Psych: The Movie Page #3

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He'd narrowed it down

to a signal

that was pinged off of a tower

near Highway 18.

He was gonna check it out.

Next thing I know,

Sam's been killed.

- He's still breathing.

- Respirator.

Yes, sorry.

That's on me.

Guys, you know I still

have my issues.

I crumble like pie crust

in the field.

I saw you coming in here

and I thought

maybe, hopefully, you could

check it out, since I can't.

- No chance in hell.

- Absolutely.

- Great. You guys are the best.

Go.

- What did I just say, Shawn?

I don't know, something about

waxing Leeza Gibbons.

Shawn, we've been walking

for an hour.

There's nothing around

for miles.

Aha. What do you suppose

the range is

on that cell phone tower?

There's nothing here

but woods, pollen,

and fruit bats.

Ah, ah, ah, oh!

What's this?

Sunnyvale Mental Hospital.

Uh, no. I'm not going to

another insane asylum, Shawn.

The sun is starting

to go down,

and all the good telescopes

are gonna be gone.

Dues are gonna be

doing eye-sneezes

all over the equipment.

- Man! All we have to do

is go to the front desk

and ask if there's a patient

with cell phone access.

That's it!

Then we're off to Mt. McCumber

where you can suck it.

- You suck it.

Suck it,

suck it, suck it

Come on, son

- The hell is an eye-sneeze?

Don't act like

you don't know.

Come on, son

- This is not the road, Shawn.

- Well, it has to be the road,

because there are

no other roads.

What?

- Dude.

It says this place has been

closed for two years.

- That's weird.

- Shawn,

we need to get out of here.

Gus, don't be

the tender sweetness

of a seasick

crocodile.

We need...

to go in.

What is that?

I know you hear that.

What is that?

Oh, my God.

Are you playing Pokmon Go?

You know this is how

I manage my stress.

I'm trying to hatch

a ten-kilometer egg

and I'm pretty sure there might

be a Jigglypuff in there.

- Stop it.

- You stop it.

You stop it right now.

This is...

Gus, somebody tapped

into the power lines.

This used to be

the high-security ward.

That's why they built it

originally as a submarine.

It was never a submarine,

Shawn.

- You don't know submarines.

I know you don't know.

I know that.

Bad idea, Shawn.

- What do we think?

I say we slowly

start walking backwards

so we never take our eyes

off of whatever poltergeist

is making that glowing

over there,

and then, we'll be

out of the demon's reach.

We wind-sprint

back to the car.

I'll leave first because

my heart is the purest.

- It's definitely the blackest.

My heart is not the...

Dude, that sound

is not human.

- Agree to agree.

Shawn, I don't care what

that light is over there.

There's no way we're gonna get

past that snapping...

Gus, whatever got Sam attacked

is right around that corner.

And it's so serious that

the bad guys have a guard dog

on a pogo stick

holding down the fort.

I need you to put on

your thinking helmet.

- Man!

- I'll wait.

- Chin strap.

- You hear that?

- I don't hear anything, Shawn.

- Exactly.

The pooch is gone.

And there's no sign

of another human being.

The coast is clear.

Damn it, Gus, is there

no end to this?

Gus, wait a minute.

That dog is a rescue.

- I don't care!

It means the bad guys

who adopted him

trained him to be all ugly.

- I still don't care, Shawn.

- It means I can turn him.

- Into what?

Rescue dogs don't

have ugly hearts.

Shawn, there is no way

that dog doesn't eat your face.

Guys, don't be the C above

middle C

in "Those Endearing

Young Charms."

I have seen three

and a half episodes

of "The Dog Whisperer."

So?

What are you doing?

- I'm doing what he does.

- Why would he do that?

- Because it works.

- Will you stop it?

You should take off

your helmet.

I'm pretty sure it's broken.

- I got this.

Hi.

Hi, buddy.

Who's a good boy?

Who's a sweet boy?

Sit, sit.

Gus, Gus!

I'm going to lose.

What the hell is that?

Cherry Chipotle

Turkey Jerky.

You've had that

the whole time?!

You know I'm

a nervous eater, Shawn.

Well, give it to me,

for the love of God!

What? You do realize this

stuff costs $19 an ounce?

- I will pay you back!

- Come on, son.

Try not to give him

the whole thing

if you don't have to, Shawn.

- Look. Look what I have.

It's all for you, Damien.

- No.

Shawn! It's not all for him!

Aw, man.

- Gus, he likes it!

He likes it.

Come here.

Oh, come here. Oh.

Who has a heart full of love?

Did you like that jerky?

Oh, look, yeah.

Look at this, Gus.

Get in here.

Sweet little man.

Thought he was getting adopted

by a family with a house

and a big backyard,

and he ends up here

in some haunted, abandoned

mental asylum.

And the next thing you know,

he's eating $56 worth

of organic jerky.

He doesn't deserve

a life like this.

I feel the same way

sometimes, Shawn.

This is a bad idea, Shawn.

What the hell?

- Gus, whoever did this,

they have access

to the entirety

of the San Francisco

Police Department.

Dude, Sam put his name

on his dongle.

First time that hasn't

been funny to me.

- Eh...

- You're right.

It's not not-funny.

- This is not good, Shawn.

This is all of Juliet's

personal information.

Surveillance photos...

they're spying on her.

- You think she might be next?

This document is called

"The Crimes of Juliet O'Hara."

- Oh, my God.

- I know.

That's a killer title

for a Hallmark movie.

- Gus, don't be ridiculous.

Jules would never do

a Hallmark movie.

"There's a demon

amongst you"?

"She must be judged."

What?

This manifesto basically

paints her

as Harvey Keitel

from "Cop Land."

He had an above-ground pool,

Shawn.

Exactly.

None of this is true.

- Anyone expecting a visitor?

Perimeter check, now.

Now!

When I say things,

I want you to do them.

That's why I'm the boss,

and you're my henchpeople.

Gus, I got to go back inside.

- What?

- I forgot something.

I'm not going back

alone, Shawn!

- I'll meet you at the car.

- What?!

Shawn!

- Just stick to the road.

Keep clear of the moors!

Beware of the moon, Gus!

Start the car!

Start the car!

Start the car! Start the car!

Oh, my God,

what are you doing, Shawn?

I'm naming him Morrissey.

First name Steven.

I'm not leaving with

that thing, Shawn.

- Fine. I'll drive.

- Wh...argh!

I got it! I got it!

Don't touch that wheel!

Don't touch your wheel!

It's too late.

I already touched mine.

Ow!

- I know what I'm doing.

Let me...

- Watch out.

- Hold the dog back, Shawn!

You have a dog in the car.

Look, hands off.

Look what's happening now.

I got it.

I know what to do, Shawn.

I know what to do.

I got it, Shawn. I got it.

Are you familiar

with Einstein's

definition of insanity?

The dog is blocking

my mirror, Shawn.

Blocking...why are you

using a mirror?

It's pitch black out here.

- Your mama's pitch black.

We both wish

that were true.

I don't know what

I mean by that.

Here we go, here we go.

I got it, Shawn.

Bang it out, bang it out.

Come on, Gus,

just bang it out.

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