Prozac Nation Page #4

Yes, I heard.

You know, the only reason I threw a

birthday party was to make you happy.

I don't understand how you can

treat me like this.

Can I have some privacy, please?

That was my mother.

It's my birthday.

She's throwing this big party for me.

Cool.

Well, no, actually, it's not.

It's just me and my mother

and my grandparents.

I haven't even been out there yet.

Aren't they missing you?

Well, now you sound like

a nice Jewish boy.

Well, I might, if I was Jewish.

I just wanted to call and say hi.

Let's meet up when

you get back to school.

Okay, that'd be great.

Hey, happy birthday.

Thank you.

Rafe didn't seem to realize...

...he'd just been appointed

to save my life.

Rolling Stone magazine.

It's the music magazine.

That's wonderful, honey.

They want her to work for them. Yeah.

Paid work for Rolling Stone.

They'll pay her?

I think she was up writing

late last night.

Were you up writing late last night?

I haven't written anything in months.

She's always working on something.

She just doesn't like to talk about it.

Like you've ever read any of it.

Lizzie, this isn't very nice.

You want one?

What's wrong with her?

Nothing. Ma, nothing's wrong with her.

- She's drunk.

- Of course I'm drunk.

- She's just tired.

- She's as skinny as a ghost.

She's overtired.

They work so hard up there.

- Lizzie.

- Is she on drugs?

- I wish I was on drugs.

- Lizzie.

- Did she say that she...?

- No, Ma.

It's okay. Everything is okay.

Mom, believe me,

if I was on drugs, I'd tell you.

People don't behave this way

if they're not on drugs.

I f***ing do.

I'm so sorry, Mama.

I dream about all the things

I wish I'd said.

The opposite of what

came out of my mouth.

I wish I'd said,

"Mom, please forgive me.

Please help me.

I know I have no right

to behave this way. "

- Hello.

- Hey.

- Hi.

- How' my birthday girl?

You're late. You're a day late.

What can I say, you know how it is.

Anyway, I thought I'd have to be

dealing with your secretary by now.

You're such a bigshot journalist,

writing for Rolling Stone.

- Did you read it?

- You know...

...remember this,

they're lucky to have you.

These guys, they're smart.

They're really smart.

They know what they're doing.

They can see talent.

I'm probably gonna get assignments

all over the country...

...so I could maybe come visit you.

Who are you talking to, Lizzie?

- It's no one.

- Who is it?

- It's no one.

- Don't listen to her.

Please, Mom.

Look at you, the two of you.

- Go on, you're so in love with him.

- Mom.

Can you hear that?

Hear why I don't call?

Where was he your childhood?

- Where...?

- Stop it! Just stop it!

I just wanted to talk to him!

You know, Lizzie,

I'm at the end of my rope.

I've been working extra hours.

I never go out.

I never buy clothes.

I spend all our money on your therapy.

All our money? Daddy pays, Mom.

You think he pays?

You think he's paying?

He doesn't pay one cent.

Not one single red cent!

That's not true.

Oh, you want me to show you?

Huh? You wanna see?

You want to see how much I'm paying,

still paying...

...on your last term bill? Huh?

Here. Here, look at these.

Look at these.

- There, look at that, Lizzie.

- I'm sorry, Mom.

You wanna see how much

I'm paying this Dr. Sterling?

I'm sorry.

No, you're not gonna

talk your way out of this.

Ask her who pays her!

You know, it's my fault,

for spoiling you the way I did.

I kill myself to get you to Harvard, and

you come back looking like a zombie.

I know. I'm sorry.

I'm so...

Why won't he?

- Why won't he?

- I know. I know, honey. I know.

I hate myself,

and I hate the things I do.

Lizzie, it's all right. It's all right.

It's awful. It's so awful.

And I hurt the people who love me.

But when he calls...

My God, a party?

And your stupid pear tart!

Why do you do this, Lizzie?

Because I'm not

your goddamn monkey!

I'm sorry, Mom, I didn't mean it.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean it.

I'm sorry.

She threw the party for herself?

No, I guess for Grandma.

Why would she want to do that?

To show her what

a good little girl she was.

That must really hurt.

Look at her.

This isn't a breakthrough, darling.

My mom pays $ 100 an hour for this.

This is the same bullshit. Insight time.

It's like that stuff with that guy Rafe.

I don't have to be Freud to know

I have a fear of rejection.

And I know where it comes from.

I know it's from my dad.

But it doesn't change anything.

- I still can't go out with him.

- Why not?

I just told you.

You didn't tell me

anything about Rafe.

Has he ever given you reason

to believe he'd reject you?

Do not show him how crazy you are.

- A monkey?

- Called Percy.

I know, it beats me.

- She needed someone to talk to.

- Well, she had you.

No, no, this was before.

- Are you listening?

- God, yes.

I'm not boring you?

Please, Lizzie.

I met you in a men's room.

- You're anything but boring.

- What am I?

Scary.

So are we gonna go to this gig?

I'm not sure.

I don't really know where it is.

You came to see a gig,

and you don't know where it is?

I said I came to see the gig...

You know.

- What?

- Okay, now you're just being cruel.

No, no, you said...

I said I came to see the gig...

...but I came to see you.

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

Waiting for him to make the move.

Doesn't he know?

He' gotta be my salvation.

It' lovely that he' caring...

...compassionate

and politically correct.

But I need him to kiss me.

Right now.

Ruby!

Ruby.

Hey.

Hey.

I didn't know you'd moved rooms.

I thought you were still in here.

Ruby was telling me about

those articles you're planning to write.

That stuff's always

been easy for me.

Dr. Sterling must have called him.

Why else would he be here?

Probably to see how dire

the situation is.

See if his little girl can

get through the day still.

Or...

...maybe he really did finally miss me.

My girl.

Dad, you know those medical bills?

The ones for the psychiatric

treatment?

They keep sending them to Mom.

So I guess you haven't paid.

- I can't believe you're asking me this.

- Oh, you have paid?

You're all cold and distant.

And... And...

And now you're asking me what?

What are you talking about?

- If you don't know...

- No. No, I don't know.

- You made a promise.

- You haven't written me.

You never call me.

It's like I don't even exist.

- Who do you think you're talking to?

- I even come and visit you.

- F*** you!

- You watch that language!

- Is that a way to talk to your father?

- Listen.

You're the one who left. You're the one

who walked away for four years.

You think I don't know that?

Is that what you think?

You think I don't feel it?

Do you that think it's easy for me,

away from you?

I hate it.

The effect it had on you.

Your mother and myself.

I hated watching you get trapped

right in the middle.

- In between the two of us.

- Dad, please.

Please!

- You're my father.

- Right.

And you won't even pay

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