Psycho Brother In-Law Page #3

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Who's this?

Just dropped in for a visit.

David, Liz,

a good friend of mine.

- Hi.

- And Fran, a fellow PTA member

and hardworking parent.

- David, so nice to meet you.

I didn't realize

that Eric had a brother.

- Yeah. He doesn't talk

about me much.

I guess I'm pretty boring.

[ laughs ]

- Seem pretty

interesting to me.

- Uh, David's offered

to help in any way

he can with the fundraiser.

- Oh, thank you

very much, David.

I know that I could

definitely use some good help.

- Okay, then.

So what's on the agenda?

- I don't get it.

What are you afraid of?

- I'm just not ready

to go there yet, Ron.

- Oh, hey, here comes

your mom with some dude.

- That's my uncle.

- Hey, sweetie.

- Hey, Mom.

Uncle David, what are

you doing here?

- I figured I'd help your

mom out with some errands.

She's got a lot on her plate.

- Oh, yeah, between

doing yoga and watching TV.

- That's what you think I do?

- Your mom prepped all

this week's meals.

She cleaned the house.

Swung by the DMV and took

the car into the shop.

She got very scary with

the teller at the bank

and planned your fundraiser.

That's just this morning.

You don't even realize

everything that she does

because she hardly

breaks a sweat.

I mean, your mom's

a pretty groovy gal.

[ laughs ]

- Groovy.

- Sorry. Who are you?

- I'm her boyfriend.

- Well, just meet us by the car

when you're ready, okay?

- Yeah, okay, I'll be

there in a minute.

- Nice to meet you.

- Yeah. Take it easy,

Uncle Dave.

That's your uncle?

What a cuck.

- He's actually really cool.

- Oh, yeah, right.

Well, can he do this?

Aw, damn it!

- And why would he want to?

You know, it's a good

thing you're cute.

Otherwise, I'd dump you just

for knowing the word "cuck".

- I'm cute, huh?

[ chuckles ]

Hey, give me a real one.

- So how did Laura

end up dating that guy?

- Oh, she says he's some sort of

music prodigy and idiot savant.

- Hmm.

- Damn it, Eric!

- What's wrong?

- Well, he refuses to pay full

price for this repairman

and he only wants to use

someone his friend recommends.

But he keeps forgetting

to ask for the number

and this is really

fascinating for you

and not boring at all.

- If you notice water dripping

from your line,

you can save time by

tightening it yourself.

To complete this process,

you'll need a pair of pliers

or a pair of channel locks.

- There.

- Remember, everyone,

safety first.

- There!

Yeah!

Oh!

- Uh-oh.

- Thanks. I, um...

I obviously have

no idea of what I'm doing.

- I'm pretty sure I can fix it.

I've always been a DIY

kind of guy

so Eric could focus on

being the smart one.

- Thank you.

- Yeah.

- Well, I should call Eric

and tell him we don't

need the repair guy anymore.

- Yeah, you don't

need him anymore.

I don't get it.

I don't understand how

you get it so easily.

- I like numbers.

- Apparently.

Now can we wrap this up and

watch "Goonies" already?

- Okay, okay.

Just a couple more.

- Wow, you clean up nicely.

- Thank you.

- She always gets all

dolled up for date night.

Which I don't know why.

You guys always go

to the same restaurant

and then the movies.

Boring.

- Hey, be nice to your mom.

- When you don't have

very many opportunities

to look nice, you find them.

- Well, you do look

really pretty, Mom.

- Thank you.

We'd better hurry up,

or we're gonna be late.

- So how often is date night?

- Barely ever.

Okay, so when you're solving

for an unknown equation,

you have to start with what

you already do know.

- Right.

- Seriously?

Why didn't you call me sooner?

Yeah.

Sure you will.

Okay, bye.

[ crying ]

Well, um, I guess it's one

more for "Goonies", you guys.

I'd better call the restaurant

and cancel the reservation.

- Wait. I'll go with you.

- No, don't be silly.

We shouldn't be

spending money on movies

and restaurants anyway.

Hi, yes. I had a reservation

for tonight...

- Come on.

I think Eric would agree

that you deserve a night out.

- Hi, yes, um...

I just wanted to confirm

a reservation for two.

[ no audible dialogue ]

- Just saying that's now

how they do it in Alaska.

- Well, I'm sorry it didn't

live up to your fish standards.

- I'm just messing with you.

- You sound just

like your brother.

- What? Picky?

- [ chuckles ]

Eric's always been

a little bit uptight. I know.

- Aw, not always.

I mean, not when we first met.

- I don't know that story.

- Well, we met at a party.

A friend introduced us.

I liked Eric right away.

I thought he was so handsome.

But Eric was,

I don't know, standoffish.

He barely said hi to me.

I thought he hated me.

But as the night went on

and the drinks were flowing,

we kept stealing little

looks at each other.

Finally, he asked me to dance.

I have to tell you,

the first time we touched,

it was like an actual physical

spark flew between us.

I'd never felt

anything like that.

We just knew.

We just knew.

We were so happy.

We were dancing

and laughing like kids

and jumping around

and being crazy.

And then we fell

into the pool.

And I kept trying to hide

my face and swim to the side.

But Eric just pulled me

right up to him and kissed me.

And then he took

off his clothes

and I took off my clothes.

And other people started

diving into the pool.

And we were skinny-dipping in

the middle of all these people.

It was wild and...

That was Eric.

Wild and free.

I bet you were

like that back then.

- Not quite.

To you.

And being free.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

- Get your ass to the car,

all right?

[ laughs ]

- Oh, hey, looking

super cute, you two!

Oh, okay. Sorry.

I totally thought

you were Eric.

- Oh, no.

Sorry, it's me.

- Oh, no. It's just you guys

just looked super cozy.

Anyway, you having

a good time?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah.

- Best time I've had

in a long time, actually.

Great company.

- Oh, like when I fell asleep

halfway during the movie

and drooled on your shoulder?

- Yeah.

Well, I usually hang out on

a boat with a bunch of crabs

and a guy named

Three Tooth Jack.

So your drool is the best thing

to happen to me in like months.

- I'm just really excited

to be out of the house.

- Well, you guys are

super lucky.

I just came from what

was possibly the worst date

in the history of dates.

Thank you, internet.

- Hmm.

- Anyway, nice

to see you both.

And thanks for showing

this one a good time, David.

She needed it.

- Yeah, that's

what I was saying.

- Oh, and give

Three Tooth Jack my number.

Sounds hot.

- Oh, uh...

He is not.

You tired?

Or do you wanna go grab

a sundae or something?

I'm sure there's probably

an ice cream shop

around here somewhere.

- Uh, no.

- Right.

Yeah, sure.

- Okay.

- I'm just saying, that

would never really happen.

- It absolutely could happen.

Yes, I have a friend,

actually who...

Eric?

- It's past midnight.

Laura told me what happened.

You guys have a good time?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Fantastic time.

- Good.

You know, bro, why don't we go

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