Puerto Ricans in Paris Page #6

---

let's get air.

Good.

B*tch.

Big fan of gin?

Yeah, I'm mean.

And gin makes me meaner.

Yeah, your friend Colette was telling

me that you're a fan of wine too?

She mentioned you own

a vineyard?

Well, I'm doing okay lately.

Modeling?

I haven't made money modeling

since '04.

And I blew most of that

on coke and motorcycles.

How you buy a vineyard?

Hook a brother up.

I shouldn't.

I don't know you well enough.

Come on, baby.

You can trust me.

Look, where I'm from, everybody

tells me their secrets.

I'm like the Oprah

from the Lower East Side.

You have to promise me

not to tell Colette.

She'd kill me

if she found out.

Who's Colette? I don't know who Colette is.

I'm not gonna tell Colette.

I'm a madame.

You're a what, now?

I'm a madame. A pimp.

See all these girls here?

They work for me.

-They're models.

-No, they're broke models.

I set them up with rich guys

for accompaniment.

A fancy dinner here.

A trip to St. Tropez here.

And everybody is so happy.

I mean, come on, really? Nah.

And the only one not happy

is my poor friend Colette.

Colette's not happy?

What? Between the divorce

and selling the company...

Poor thing,

she's having a tough time.

I told her not to sell.

I did.

But she didn't listen.

Of course

now she regrets it..

I thought she was

being dramatic

when she said she wanted to quit and

take her son to India for a simple life.

Now I am not so sure.

Yeah.

A million euros in India

goes a long way?

Sh*t. Listen, I gotta go.

You're leaving me?

Now you got me drunk?

Trust me, I don't

believe it either, okay?

I gotta go, okay?

Come on, Luis.

Luis!

Marie?

Eddie! Eddie!

Jump with me.

Let's trash this f***ing place!

No, I'm tired.

You need to chill out. Plus, I left

my credit card for incidentals.

Okay.

May I?

Jesus, you too?

If I say no, you're gonna

do it anyway, so go ahead.

How often do you have to shave

to keep it so soft?

Every morning.

You're a simple man, Edgar.

I respect that.

Your heart is pure

and your head is shiny.

Things used to be

simple for me too.

Every Sunday, Jerome would

make blueberry pancakes.

They were terrible,

but they were his thing.

Charlie would take two bites

and pretend to like them,

and then we all go get

a proper brunch in the Marais.

Things are more

complicated now.

Maybe I made the wrong choice.

That's what Jerome always says.

Don't listen to him.

Do you think

I'm a sellout, Eddie?

Doesn't matter what I think.

Yeah, it matters to me.

I trust you.

I don't think

you're a sellout at all.

It's okay. Hey.

No, I'm married.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Hey. How'd it go, man?

I should be asking you that.

Listen, Kate's clean,

everybody's clean.

The only one that ain't clean

is your little French friend.

What are you talking about?

Think about it, bro.

She loses her husband.

She's miserable at her job, so she

says, you know, f*** these suits.

Steals her own bag, pockets a million

euro cash, then she disappears.

There's no way. Colette isn't

dirty like that, man.

She's dirty enough to be coming out

of your hotel room at 5:00 AM.

Face it. She's shoving her titties

to throw you off, and it's working.

Nothing happened between us.

Look, I hate to break it

to you, Ed,

but Colette...

She's not your friend.

She's been playing you all this time.

You're too dumb to see it.

Colette isn't the thief,

and stop calling me dumb.

Then smarten up.

Look around, dummy.

It's killing you

to see me do better than you.

Please, get a grip.

All these years, you've got me

under your thumb like a sidekick.

God forbid, I step out of your shadow.

You can't handle it!

Then step out of my shadow.

I've been wanting

a new partner anyway, dick.

So have I. You think you're

the brains of the operation?

All you are is a f***ing ego.

Whatever.

Look, I'm turning Colette

into Vincent.

I'm getting my money and

getting the hell out of Paris.

You can stay here

with Colette.

I'll go home, and I'll take care of

my sister, Gloria, your ex-wife.

Say something now, dick!

Yo.

What are you doing here?

I wanted to come down here to

personally tell you I found your thief.

- It's Colette.

- Colette?

What are you talking about?

Well, she regrets selling you

her company.

She's telling all her friends

she's miserable.

So she's self-sabotaging

for a quick payday.

She's confessed as much to you or you have

some other proof? -She's banging Eddie!

What more proof do I need?

And I'll take his cut

of the reward.

You think I can accuse

my business partner,

one of the most beloved

designer in Paris,

of extortion and fraud

with no proof?

Trust me, okay. It's Colette.

Well, as much as I would love

to just take your word on that,

I'm afraid that's

not good enough.

- Okay.

- I was on the phone with our board earlier this morning.

At this point we have no choice but to pay

the ransom and put this matter to rest.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm late for a meeting.

I trust you can see yourself out

the same way you saw yourself in.

I must say, I expected more

from New York's Finest.

"I must say, I expected more

from New York's Finest."

Yeah, buddy.

Merci beaucoup, bro.

What the f***

was I thinking?

I'm sorry

I tried to kiss you.

I had too much to drink.

Nah. It's all good.

Is that you playing it cool?

What? Nah. Nah.

Okay. 'Cause you're saying

"nah" a lot.

- For real?

- Okay.

Let me call you

right back, okay?

Vincent?

Merde!

I need soap.

And a towel.

Bring back the leftover soap!

- So, gentlemen...

- Bro, I'm all out of f***in' euros.

I'll send you a Christmas card.

Guys, wait!

I really need to talk to you. -What

the f*** you do to your hair?

Something crazy is happening. Vincent

fired me. I have no idea what's going on.

That's really too bad, 'cause we've got

a flight to catch, so we gotta go.

-Okay. Okay. I'll take you to the airport.

-Bye, Colette.

Get in the f***ing car

before I lose it!

So he spins some bullshit

about gross negligence

and basically says

I have no recourse.

The whole thing

is ridiculous!

Are you actually

gonna watch the road?

You see? That was a stop sign.

I can't compete

with their team of lawyers.

You should've thought about that

before you stole your own bag,

- made us go on this wild-goose chase.

- What?

You think I'm the one

behind this?

You can't believe that!

We investigated everybody, okay?

None of 'em did it.

So that doesn't leave

too many suspects now.

You think it was me too? -I

honestly don't know what to think.

Eddie. That's how

you see me now, a thief?

I thought we were friends! I thought I'd

go to New York and meet your family.

Sh*t.

I never got Gloria a gift.

Damn!

That is so much like you, Eddie.

No reward money, no gift, and she

was already mad when I left.

Give her these, bro.

Thanks, man.

You should have stuck

to just making sunglasses.

They wasn't so bad.

I don't make sunglasses.

They said "Colette" on them.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes