Psych: The Movie Page #9

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I can't feel my leg.

How am I walking?

I can't feel my limbs!

How am I walking?

- I'll get another one.

- I killed her!

- Isn't it funny, Juliet?

I mean, we're both blondes.

We're both smart.

Business up front,

party in the back.

I could've been you,

and you could've been me.

There's really only one thing

that separates us...

You mean besides the capacity

to feel empathy?

- No. Just that.

Why, can you think

of something else?

- I can.

So, Shawn's office...

is at the end of an alley

in Chinatown.

It's called psychphrancisco,

all one word, all lowercase.

"ph" for the f.

Not the wisest marketing move.

But we are a we.

We are an us.

We are lovers in the night.

So we support each other

even when

we make questionable decisions.

This is the weirdest

stalling for time speech

I've ever heard.

It basically means

I spend my weekends

in Chinatown waiting

on rickshaws

and jade birdcages

to be delivered.

Shawn loves "Gremlins."

I mean, who doesn't?

It's my favorite

Christmas movie.

Technically, it's not

a Christmas movie,

and I feel like you're just

getting further off-topic.

- Point is,

there's this incredible

martial arts gym next door.

And I never knew

what a "kip up" was

until I took the class.

- Ugh!

- We need a key.

Dad?

- Hello, gentlemen.

How fortuitous.

Three birds, one wire.

Gus, there's a table.

- What?

- Gus, there's a table.

- That has never worked, Shawn.

- It did work once.

- Hi, baby, hi.

Chief, stop!

She said there'd be explosives.

- Okay, okay.

Okay, I need you to go back

as far as you can,

'cause we are gonna

get this.

Okay?

Let him go,

Gentleman Ninja.

- I'm afraid this is the end.

Well, I'm afraid my dad's

not gonna die tonight.

At least not by

your deftly manicured hands.

I suppose natural causes

is still on the table.

- What?

- The table.

- No.

- Yes.

- When?

- Now!

Ha, damn it!

He's so nimble!

- Uhhh!

- Freeze!

You arrogant bastard.

- Woody, Woody.

- Oh, thank God.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Okay, just...just get out

of here, Juliet, okay?

Just...please, just go.

Okay, baby, I need you

to go back as far as you can

because Mommy's

not going anywhere.

Don't pull the wire!

It's a code, it's a date!

I heard them.

It's the day Mr. Yin died

and she got arrested!

Why do you know that?

It was kind of

a big night for me.

- Mom?

- Hey.

Hi, baby.

There you are.

Let's get this off, huh?

- Ah.

Shawn, I think

I'm gonna bounce.

I got a unicycling class

that starts...

eh, screw it.

Nah, I'm going fishing.

Am I the only one

who's hungry?

- I could eat.

- Gus?

Dude, you have to block

this girl from your Instagram.

- What...

are you doing here?

- Wow, thank you.

Uh, Selene,

before we go any further,

let me just say this.

That was the best

fluffernutter sandwich

I've ever eaten

in my entire life.

And I'm completely willing

to make a go at this.

But you must let me

be the cheetah

in this relationship.

- Done.

- Cool.

That is not letting

me be the cheetah.

Mmm.

- Shawn Spencer. Psychic.

Wow. Word's really, uh,

gotten out on this thing.

You promised me that

you had these skills.

I'm here to tell you,

all those things you claimed,

those premonitions

you told me...

They came true!

How do you do it?

No, really?

- Well...

- It's unbelievable, man.

- What? You're serious?

Those things actually happened?

- Every one.

- How?

- Gus...

- How?!

- Gus.

- What?

- You know how.

It's just a new program we

have down at the Bureau.

That's the Internal

Revenue Service.

It's called "Clean Start."

You're all clear

on your taxes.

Happy holidays.

- Whoa! That was close, sir.

You must have

a guardian angel.

Can I borrow your salt?

Ugh!

Sharp pains!

Let this be a cautionary tale

to all.

You have a gift,

my friend.

That's a sweet thing

to say from you, yeah.

In return, I have

a gift for you.

- Oh, that's t...it's too much.

- He's gonna shoot us.

We should've never

the bait, dammit!

- It's o...

- You were right.

Very difficult to find.

But your three years were

not wasted looking.

You just weren't willing

to break any limbs

to get your information.

You are so lucky.

- No way.

Is that...

- Yeah.

Oh, my God.

That's totally it.

Thank you.

I'm ready.

- You are?

- Oh, hell yes.

You have been so patient.

And I love you so much.

And I'm so grateful for you.

So let's go to the airport

and fly to Iceland

and rent a volcano.

Or...or we can venture

to your family's homeland

in Inverness and...

and vow it up

surrounded by Highland cows.

- Curious beasts.

- Or!

Or we can married on

Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.

We'd have to talk fast,

'cause I think the ride's

only a minute and a half long,

and the car only seats four

and we'll need room

for Gus and...

- Shawn.

I don't need any of that.

I never have.

You're gonna want

one of those cows.

Don't make the same

mistake I did.

- Let's just call a Lyft

and go to Vegas right now.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

Yes, Mr. Provedor?

- I'm ordained.

- What?

- I'll be your maid of honor.

- Ooh!

- No, no, no, no, no.

I don't think so.

Please.

- Mom...

- Overreaching.

You know what?

Completely my fault.

Move it, Vick.

We're ready to begin.

- Woody!

- Gus...

I knew this was

gonna happen, Shawn.

- I know, I know, I know.

But you gotta pull it together,

'cause I need your

best man speech to kill.

- It will.

- Hey.

My sincerest congratulations

to the both of you.

- Oh, thanks, man.

- You're welcome.

- Very kind.

That's just a good dude.

Brother's gotta

make a living.

- This economy? Absolutely.

- Yeah.

- Shall we begin?

- Oh! I do.

- Me too.

You skipped a few things.

It's okay.

- Right, sure.

Let's start from

the beginning.

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered here

to celebrate the union

of two lovely people

and, uh, bear witness

to their union

and holy matrimony.

Should anyone here know of

any reason this couple

should not be wed, please speak

now or forever hold your peace.

Yeah, I have a few things I'd

like to get off my chest.

- Woody, really?

- Oh, not about this.

Can I wait until later?

- Yeah, I think so.

You know what?

I'm gonna wait.

Gus! We're gonna need

a bigger boat!

- Stop playing around, Shawn.

The girl's already

at the airport checked in.

Find your damn passport.

- Boom! Found it.

Oh, hey, should I slice

this up for the road?

- Let's go, Shawn.

Look, I'ma ask you this

one more time.

Are you absolutely sure Juliet

is okay with Selene and I

tagging along on

your honeymoon?

She's come to expect

nothing less.

All right.

Should we be worried?

- Nah, it's Chinatown.

It's probably firecrackers

or jiffy pop.

Bubble wrap, bubble tea.

Could be any one

of those things, Gus.

- Congratulations, bro!

Finally made an honest woman

out of my sis.

Ewan? What the hell

are you doing here?

- Oh, man.

I'm chillin'.

Hey, you guys got

a back door in here?

Gus!

So I was just gonna

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