don't you feel them?

Is something wrong?

Wrong? Oh, no.

It's just that it's so hot in here.

Yeah, we have that problem

with the heat all the time.

Let me see if I can make

it a little cooler for you.

George Washington.

So, what are we talking about?

Good.

Excuse me. I... I don't

suppose that you...

I didn't think so.

I'm just not in the

mood right now, Bubba.

Not in the mood? You're not in the mood?

I risked my life sneaking in to

see you and you're not in the mood?

Okay, okay. But just remember,

I like a lot of foreplay.

Great.

Great.

Go ahead and start without me.

Where you going?

Where am I going?

I'm going to the bathroom,

of course, to have a smoke.

In Europe, they smoke

before instead of after.

It's the latest thing.

Oh, I got a cramp. Help! Help!

Help, help!

Be a doll, will you? Grab

that bottle of love oil.

Bubba?

You sleazebag!

Oh, hi there, Betsy. I was just...

Yeah, I know that you

were just, you pervert!

Oh, that feels so much better.

There's just one spot

that's still a little tight.

Here?

Down just a little.

Here?

Lower.

Here?

Lower.

Here?

That's perfect.

Let me turn over now so

you can do the other side.

No! Jordan, I don't think I can do that!

Oh, how thoughtless of me!

Your hands must be tired.

I know, I'll massage you.

No, no, Jordan!

Yes? Please! I have

to tell you something.

Yes? I'm not really a girl.

Jordan! Jordan, please, don't scream!

I never meant for this to

happen! Jim? Is that you?

How could you deceive me?

He snuck into my room

and took advantage of me!

You tricked me into taking my clothes

off just so you could see me naked!

Chris.

What's going on? I don't know.

I wonder what he was doing in there.

What happened?

It was unbelievable.

Yeah, yeah, tell me, tell me.

Come on. He must be an 11, right?

Two 11s, unbelievable.

Miss Douchebag, get rid of it.

Oh, good evening, girls.

Good evening, ma'am.

Oh, there's nothing as fine

as a sauna before bedtime.

Oh, God.

So good for the respiratory

system, don't you find?

Yes. Oh, yes.

Highly good for the lungs.

If I don't get out of here soon,

I'm gonna end up the size of a prune.

Coach! I'm okay.

Listen to me... Perfectly okay.

Let me help you.

I got enough help from you this

afternoon to last me a lifetime.

Coach!

Let me take you to my room,

all right? You can sleep it off.

Okay, here we are.

Is this my room?

Yep, come on.

Oh, miss? Miss!

Excuse me. Pardon me.

Betsy?

Betsy, I'm sorry. I was an

animal. Do you forgive me or what?

Oh, I get it, the old

silent treatment, huh?

Well, let me see how we can fix that.

Hey Jim, where's the old pizzazz?

The old pizzazz? Where's

the old pizzazz? Oh, yeah.

Come on, you've got

the hottest girl here

chasing after you and you're depressed?

Why don't you just forget dumb

old Chris and give Jordan a chance?

I don't ever wanna hear you say

anything bad about Chris again!

Okay, okay.

What's wrong with him?

I don't know. Something about Chris.

Why, Jim, I didn't expect to see

you here today. How you doing, son?

Not too good, actually, Mr. Ramsay.

It's Chris. We had a misunderstanding.

It's all my fault, but Chris

won't even talk to me now.

Well, Chris has a mind

of her own, you know that.

But I'll put in a good

word for you, if you like.

Thanks a lot, Mr. Ramsay.

Thank you very much.

Good morning, we're delighted to

welcome you to Parents Day at Cherryvale.

Refreshments are now

being served at the pool,

and a full schedule of activities

has been planned for your enjoyment.

Here you go, Daddy.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Give me another one of these,

would you? Are you sure?

Okay.

Oh, I don't have to tell you, Coach

Whelan, how vital today's Parents Day is

to the economic future of Cherryvale.

Yes, Miss Dutchbok. That's right.

Oh, which reminds me, dear, excuse me.

Jordan. Jordan, dear.

Yes, Miss Dutchbok?

I'm so eager to meet your father,

but it is getting rather late, dear.

Late? Miss Dutchbok, my

father is always late.

My father likes to be late

so he can make an entrance.

Ah, well, if he doesn't arrive soon,

I'll just run up to the parking area

to make sure he hasn't lost his way.

Whatever you say.

You look so nice, dear.

She's not gonna like me. I know it.

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