Pushing Dead Page #5

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We are a company that believes

there are times when

we all need help

managing our lives.

Add the complexities of living

with a life-threatening illness

like yours, Mr.

Schauble, and I'm sure

life can at times

seem out of control.

Uh, my job is to assist

you in obtaining immediate

financial relief.

I'd like to help you

reduce your stress level.

for your life

insurance policy.

We are--

[SNAPS]

- (sighs)

- [Automated voice]

Please hold while we

access the information.

[DOOR CHIMES]

Client ID is not valid.

- There's a new moon tonight.

- Oh boy.

- Hello.

- Hi.

(laughs)

- Thanks for

the paper people.

If I'd had some scissors they

would've been way better.

- I'm Dan. It's nice--

- Hi Dan.

- (laughs) Nice to meet you.

- What did you do to your eye?

- Oh.

Well that's a fun story.

Uh, I was mugged a

couple nights ago.

- Wow.

- Not too far from here.

By a very unhappy man.

Who also had a crowbar.

- Wow. And you've,

you've come back.

You're just back here tonight.

For the second round.

Impressive.

- Well I happen to like

this park very much.

roommate/massage therapist

told me that I should come here.

And that I should

talk to the trees.

Because they have special powers

or something like that.

And if I talk to them I can

absorb their energy.

She says that I should

be more spiritual and...

(sigh-laughs)

I'm just vomiting way too

much information right now

aren't I?

(laughs) I'm sorry.

- No, no, no it's interesting.

That is actually,

genuinely interesting.

I, I want to know more.

- Question 1:

- Mhm.

- Are they listening?

- (laughs) I don't know.

- I don't know, I haven't

made my opening statement.

I don't know if I'm supposed

to pick a single tree

or address them as a group.

Um, I should've asked

more questions.

I don't know maybe the whole

spirituality thing isn't for me.

- No! Don't give up!

Just start with a bush.

- (giggles-snorts)

Oh my God.

- That was a very strange

laugh that I just made.

That's, that's nothing

like my real laugh.

- Give me your hand.

Give me your hand.

- I just want to see your palm.

- Oh dear.

- Look

See that? See those spirals?

- Uh, yeah.

- Yeah? You see them?

- Those spirals

show that actually

you are in very good shape.

Spiritually.

Here you go.

Look, I've gotta

go. I have a, um

I have a dinner date.

- Of course you do.

- It's with my sister.

She's, uh,

in town a couple days,

just wanted to see

Chinatown, so...

- I love chinese food.

- (both laugh)

Aargh. Maybe I'll, I'll

see you around sometime?

- Maybe you will.

- Yeah, I could do that.

Definitely wanna do that.

All right, your turn.

What do you do?

- I am a painter--

walls for a living, and then

not for a living, on canvas.

- Fascinating, I never

would've guessed that.

- No?

- (chuckles)

- Yeah, I've got bad aim.

- Well maybe I can see some

of your paintings sometime.

- Yeah, maybe.

What were you doing at

our doctor's office?

- Uh, I've been going there

for about two years.

- Oh.

- Oh, that was my fi- uh,

that was my second time.

They seem to know

what they're doing.

- Mm. And considering their

specialty, I'm assuming

you're positive?

[MUSIC]

- Are you?

- I am.

- I am positive. (chuckles)

- Well you assume correctly,

I, too, am positive.

- How long?

- Uh, I think two years,

I'm not sure. Might be more.

Your turn.

- (laughs) To tell me how

long you've been positive.

- It's a little personal,

don't you think?

- Fine.

Be that way.

You don't really strike

me as a bouncer.

I do a lot more than

just bounce there.

(clears throat)

I do many things.

Um, the owner Bob,

sort of, like,

family.

- You been in any big fights?

- Uh, I've tried to

break up a few.

Uh, I'm not a

confrontational person,

so it generally doesn't

go well for me.

[GLASS BREAKING]

[JUKEBOX MUSIC]

(coughing)

[YELLING AND SCREAMING]

I do not-- (grunts)

I'm all right!

I'm okay.

God, this is a lovely street.

- Mm, it's nice, I like it.

Also, this is my house.

- No way!

- Yeah.

- It's beautiful.

- Thank you.

Uh,

I'm gonna take you for

food tomorrow night.

- Y- yes, I acc--

Okay, I acc-- I accept that.

Do you have a pen or something

to write down my number?

- I have a pen.

- Wow.

- Pick a pen, any pen.

- Someone's a writer.

Is it you?

- (chuckles)

Um. (clears throat)

Confession:
I'm sort of

between

cell phones at the moment

so, um,

I'm gonna give you my

home number.

The old land line.

And um, you can call that.

And if I'm not there

just, just uh...

Just leave a message.

- Okay.

Well I will call you tomorrow.

And we can work out specifics.

- I love specifics.

- I love specifics, too.

(clears throat)

(whispers) All right then.

(sighs)

[MUSIC]

(sighs)

[MUSIC QUICKENS]

[DIAL TONE] YES!

Yes.

(sighs)

[MUSIC]

[KNOCKING]

Hello, Bob.

- Danny.

- Don't get up. I just brought

you some donuts to

help pass the time.

- Jelly?

- Are there any other kind?

- Ah. You sure know how to

cheer up an old man, huh?

And now I was thinking

of making some decaf

would you like some?

- I should probably get

some sleep tonight,

because I

(sings) have a date tomorrow.

- (chuckles) Yeah,

about time.

Bring him by. I

want to meet him.

- Only if you promise to

keep your hands to yourself.

It is a first date, after all.

Decaf or no?

- Eh, sure.

So, one old man to another...

How do I get her back?

- Whoa.

Did you actually--

You just asked me that?

- Yes, I'm asking you.

- Bob, this is good,

we're gonna talk about this,

this is good! Okay. Um.

Do you love her?

- Of course I love her!

What kind of question is that?

- Maybe it's the question

that she's asking herself.

Think about how long

she's been married to you

and what an enormous

pain in the ass

- Think about how hard it

must be to be married to you-

- Well, you could start with

something very simple.

You say,

'I'm sorry.'

- That'll never work.

- (laughs)

(sighs)

Try it on me.

(sniffs)

- Try what?

- I want you to try apologizing.

- I want you to look me

in the eyes and say,

- Dot-

- 'I'm sorry.'

Or 'Dot, I love you.'

- Because I think at this point

either one will go a long way.

- Dot, I love you!

- I love you too, Bob.

I've always loved you.

Since that first

night at the Filmore,

when you took me to see "Bebe."

- Way back then?

- Yeah.

- Wow.

- I'm gonna come

sit on your lap.

- I'm gonna come sit

on your lap right now.

[CHAIR SCOOCHES]

- Dan. Come on.

(both laugh)

[MUSIC]

- [Automated voice] Please hold

while we access

the information.

Client ID is not valid.

- I'm sorry.

I know it's, I know

it's not your fault.

- He's got a grenade!

[SCREAMING]

- I, I--

[SCREAM]

- [Automated voice]

Client ID is not valid.

- It's, it's not

your fault, um...

How about my migraine pills,

can I, I could just

pay with cash for those?

- Of course!

That'll be $21 even.

- Can I get half?

- [Mugger] Don't f***in' move!

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