Prozac Nation Page #6

This carries on much longer,

I don't know what we're gonna do.

What is it?

You get off on this.

What?

This does it for you.

- What are you talking about?

- You hid her from me.

Don't you think there's a reason?

Don't you think

that tells me something?

Oh, Christ.

You're some kind of creepy voyeur.

- You like other people's misery.

- You're sick.

You're really... You're really sick.

Tell me it's not true.

Rafe, please.

I'll get the car.

Mom? How have you been?

How do you think I've been?

Christ, Lizzie, don't you ever think?

I'm sorry. I just...

I had to get to the airport right away.

I would have told you.

We've been having some problems.

It' just been really hard,

but we're patching things up.

Yeah, he loves me. I know he does.

It just...

He's just got

all this weird family stuff.

He' trying to help them and me.

And he' gotta help himself first.

And when he does,

everything' gonna be okay.

- I'm sure.

- I mean, I know we'll be fine.

I know that. I mean, do you think?

I'm no real help to you there, Lizzie.

I know. I know.

Mama, I'm sorry you had to move.

I know, sweetheart.

- I'm gonna go now, okay?

- Mom?

You call me...

Mom?

...when you've...

...seen Dr. Sterling.

Mom?

- Bye, honey.

- Mom!

I should've listened to him.

He told me not to come here.

I'm more trouble than I'm worth.

Well, what about your reading?

No, no.

Honey, you gotta get some work done.

Lizzie, this isn't working.

I know, I know, I know.

As soon as I get back,

I'll write your exam schedule.

There's no need, okay?

There's no need...

Well, then, I'll call you.

No, no calls! No calls, okay?

Look, this is not working, all right?

This is not my life.

I don't want this anymore.

What do you want?

Oh, you just woke up...

...and decided you wanted

to f*** freshmen girls...

...and do lots of drugs?

Is that what you want?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's exactly what I want.

I want to party.

I wanna have some fun.

You're the one who told me

to trust somebody.

Look what happened!

- You trusting Rafe has nothing...

- No!

All I want is for Rafe to come back...

...and you're talking about pills?

Because things are more difficult

for you now...

...I think you could use help.

- You said I was making progress.

Sometimes things

are more painful before...

You said this

would amount to something.

All this f***ing pain!

And I am still saying that.

I can't believe you're pushing drugs

after all of this.

I'm recommending that you try

this medication...

...so you can gain some perspective

and not spin out of control.

Lizzie, isn't that what you want?

It takes two to six weeks

before your system swerves.

I know you don't.

But I can see it working okay.

Your mother' been calling.

She wants to come and see you.

Engine' beginning throttling

down now...

...at 94 percent.

Normal throttle for most of the flight,

Three engines are running normally.

Three good fuel cells.

Three good APUs.

Velocity, 2257 feet per second.

Hey, what the hell are you doing?

- Nothing.

- Trying to steal my purse.

- Challenger, go at throttle up.

- Roger, go at throttle up.

The space shuttle Challenger

exploded in a ball of fire...

...after it left the launching pad.

- the fragments from the...

Officials are saying there is

no evidence...

...to indicate that the astronauts

survived.

President Reagan...

- Challenger honored us with

the manner in which they lived.

Material from the scattered craft

is reported to be...

The worst accident in the history

of American space program...

- was a sign that something

had gone terribly wrong.

Ruby?

- Ruby?

- Jesus.

Hold on. Hold on, all right?

Ruby, come on, this is serious.

- What?

- My mother's been mugged.

I have to go to New York.

You've gotta come with me.

No.

Ruby, come on.

I'm asking for your help.

Lizzie, I'm done helping.

You're done? How can you...?

I can't.

I've had it.

All right?

I can't do it anymore.

This has gotta end.

Next week is just gonna be

some other crisis.

One for the road.

She refused the intravenous Demerol.

She refuses painkilling drugs?

Can we possibly be related?

Looks like she's gonna be here

for a few days, but she'll be just fine.

She'll need some help

when she gets back home.

But everything will be okay.

It' scary.

For the first time,

I'm being deprived of my tears.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I mean, let' face it.

Me being here to help

is like a cruel joke.

Not even heights

freak me out anymore.

You look a lot better.

That's what everybody says.

You know, Lizzie...

...I'm fine.

And there's no reason why you

can't go back up to Cambridge.

Mom, I've spoken with the nurses,

and they say that you need...

Honey, you've got exams

coming up.

You have to have somebody with you,

even if it's just a few days.

I can take care of myself.

I always have.

You're not going home alone.

It's the other cupboard.

I don't know.

Grandma.

I don't know what I would have

done without Lizzie here.

- None of this would've happened...

- Ma, don't say that.

...if it hadn't been for her.

They're gone.

Yeah.

I didn't really feel like

saying goodbye.

After all this time,

I never asked you about Rafe.

That's over.

He...

He never wants to see me again.

You know, when Donald left me...

...it seemed so incredible.

I just couldn't believe it.

I think I just forgot about you, Lizzie.

You know?

You were just a child.

So little.

But you needed me.

And that forced me

to pay attention again.

You know what I mean?

I had to take care of you.

And in a way,

you brought me back to life...

...and you became everything

for me.

I was so wrapped up in you.

But God, you were so full

of promise, Lizzie.

And I wanted so much

for you in your life.

And I couldn't see

that it wasn't good for you.

You just...

I know you wanted me...

...to be everything, and I can't be.

I can't be.

Look, Lizzie.

You don't have

to be anything for me.

You don't have to be well for me.

You understand?

You don't have to pretend.

I'll be okay, Mom.

I'll be okay.

I promise.

I'll be okay.

And there' a reason.

I call this the crack house,

where I come to score.

Dr. Sterling is my dealer.

It seems like everyone' doctor

is dealing this stuff now.

Sometimes it feels like we're

all living in a Prozac nation.

The United States of Depression.

I don't know who I am anymore.

I have this personality.

And it's f***ed up, but it's me.

And I see myself becoming this

person who does the right thing...

...who says the right thing...

...but that's not me.

- You feel different, don't you?

- Of course I feel different.

I'm on medication.

That's the point, isn't it?

Yeah, that was the point.

You're just not comfortable

with who this new person is yet.

But I can't be this person

without taking pills.

The pills are giving you

breathing space.

This feels like everything's

just being covered up.

I recommend you stay on the

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