Queen of the Lot Page #10

going to pick it up, okay?

(LAUGHING)

Wait, wait.

Come here.

Come here.

It's kind of fun actually,

isn't it?

Wait, you have a crumb.

A crumb right there.

- No I didn't get it.

- AARON:
Did you get it?

Mm-mm.

No, you get it?

You get it?

Come on.

More.

I could get really thin

if I kissed you a lot

'cause your lips taste

better than muffins.

That's a really good line.

I got to remember that.

- (GIGGLING)

- I'm sorry.

Something I do.

"Your lips taste better

than muffins."

Just a note, okay.

Can I sleep in your

childhood bed with you?

Um...

Did you ever have a girl sleep

over in your childhood bed?

No.

How 'bout you let me sleep

over in your childhood bed?

Well, what happens when

the person in Dov's childhood

bed wakes up tomorrow?

The person in Dov's

childhood bed isn't there.

The person in Dov's childhood

bed is with Shaelynn.

Maybe. Maybe.

I'm gonna walk around now.

(GIGGLING)

Oh, my God.

Nobody's ever carried me up

this many stairs.

AARON:
My legs may look skinny,

but they're actually

incredibly working.

(GIGGLING)

It's making me sleepy.

You're very, very sleepy.

- Yeah.

- It's late.

(YAWNING)

(SIGHS)

MAGGIE:
I'm sleepy.

- AARON:
Go to sleep.

- MAGGIE:
I'm sleepy.

AARON:
I'll tuck you in.

Dov?

Yeah.

I love you.

(PHONE RINGING)

- (SHOUTING IN BACKGROUND)

- Maggie.

Yeah, it's Gio.

Look out your bedroom window.

(PEOPLE SHOUTING)

Just outside the front gate.

(PEOPLE SHOUTING)

(LAUGHING)

Merry Christmas.

- (CAMERAS CLICKING)

- (PEOPLE SHOUTING)

Oh, my God.

(GIGGLING)

Oh, my God.

Hi!

Hi!

I've got waters for all of you.

Would you like a water?

Have some water, stay hydrated.

Water.

(SHOUTING CONTINUES)

He should be coming,

Dov should be coming soon.

Hi baby!

- There he is.

- (HORN HONKING)

No, don't honk at them.

Don't honk at them.

DOV:
What's the matter with you?

What are you doing?

Please, get away.

Get the hell out of my way, sir.

- Get out of the way.

- Just wait!

What's the matter with you?

What are you doing?

Okay, enough.

Back away from the car.

Back away from the car.

Back away from the car.

God, they're so irritating.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, my God, what were you doing?

Oh, I was just having

an interview

with some of the people

out on your front lawn.

FRANCES:
You look amazing.

- Where did you get that hat?

- MAGGIE:
Thank you.

Oh this thrift shop that's

so wonderful in Santa Monica.

- Good morning, Mrs. Lambert.

- ELIZABETH:
Good morning.

Good morning, Mr. Lambert.

ELIZABETH:
An interview?

On our lawn?

Oh no, not on your lawn.

They didn't come near the house,

they just came to

the front gate,

and then I just, you know,

did a little...

LOUIS:
Who is "they",

the paparazzi?

Well yeah, there

were some photographers

and some people down there.

LOUIS:
Oh great, wonderful.

MAGGIE:
Oh no,

but they were very nice.

- LOUIS:
I'm sure they were.

- It's very hard to handle that.

In our day,

it was so much easier.

We had handlers that

went with us everywhere.

They protected us

when we traveled,

and when we shot on location.

DOV:
Good morning everyone.

ELIZABETH:
Rough night, Dov?

DOV:
Yeah, everything

looks so beautiful.

Thank you.

Some juice, thank you.

Hey guys, how you doing?

PETE:
Pretty good,

how about you?

Doing alright,

I'm a little tired.

He's always tired.

Aren't you?

Give him a break.

What more breaks

does he want and need?

Okay handsome,

I'm gonna go take a nap.

Good, you do that.

FRANCES:

Would you like some coffee?

I'd chose to ignore that.

LOUIS:
Yeah,

maybe you should.

ELIZABETH:

It's really not necessary...

He has caused me nothing but

griefs the last couple of...

Okay.

You're right, you're right.

It is not...

I apologize, I'm sorry.

Like a vision in the night.

(MOANING AND KISSING)

You know what's really true

when things are the darkest?

There is a light.

All you have to do is

look at it and focus on it.

Anyway,

I am going to pitch

a reality show to IPN,

the International

Prayer Network,

starring Dov Lambert

and the entire Lambert family.

- (GASPING)

- Oh, no.

- What a great idea!

- ODIN:
It's gonna be called,

"Praying With The Stars".

ELIZABETH:

Leave me out, will you?

Is that amazing?

If we can scrape it together

and do the pilot,

an interdenominational

holiday special,

we can go syndicated,

and by this time next year,

we'll have a fortune, Louis.

I swear to God.

Look, we can get Mel Gibson.

You know him don't you?

You've worked with him before.

I know I can get

Sandra Bernhard.

If she's not danced out,

we can get Cloris Leachman,

I'm sure.

The Killers!

I hear they're very devout,

you know?

It's just gonna be great.

If we can keep it together,

alright?

Shaelynn will have to be in it

as well.

It's just gonna be great.

- Just what we need.

- FRANCES:
Oh, my God,

this is the tackiest thing

I've ever heard of.

ODIN:
Tacky?

Tacky is money.

LOUIS:
How did you

come up with this idea?

- Last night.

- What are you...

- Oh, my God.

- LOUIS:
Last night?

ODIN:
Mm-hm.

You guys don't understand,

that's how Ozzy Osbourne

and his... Sharon Osbourne,

they all became famous

- from a reality show.

- ODIN:
That's right,

listen to this girl,

this girl is reality.

This girl is the business now.

I mean, that's what everybody

in the Midwest watches,

reality shows.

That's brilliant.

- ODIN:
Mm-hm.

- You're brilliant.

You can have Catholics, and

Protestants, and Presbyterians.

And Jews! We can have lots

and lots of Jews.

(LAUGHING)

- Scaring me.

- Me too.

MAJA:
Just breathe out.

- Hurts a lot?

- MAGGIE:
Mm-hm.

Point to the large intestine.

All meridian going all

the way down your arm.

Hurts somewhere else?

Yeah, right there, right there,

right there, right there.

Ow, ow!

MAJA:
Breathe.

Is it out yet?

- Yeah, yeah yeah.

- MAJA:
Does it hurt here?

- Yeah, really tightly.

- That's really hurt.

(LAUGHING) Hi.

Move closer.

You can go for a minute

if you want.

What's the matter?

I missed looking at you.

I'm just...

trying to see you.

What do you mean?

- I mean, there's you.

- Mm-hm.

And then there's you.

And they're not the same.

And I want to know

which one is you.

The big you is:

"Oh, my God I'm from Iowa,

and everything

is so big in the big city,

and your family is so

rich and important.

I don't know what

to do with myself.

And this is all

like a big dream."

- The little you...

- Mm-hm.

...is the one who knows

exactly what she's doing,

who's very smart.

Slightly conniving,

bit of a game player.

Which one

do you want me to be?

You can be both as long as

you admit that you are both.

'Cause I can't be

with just the big you.

I need to know that there's

a little you in there too.

And unless I get that,

I don't think

this is going to happen.

And I just don't know

what you're doing.

Are you trying to

be with my brother?

Are you trying to be with me?

I don't know what you want.

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