Problem Child 2 Page #4

Well, well, well, what have we got here?

You girls selling your daddy's old clothes?

Look at this!

A silk shirt for a dime.

And a suit for a quarter?

I had one like this. I paid two grand for it.

Wait a minute. Wait a...

Nippy.

What the hell are you doing here?

They're selling you for a nickel?

You little crooks. Where'd you get this stuff?

We have wholesalers.

The hell you do. This is all mine.

No, it's not. Junior sold us

the whole package for ten dollars.

He did, did he? Well, we'll see about that.

Finally I get some room in here.

You little psycho.

This time you've gone too far.

- Shut your trap!

- You're an evil boy.

You've gotta learn to respect your elders.

If your old man won't teach you

some manners, by God, I will.

Oh, yeah? We'll see about that.

My ass!

Hey, buddy, you ready to go?

Sure, but where?

It's a surprise. I got a fun day planned.

All right, let's go!

Junior, have you seen your grandfather lately?

Last time I saw him, he was going out.

Ben!

Little Ben!

Help, Little Ben! Help me!

Whoa...

Benjamin Healy.

Time to meet your future.

Help me!

- Help me!

- What is that man doing?

I'm Big Ben Healy. I live here.

You live in that tree?

- Maybe he's Ben Healy's father.

- Shut up. I knew that.

Now move it. Get him down from there.

Hooray!

- All right!

- Hey, Junior, this is for you.

- Thanks, Dad!

- You're welcome.

This is great. First it's a water park,

then a ball game, and now it's a carnival.

I just realised you and I haven't been

spending enough time together.

Dad, I'm glad it's just you and me.

Wow! Look at that cool ride!

- Can I go on it?

- Sure, that's why we're here.

This ride is overl

Whoa, slow down, dude.

You can't go on this ride.

- Why not?

- You gotta be as tall as the tentacle.

But it's only a millimetre.

Get outta here, you're holding up my line.

Thanks a lot.

I'm sorry, Junior. Maybe next year.

Look. You wanna go on the Munchkin Ride?

No Munchkin Ride. OK.

A candy apple?

Would you like a candy apple?

I'll be right back.

The little baby couldn't get on the ride?

What's the matter? They afraid

you'd go pee-pee in your diapers?

Hey, you little creep!

Hey, shrimp.

It must be tough being a little shrimpo.

Ticket.

So, are you ready for fun?

Yeah!

You better hang on tight,

because you're about to experience

the Crazy Dancel

This is pansy speed!

Come on, pump it up, pump it up!

Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah... Yeah!

I'm gonna puke!

I'm gonna barf!

Please, no.

Why do you do these things to me?

I thought we moved here to start over.

People told me you were a problem child.

I said they were wrong, I said

you just needed a chance to succeed.

We don't have a normal life, especially me.

I can't go out on a date

without something terrible happening.

Maybe you shouldn't go out.

Junior, just because I interact

with another human being

doesn't mean that I love you any less.

Can't you see that?

- Well, I suppose.

- All right, that's a start.

We can build on that.

I'll make you a deal.

I promise you that

I'll always be there for you.

But you've gotta promise

to be good from now on.

- OK, I promise.

- That's a little too fast. Think about it.

It's not just an empty promise.

This is a pact between you and me

to regain some of the trust

we used to have, OK?

So what do you say? Are you gonna improve

so I can be right when I brag to my friends

and tell them I got

the greatest kid that ever was?

Sure.

I'll be better.

Thataboy.

What happened to our house?

Surprise!

- Dad, what have you done?

- Nothing.

The credit for this miracle

goes to one special lady.

Ta-raa...

- I don't understand.

- Is she a maid?

Yeah, made to order.

Benjamin, it's such a pleasure

to have new blood moving into our town.

On behalf of everyone at Dumore Bank,

Dumore Pharmaceuticals

and Dumore Strip Mining,

I just want to extend to you

this little ol' welcome.

I'm LaWanda Dumore.

You did all this because

I opened up a checking account?

You're a very special customer.

Oops!

- Oh, Junior...!

- That's all right, it's only dirt.

I'll have that up in a jiffy.

I'm sorry. Junior can be a little clumsy at times.

That's all right.

Without compassion and understanding,

what kind of world would we be living in?

Right, sweetie?

Just try to pull one stunt

and I'll cut you off at the knees

and bury you alive.

- She's an incredible woman.

- You haven't heard the best part.

She's worth $50 million.

I am so sorry,

I just completely lost track of the time.

I gotta run.

I got a meeting with some cockamamie

shareholder grievance committee.

But we should get together

for dinner real soon.

I could cook us up something special.

Well, sure. That would be nice, Miss Dumore.

Oh, no. LaWanda.

LaWanda.

Bye-bye!

Five oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, ooh!

50 million!

LaWanda, it smells great in there.

Sure you don't need any help?

No, Benjamin.

You just stay down here and relax.

I'm taking care of everything.

OK.

I know I promised Dad

I wouldn't hurt LaWanda,

but I never said the dog couldn't.

You're falling into a trance.

Your eyes are getting heavy.

You can't move a muscle.

When you wake up,

you'll be thinking of one thing.

Destroy LaWanda.

She is your enemy.

She is like a cat, but uglier.

You want to bite her butt off

and scare her away,

so she'll never come back.

When I clap my hands,

you'll come out of the trance

and do whatever I say.

One,

two,

three.

One, two,

three.

Nippy?

Nippy? Hey, Nip, come on.

- Uh-oh! Nippy.

- Nippy!

Nippy, where are you?

- What have you been up to?

- None of your business.

- You're not my mother.

- You are a mean little boy.

Go up to your room and change your clothes.

I will not have an unkempt boy at my table.

Your table?

Get!

Clowns!

I hate clowns!

This woman is bustin' my balls!

Hey, guys,

what are you doing for dinner tonight?

I would like to make a toast to a terrific lady

who has made us feel so welcome

in our new town,

who's fixed up our house,

and cooked us this incredible feast.

- Hear, hear.

- To LaWanda.

- To LaWanda.

- To LaWanda.

That is so sweet.

I hope y'all enjoy this.

I had my staff compile their favourite recipes.

Well, I for one am famished, so let's eat.

What in the hell is in this salad?

It's blue cheese.

Oh, my God.

All right, come on! Get LaWanda!

This salad is infested!

Get it! Get it!

This is a plague!

LaWanda, I'm coming.

Junior, you failed me.

But, Dad, I swear, she hates me.

- We had a deal and you let me down.

- She's different from all the others.

LaWanda is bad.

Junior, you think all women are bad.

That woman has nothing but good intentions.

She made us dinner

and this is how you pay her back?

I am really disappointed in you.

I don't think I'll ever be able to trust you again.

Benjamin, I hope

you weren't too harsh on him.

- I think I've failed as a father.

- Oh, no, not at all.

There's only so much you can handle.

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