Putney Swope Page #6

such a big house, but then...

I really do think it's important

this house is run well.

And I'm not like, washing windows here.

I'm sort of...

...secretary in

a very old-fashioned way.

Mr. Swope, do you think

that your approach to advertising...

will encourage young people

to go into advertising?

- I hope not.

- Well, do you conceive your creations...

under the influence of drugs?

Hey, Swope,

what do you think of the Panthers?

They look good against the Bulldogs,

but they need more depth at quarterback.

Last night between 8:00 and 10:00, only

14% of the usual amount of people...

left the house

to buy newspapers and ice cream.

In essence, your commercials were

so good that nobody left the house...

to buy anything or burn anything.

Would you comment on that?

I think anything I would say

would just be redundant.

Mr. Swope, where have you been

all these years?

Laying in the cut.

Mr. Putney, did you sleep with your wife

before you married her?

Not a wink.

What is your position

on the checkerboard of life?

ls it true, do you refuse to advertise

war toys, cigarettes...

- and alcoholic beverages?

- You said it.

Where did you get the name

"Truth and Soul" ?

- In the streets.

- Excuse me, Mr. Swopes.

Gourmet magazine says

your commercials are tasteless...

and that you should be censored.

Now my question is...

in what direction are you heading?

I'm going uptown.

Can I give anybody a lift?

Get off of my short, baby!

You little b*tch.

What are you doing out here?

Get your ass in that house immediately.

Go on, move.

What do you think I have you for,

anyway? Come on.

Get in here,

you motherf***er, get in!

I believe Mr. Swope asked you

to use the freight elevator.

- Since when is that your business?

- Since right now.

And if I catch you using that elevator

again, I'm going to tell Mr. Swope.

- Is that Mr. Swope?

- That's him, baby.

- Mr. Swope?

- Putney. Putney.

Sonny Williams again.

He was a guest on Dating Game,

and when he didn't win...

he stood up

and exposed himself again.

CBS went off

the air for seven hours.

Bail him out and get him in here.

Mr. Swope, I'm Sister Basilica,

and this here is Billy Reilly.

Billy's an orphan,

and he wants to be your pal.

Now, if you want to be Billy's pal,

all you have to do is...

fill out the necessary papers, and take

him out of the settlement once a week.

You know, you can take him out to lunch,

or take him for a ride--

- You're taking me for a ride.

- Oh, be a pal.

- Shouldn't you be at school?

- F*** you. And f*** the establishment.

And f*** you people

who are trying to make me...

part of the unestablished

establishment.

All right. I'll pick you up tomorrow

at 11:
00. I'll take you to the zoo...

then we'll go to the ball game.

Why don't you just adopt me

and get it over with?

Don't push me, pal.

Whatever you decide,

don't do it out of guilt.

Bless you.

If this stiff comes through,

we have it made. Come on.

Brother, you were voted in here

on a jive hummer.

Now how, when,

are things gonna happen, man?

Your whole cart has been pimped.

When are thing gonna start to change?

Where's the revolution

you were talking about?

There ain't nothing happening,

there is no revolution...

the way you're running

this joint, man.

Now, when is something

gonna happen?

When are you going to do it?

When and how? What day?

Give me a time, man.

Show me how progress is gonna be made.

There ain't no progress

the way this is running now.

Putney, this is Sonny Williams.

What do you got to say

for yourself, Sonny?

Don't feel bad. It's okay.

Now, there's a man

who is doing something.

That is a revolution, man,

don't you understand?

When are you gonna start?

When are you gonna do something?

Putney, the President of the United

States wants to see you in three hours.

He says that he'll meet you halfway

so it's all set for Philadelphia.

Mr. Swope? Mark Focus.

I did this for Hertz,

that's Colgate...

that's Nabisco, that's lBM.

Did this for Mr. Swope.

That's Rockefeller.

- That's Rockefeller.

- What are you gonna do for me?

What are you, nuts?

- We made it, Put.

- It's phenomenal.

We've thrown a tremendous hump

into the cooling industry.

- Who told you to open your mouth?

- No one. It just happened.

All right. I created Face Off.

I conceived the Borman Six...

and don't forget the mousetrap.

The rest of you people took old ideas,

and broken down concepts...

and embellished them

with a sense of show business.

Now, that's not enough.

When I see things that ain't fresh,

I get butterflies in my ulcer.

So from now on, you got to come up

with completely original fantasies.

Stop looking at the tube.

Stop reading magazines and newspapers...

- and don't talk to strangers. And don't--

- Mr. Swope?

Get on the freight elevator.

- Get rid of him.

- What do want me to do with him?

Get him a gig with the President.

First day on the job

and you get to meet President Mimeo.

I'll take him off.

How do you like

my demonstrators, Swope?

I put them in front of your building,

'cause you won't advertise cigarettes...

war toys, and alcoholic beverages.

And that's discrimination.

I also hear you flipped

over the Borman Six.

Bum trip, Swope. If you keep

discriminating against those products...

I'm gonna keep up the demonstration.

It's a small world, Swope.

Don't cross me.

- Let's move out.

- Say "please."

I said move out!

Back to welfare, Trigger.

Okay, move out.

Rent yourself a short, schmuck!

Hing!

My word, "Hing" !

Maybe Hingleberry or Hingsaurio.

Hing spells nothing,

begins nothing possible unto Webster.

It is my very, very own Hing!

Hing in the teeth of the wind,

and in the faces of governments and men.

Hing!

Hing uninvited, Hing unexcited...

Hing retiring into

his own Hinghood!

I built a wooden Hing once,

and fooled no one.

I painted Hing in oils

and ran out of canvas.

But I shall follow

wherever Hing lead...

till Hing vanish into darkness.

My word, "Hing" !

- Get everybody into the conference room.

- Got it.

Put that out.

Lunger cigarettes,

Swope, what do you say?

Daly War Toys. We just came out with a

new game called "Cops and Demonstrators."

Bull Connor Bourbon.

You name the price, Swope.

Lunger cigarettes,

Swope, what do you say?

Ethereal Cereal. You saved me.

- Fill this up.

- Right.

I want everybody to drop

whatever they're doing...

and start thinking up ideas

for Bull Connor Bourbon...

Lunger cigarettes, and a new game

called Cops and Demonstrators.

I thought you said we wasn't going to

advertise that kind of stuff.

- I changed my mind.

- I thought only women changed their mind.

- The man's copping out.

- What did you say?

- I said you're a cop-out.

- Get out of here!

- And don't come back either.

- Sh*t.

You're a punk.

If you wasn't my brother, I'd kill you.

I want these campaigns

ready by 5:
00 sharp.

- Are you sure you want to do this?

- I already done it.

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