Psycho Brother In-Law Page #4

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on that fishing trip soon?

Grab a beer maybe

later this week

when the girls are

at the fundraiser?

- Sounds good.

- Good.

Goodnight, bro.

Coming, babe?

- Yeah.

Just a sec.

- Okay.

- I had a nice time.

- Me too.

Have a good night.

- You too.

- So you had

fun tonight, huh?

- Yeah.

It was nice to have

an evening out.

- Sorry I had to cancel.

But...

Maybe...

We don't have

to cancel everything.

- Eric, I don't know.

- Come on.

- Have you been drinking?

- I had a drink.

- With who?

- We were going over strategy.

It was a partners thing.

- You canceled date night

for drinks?

- Baby...

- No.

Is that all that was going on?

- What? What are

you asking me?

- Are there any relationships at

work you want to tell me about?

- When I say I'm working,

I'm working.

- Okay.

[ sighs ]

- Hey, good morning.

- Morning.

- Are you off somewhere?

- Yeah. I was gonna

take a run.

I need to de-stress.

- You think you want to come

with me to school again today?

- I might pass on

that, actually.

There's just some personal

things that I want to attend to.

- Totally get it.

No worries.

Do your thing.

- All right.

[ door opens ]

[ school bell rings ]

- So your mom's still cool

with us going out tonight?

- Yeah, but I can't

get home too late.

- I'll get you home early.

5, 6, 7 a.m.

No later, I promise.

- Hey, sweetie.

- Oh, hey, Mom.

- They need me to stay

later to handle

some stuff with the vendors.

Do you mind waiting?

- I could take

her home, Mrs. C.

- Oh, yeah.

I could just go with Ron.

- Okay. I'm gonna be

home in an hour

and I expect to see you there.

- Mrs. C., of course.

- Okay. Bye.

- Bye.

- Do you know how much

damage we could do

to each other in an hour?

- You are such a perv.

- Ron, I gotta go.

- Let me come in.

Nobody's home and

we got some time. I...

- Thanks for the ride.

I want to look extra special

for you tonight.

- What do I know

What do I know

What do I What do I know

What do I know

I am a fool

Take me to school

I am a fool

[ thudding ]

[ thudding continues ]

[ screams ]

Oh, hey, Laura.

- This is a fundraiser

for a school event.

- I'm sorry, ma'am.

Those are our rates.

I can ask my manager to see if

we can cut anything else back.

But that's a ballpark.

Let me know.

- Okay.

Can you believe that?

- People mystify me.

[ chuckles ]

Look, Kay...

You're my best friend

and I want you to be happy.

But just make sure that

what you're doing

is what you want to do.

- What do you mean?

- You and David seemed

pretty, uh... intimate.

[ cell phone buzzes ]

- Sorry.

I have to get this.

Hey, Laura, sweetie...

What's wrong?

What?

Oh, my God.

Stay there.

- Kay, where are you going?

- It's David.

Something's wrong.

Laura?

Laura, where are you?

- Here, Mom.

- You're turning me into

a mummy right now.

- I'm trying to do it right

if you would sit still.

- Hey, you guys.

- Hey, Mom.

- Hey.

- What's going on?

- Sorry to tell you,

your daughter's probably

not going into the medical

field any time soon.

- I'm literally doing

the best I can.

- I'm just kidding.

Thank you.

- What about the emergency?

Laura, you sounded so

panicked on the phone.

- Sorry.

I saw the blood and I...

- I was trying to move that

mirror down in the basement.

And I don't know what happened.

It flipped and I tried

to catch it, and it just...

- Shattered into like

a million pieces.

- Well, not a

million pieces, but...

- Okay, but a

few thousands at least.

- Right.

- Anyway, it was loud

and I heard him scream.

And I didn't know

anyone was home...

- I scared her.

- Yeah.

- And apparently

we scared you, so sorry.

- Yeah.

Well, you sounded really

panicked on the phone.

- Yeah, sorry, Mom.

- Are you sure you're okay?

You don't need to go

to the ER or anything?

- Oh, no.

Look at me.

Maybe she is ready

for med school.

[ laughs ]

Or at least art school

or something

because my hand kind of looks

like a Paper Mache tree stump.

- Oh, it's getting late.

I have to change.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah.

- I feel like there's something

you're not telling me.

- I, uh... I lost my job.

- What?

- Yeah.

- The crab fishing gig?

- Yeah, yeah.

The whole company shut down.

- David, I'm so sorry.

- It's okay. You know...

I'll get another job.

- I was gonna get you a glass

of water, but you need booze.

- Hell yeah, I do.

- Here you go.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

I remember when I lost my job.

- Are you kidding me?

What kind of idiot boss

would want to fire you?

- I mean, I didn't lose it.

I left.

- Oh.

- Yeah.

After I got pregnant,

Eric and I thought

it'd be better for one of

us to be home, and...

- It wasn't gonna

be Eric, was it?

- No.

- No.

- Hey!

- Ooh!

I am so sorry!

- Oh, my God,

what are you guys doing?

- Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

- It's okay.

- Please let me...

- Hi, honey.

You look great.

You did a good job

with your uncle's hand.

Don't listen to him.

- Yeah, I know.

- God, I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

[ car honks ]

- Well, I gotta go.

Try not to destroy

everything in here.

- I'll try not to.

- I should go. Soak this.

It's gonna stain.

- Yeah, probably.

And I should go

clean up the glass

that I broke

downstairs too, so...

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Hey, what are you

doing tonight?

- Uh, what any clumsy

badass would be doing.

Watching chick flicks

with you?

- You're on.

- Okay.

So what did you use to do?

- I was a paralegal.

Sounds boring,

but it was exciting.

Following hunches,

doing deep dive research.

Helping change peoples' lives.

- You miss it.

- Mm-hmm.

- I bet you were good at it.

- I kind of always thought

once Laura was grown,

I'd go get my law degree.

- Well, you should do that.

- Really?

- Yeah. I'll help you.

- You'll help me?

- Sure.

- How?

- I don't know.

I'll be your housewife.

- Stop.

- I'm serious.

I'll fix things

and clean things.

And keep you filled up on

smoothies and ice cream.

- From "Deadliest Catch"

to "Desperate Housewife", huh?

- Why not?

- Wouldn't that be something?

[ dryer buzzes ]

I'll be right back.

- Thanks for tonight.

- Yeah, yeah.

Can I get a goodbye kiss?

- Yeah.

- No backing out this time?

- What am I doing?

- Wait. Slow down.

- Ron, stop!

I'm sorry.

I'm just not ready to go there.

I should go.

- No. Wait.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

- Ron, stop it!

- Don't do that!

Oh!

- Oh, my God!

Please stop it!

- David!

What are you doing?

Stop it!

[ police siren blares ]

- Mom, are you okay?

- Yeah.

- Look, I'm trying

to work with you.

Should we run tests?

I just want to make sure

we're covering all bases.

- Officer, I know my brother.

He was just defending my

daughter from being assaulted.

- Mr. Campbell,

he hospitalized a minor.

- He--

- Hey.

- I know my brother overreacted.

He's just very protective.

- What he is is lucky.

Now since the boy's

injuries weren't that serious,

his father isn't

pressing charges.

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