Psych: The Movie Page #8

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this restoration is

coming along great.

If I'm looking

on the bright side...

it's nice to get

a sneak preview.

You're talking about

the bright side

of dying in Alcatraz.

- Lights!

Is everyone comfortable?

Enough. What have you done

with Iris, you son of a b*tch?!

- Oy, Chatty Cathy, shut it.

I've got a slew of events

planned for tonight,

and I don't want to be rushed.

So! Now that I have delivered

tonight's guest of honor

and, as luck would have it,

all of her stupid-faced

friends,

my job here is done.

- Thank God.

- I literally heard that.

You said it just loud enough

that I could hear

what you said.

Where was I?

Oh, yeah, would you like

to all meet

tonight's actual headliner?

- Headliner?

- Oh yeah, man.

She's been paying

for all of it.

Oh, my G...

- Ugh.

So what's the consensus

on the accent?

Because it's definitely

not Bowie.

- Allison Cowley!

My dream.

Allison Road.

Gin Blossoms.

I had a...I had a dream!

Mary was there.

We sang "Allison Road."

You were Prince, and Jules

was Princess Leia,

there was a pony,

the pony said st...

- Thank you, guys,

for putting up with him.

Really.

It was hard on us all.

But his petty revenge scheme

was just too fortuitous

to pass up!

And I must admit,

I was secretly hoping

you'd all show up,

family-style.

It's like four free

bowls of soup.

Questions, really?

Oh, okay.

I'm sorry, you just

shot your partner.

- Uh, not a question, Shawn,

but why split hairs?

He was only useful until now.

He wanted revenge,

but he didn't have

the tool set that I do.

We struck a deal.

He ruins Juliet's legacy,

and then I get to beat her

to death.

It's a classic win-win;

happens all the time

in the Batman movies.

- Dude. Cheese cloth.

- You're hungry now?

I would never eat cheese

in cloth form.

Painter's cheese

cloth, Shawn.

It's used in construction.

For the refurbishment.

It's usually hanging

straight down,

but it's pushed to the side

over there.

Zero attention span,

am I right?

What the hell do you want,

Cowley?

Isn't it obvious?

I want a do-over.

You ruined me.

The night you arrested me

was supposed to be

my coming-out party.

Yin to me.

A passing of the torch.

A changing of...

am I doing too many similes?

I feel like I went

one too far.

Comedy often plays

in threes.

- I'm not doing a bit.

I think Iris is

somewhere through that doorway

on the left.

Also, cheese cloth

and the word "refurbishment"

are actual things.

- Chief.

Your kid's somewhere

in the building.

There are explosives involved,

so you're facing

an uphill battle

even if you do manage

to find her.

But, as a woman,

I refuse to believe that

you're not capable

of overcoming the odds.

It's just that you're not.

But look at the bright side.

The two of you get

to blow up together.

- What'd she say?

- I can't hear a word.

- Gentlemen,

now that the four of you

have crashed my party,

you have the very

unenviable task

of getting past my colleagues.

They've been instructed

to toy with you

and give you

a false sense of confidence

and then kill you in whichever

order or way feels most fun.

- Uh...

put me down for

auto-erotic asphyxiation.

- Who is this guy?

I'm the assistant

coroner, b*tch.

- Aw, come on.

- Okay, all right.

I have to apologize

to everybody

for that whole,

uh, "b*tch" thing.

That was uncalled for.

- Strode, Strode, shut up.

She's about to kill us.

- That's no excuse, Henry.

It's a new world.

I know it. We all know it.

And...and there is no reason

that your gender should

have any bearing

on my choice of insults.

- Are you serious?

- Duly noted.

Can you shut up forever?

- Oh. Yes.

Which brings me

to Little Miss

Little-Miss-Can't-Be-Wrong.

We have unfinished business.

I didn't say go.

Did anyone hear "go"?

All right, what the hell.

Timer's set to 20.

Let's do it right this time.

Kill the lights.

Wh-who's Iris?

- Jules!

- Iris! Iris?

Jules, wait!

Maybe we should stick together.

- Iris!

- Gus, what are you doing?

What, are you leaving?

I'm getting us

to the lighthouse

to signal for help, Shawn.

- Technically that's leaving.

- I'm not commenting on plans

once I get to the lighthouse,

Shawn.

But someone's gotta

wait outside.

- Good evening, gentlemen.

I will be dismantling

the both of you

in a matter of moments.

- Shawn Spencer.

- Verb.

- Pleasure.

- Everything good?

- Gus...

he's no dandy.

- He's a black gentleman ninja.

Still no ring

on the finger, I see.

Why does everyone

keep saying that?

I'm not crazy

about overpowering

a woman in a singlet.

- She's not wearing a singlet.

- No, I am.

Under my clothes.

Oh!

You know, I've been dealing

with broads like you

my entire I...aaagh!

- Apparently my milkshake

brings old bald guys

to the yard.

- I have a ribbon.

- No, no. No, no. No!

No! No! No, no, no!

Deck the halls

with boughs of holly

No! Not the arm!

Not the arm!

Fa la la la la,

la la la la

'Tis the season

to be jolly

No, no, no, no, no, no!

Fa la la la la,

la la la la

Please!

Don we now our

gay apparel

Time out, time out,

time out, time out!

- Fa la la, la la la...

- Iris!

Iris?

Gus, I'm not even

scared anymore.

This is simply bedazzling.

- I'm transfixed.

How long is this

display going on for?

Hopefully long enough for him

to wear himself out.

Okay, that's next level.

- The man gravity forgot.

Oooh!

Iris!

- Hi.

- It's okay. It's okay.

Just sit tight, okay?

Sit tight, baby.

Okay, I'm gonna get

you out of here.

I shouldn't have

rejected Selene, Shawn.

She's almost everything

I ever wanted in a woman,

short of being

Gugu Mbatha-Raw.

I'm so stubborn about

the Pluto thing.

And you know I've got to be

the cheetah, Shawn.

The cheetah!

- Gus, you are a cheetah.

And she's basically

the female version of you.

You know that.

- I know.

I should've married Jules

three years ago.

This ring is just

another excuse for me

to avoid responsibility.

- Mm-hmm.

She deserves better

than me, Gus.

- No. No, Shawn.

She deserves the best

version of you. Hey.

I'm proud of you.

Let's do the thing

that we're best at.

- You know that's right.

- I've lost my mind

On what I'd find

All of the pressure

that I left behind

On Allison Road

Fools in the rain

If the sun gets through

Fire's in the heaven

of the eyes I knew

On Allison Road

We can't go out

like this, Ryan.

- My name is Henry.

You've known me for

nine years, Strode.

Sorry. I can't stop thinking

about Ryan Reynolds.

What can we do?

- I don't know.

She's so much fitter than us.

- Look at my thighs.

It's the last thing

I want you to see.

- On Allison Road, yeah

I didn't know

I was lost at the time

On Allison Road

- Yeah!

- That's it! Go, go!

So she fills up

her sails

With my wasted breath

- Whoo!

And each one's more

wasted than the others

You can bet,

on Allison Road

We need a key to the cell!

Let's go!

Oh, my God, I never...

I can't feel my arm.

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