Psych: The Movie Page #4

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Bang it out, bang it out,

bang it out, bang it out.

Bang it out, bang it out,

bang it out.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

You should have it on this one.

Okay, one more.

- Come on, come on.

I can see it, the light

at the end of the tunnel!

- Death to the world!

I'm glad you could find

a few moments to rest.

Did you find anything?

I detected the scent

of black cherry,

with a slight hint of chipotle.

- We've been compromised.

So I'm gonna have to speed

things up a little.

And Christmas, my friends,

is about to come a bit early.

- No, no, no, Chief!

Don't shoot him!

Don't shoot him!

He's a gift! He's a gift

for you and the family!

- Aww, Mr. Spencer?

What are you doing

at my house

with an attack dog in

the middle of the night?

First of all, it's,

like, 9:
00.

What time do you go

to bed, Chief?

More importantly,

we found Sam Sloane's

assailant.

He is at Sunnyvale

Psychiatric Hospital.

We saw him, or at least

his shadow,

and a couple other

scary shadows.

It was terrifying.

- Well, did he see you?

Of course not. I'm like

a wraith in a London fog.

What about when you went

back and stole his dog?

- You stole this dog?

- No. We liberated it.

We liberated Morrissey,

didn't we? Yes, we did.

And now he's yours.

Merry Christmas.

Do you have, like,

a crate or something,

just until he gets over

this whole

attacking strangers thing?

- Why didn't that work for me?

'Cause you're

a dumbass, Shawn.

- Did you call O'Hara?

- Of course.

I've been calling her

and texting her.

She's not responding

to anything.

Why do you think we're here?

You said to gift me

an attack dog.

- Sure, but that's ancillary.

Are you coming with us or not?

- Yes, of course.

Great. Now, would you

watch a movie of the week

called "The Crimes

of Juliet O'Hara"?

- It's right up here, Chief.

Right through this...

Spanish Prisoner'd again.

Chief, I swear.

You gotta believe us.

There was a whole bank

of monitors here,

and they all had access

to your department's files.

Dude, they're back.

Let's get out of here.

- Get out of here?

- Yes.

Mr. Guster, this is

my first field action

in two years.

Do you have any idea what

the chief of police does?

Yeah, they cut

ribbons and stuff.

- Exactly.

It's awful.

So, if you'll excuse me,

I am going to go

shoot some bad guys.

Come on.

Dude, what is the five-second

rule on...

- Don't. Just don't.

Freeze!

- O'Hara?

- Chief?

- What are you doing here?

I came here to help

Shawn and Gus.

Jules, we didn't

report this.

No, but you ran over

45 traffic cones,

tripped four

silent gate alarms,

and knocked over

a Cal-Trans trailer

while you were

speeding away.

He was driving.

Okay, they believe that

Inspector Sloane

was attacked

because of you,

and that they found

some rambling manifesto

called "The Juliet

O'Hara Crimes."

"The Crimes

of Juliet O'Hara."

It sounds like an NBC show

the way you say it.

- Where is this manifesto?

- It's gone.

- Jules,

I've been texting you

and calling you.

Where have you been?

I asked you guys not

to meddle in this case.

Please, just go home.

You know what? No.

I am done being nice.

Go home!

Please. No. No please.

No please!

You know what?

Just get out of here.

Go to your...

planetarium party.

- Fine with me.

There's a telescope with

my right eye's name on it.

- Yeah, fine.

Just be careful, huh?

Sweetheart.

Your right eye has a name?

- D'Ontario.

- What's the left eye?

- Lisa Lopes.

- Walked right into that.

- You need to tighten it up.

Okay, what are the chances

that any of these dudes

know how a baby is made?

Hate all you want, Shawn.

But those who look

to the stars

are destined to find...

Oh, my gosh.

- Whoa.

Okay, once and for all,

please explain the thumb

to nostril thing to me.

- It's my battle cry, Shawn.

I'm gonna go over there

and make that woman mine.

It gives me the split second

I need to plan my approach.

- Sure.

- Wait... what is happening?

- I don't know.

It would appear that

she's coming this way.

Well, that's not right.

Do you know her?

- Why would I know a woman

in a "Nine Planet Solar System"

T-shirt?

Well, I don't know her,

Shawn,

and she's ruining my approach.

I am the hunter. Me.

Cheetahs don't wait

for gazelles

to hop into their mouth.

Dude, I think you

might be the gazelle.

- He-dee-ho.

- Hello.

- My name is Burton Guster,

and this is my partner,

White Privilege.

- Eh, that's my bit.

- I'm Selene.

It means "moon."

Is that business card for me?

You know it is.

Cell number's on the back.

In pencil.

- Wanna look?

- I was hoping you'd never ask.

Well, that didn't

come out right.

- Chief, I'm a good cop.

- You're the best cop I have.

I may have an idea

who did this,

but I am the only one

who can fix it.

I need to go it alone.

- The answer to that is no.

I wish I could be more

forthcoming with you,

but Chief, I need you

to trust me.

Please.

- You have 24 hours.

If Sam wakes up,

I'll only need 12.

I'm going to the hospital.

That's where it would be,

planet number nine.

Obviously, if this telescope

were powerful enough.

I hate to correct you,

but Pluto's way over there.

Why would I be

pointing it at Pluto?

'Cause you're showing me

the ninth planet.

- Yes. I'm showing you Eris.

- Eris?

The dwarf planet?

Eris is stupid.

Pluto is, has been, and will

always be the ninth planet.

Why would we make

Pluto a planet again?

We've already rectified

that mistake.

- "Mistake"?

Hasn't Pluto been through

enough already?

- Ohh...

- Eris is bigger.

- By 15 miles.

By your logic, why don't we

make everything a planet?

Why don't we make

that Nativity Jesus a planet?

Why don't we make

your forehead a planet?

- What?

Merry Christmas,

merry Christmas

But I think I'll miss

this one this year

But I think I'll miss

this one this year

Merry Christmas,

merry Christmas

Did I read that

situation incorrectly?

- Come on, son.

We're leaving? Are you crazy?

That's probably your best

chance ever at finding a wife!

- Wheelchair to Admitting.

We need a wheelchair at

Admitting please.

We need to clear

this area now, go.

- I'm so sorry about the delay.

The forensic report

was right here,

and somehow, my new assistant

managed to lose it already.

Found it!

Oh, false alarm.

This is actually the new issue

of "Men's Health."

Wow, Ryan Reynolds

is more jacked than ever.

You know, I used to be

a personal trainer.

Oh. Hi, Shawn.

- Oh, my God.

Yeah. Woody, what are

you doing here?

- What? Don't look at me.

I can explain.

Thank God Karen

and Butterfly here

have hearts the size

of Anchorage.

- I voted no.

She's so saucy.

I can't take it sometimes.

This is called an NBA hug.

- Let's call it one-and-done.

- Copy that.

Seriously, man,

what the hell happened?

You were...you were

in Sacramento.

You had season tickets

to the Kings.

Yeah, I got the gig

as head medical examiner

for the State of California.

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