Queen of the Lot Page #9

what you should be doing

or shouldn't be doing,

I'm just asking you

what the f*** are you doing?

I...

I'm falling in love

with somebody.

AARON:
What are you doing?

DOV:
What are you talking about?

Put a girl in the situation

where she feels like

she has to do something

that she's obviously

uncomfortable doing,

in order to please you,

and you're just playing a game.

I know what you're doing,

you're just playing.

DOV:
Let me show you something.

This is how fast they come

and go, just like that.

Yeah.

Here they are,

and then they're gone.

Shaelynn looks beautiful,

you would do the same thing.

You wouldn't do the same thing?

- Huh?

- I would not do the same thing.

- Oh, come on.

- I would not do the same thing.

You got a beautiful woman

in the pool,

takes her top off,

swimming around,

I got another beautiful woman

on the side of the pool,

she's ready to jump in the pool,

they're kissing.

You got a problem with that?

The way that I feel like it is,

yes.

Because I don't think

that she's...

I don't think she's like you,

to be honest with you.

DOV:
You're so uptight,

it's unbelievable.

- I'm not uptight.

- I mean, Shaelynn's my wife.

You got a problem

with us being together?

Well, she was your wife.

You haven't been together

for two and a half years.

No, she's still my wife.

What about Maggie?

Maggie's crazy about you.

- DOV:
Of course she is.

- (SCOFFING)

You are such a cocky f***.

I cannot f***ing believe

your attitude sometimes.

It's mind blowing to me

that my wife goes away,

and your comes back

to f*** you in the pool

in broad daylight.

I'm trying to have a

good time this weekend.

- I come here...

- No.

She was incredibly

intimidated to come here,

she's incredibly intimated by

all this, by our family.

She's totally vulnerable, and

you took advantage of that.

DOV:
Well I think

she's having a good time.

- Really?

- Mm-hm.

Well, she's having

a good time with you.

Well I'm...

I'm sort of being,

I don't know, protective.

I'm sort of looking...

I don't know what...

Actually, I really don't know

what I'm doing with her.

But I'm glad that I can

at least make her laugh,

and make her feel comfortable.

Well I'm glad that you're there

to protect her.

I shouldn't have to protect her

from you.

I need to work on that trick.

They don't go away,

they fall on the floor.

And then someone's

got to pick them up.

And it's usually me

that has to pick 'em up,

put them back,

and make it all nice again.

You flick 'em left

and you flick 'em right.

You know I got snapped off

with a set of 10s in that game

the other night?

To someone with a set of Aces.

He flopped a set of Aces.

I'm fascinated that this

is what you care about.

It was for a lot of money.

You know what a lot of money is?

Close to $80,000.

Bullshit.

You play poker for $80,000?

Well, I bought in

for $20,000 and...

- (SCOFFING)

- Four times.

That is like

inconceivable to me.

Eighty grand?

Wow.

I don't even know

what to say about that.

Look, can we at least come

to some sort of understanding

to some sort of

understanding about Maggie?

Can we at least... can you see

where I'm coming from?

Can you at least try

to edit your behavior,

just a little bit, if you have

no future intentions with her,

if there's nothing

going on that you...

If it's just a throw away,

then can you at least just...

As a favor to me,

just cool it a little bit?

GIO:
The really nice thing

about this stuff

is I found this

as a publicity trip.

And there's nothing that

I've ever seen Maggie,

in this place or time,

or what she's like...

I don't know what

you could do with it,

but it could be really good.

I mean, we have her, you know,

tractors, pigs, whatever.

It's kind of... you know,

it shows she's an American girl,

not... It counteracts the DUIs

and everything.

It's good, you know.

It's like common girl, whatever.

Yeah, but you know,

the cool thing is

that you could spin this

in a certain way.

How? Come on.

It's pigs, it's tractors,

it's Iowa.

Yeah, it's also Maggie

back in a place

- where Maggie came from.

- ZOE:
Look at that.

- That's bad PR.

- It's cute!

It's cute,

what are you talking about?

That's the piece.

There you go.

You see what I'm saying?

Shh!

Shh.

I found this in the freezer.

This house was built

in the '20s,

the walls are like

three feet thick, we're okay.

What the hell are you doing?

Can I ask you something?

Yeah.

Do you want some ice cream?

- Do I want mushrooms? No.

- Ice cream.

- What?

- MAGGIE:
Ice cream.

No, thank you.

I...

Oh, good Lord,

what are you doing?

It's called chetting.

Shh!

It's called chetting.

It's chewing and spitting.

I made it up, you don't

gain any weight doing this.

Queen of hearts,

pair of sevens.

Anybody have it?

- Tens.

- A hundred.

MAN:
Ten's bets,

bet's a hundred.

DOV:
You go, yous in?

Who is going to emblaze

in the California skies

with big circles,

with a dot in the middle?

Like Jane Russell's breasts.

Like Russell Birdwell did

for her,

where is my publicist?

When Ava Gardner and Lana Turner

f***ed the gas station

attendant,

there was no problem,

nobody cared,

'cause MGM and Paramount,

and everybody covered it up.

But I get an ankle bracelet,

and now everybody's

pissed off at me.

I don't have anybody

to protect me,

and if Kaz and Caesar

really loved me than they'd...

they'd write my breasts

in the sky too.

But they're not, are they?

No they're not.

But I don't think that they

would want to put my breasts

up in the sky 'cause I have

really small breasts anyway.

(SNIFFLING)

Maybe they should

put my ass in the sky.

Or my thighs,

'cause my thighs are bigger.

(LAUGHING)

(SNIFFLING)

You don't think I'm sexy either,

do you?

- What?

- You think I'm weird.

- No, you're very sexy.

- No, you think I'm weird.

Very kind of odd

and interesting and...

- But weird?

- Unconventional,

- untraditional.

- But that's not sexy.

- It is.

- (GAGGING)

- Not sexy at all.

- (CRYING)

I have to admit, that is...

what you're doing

is not sexy in the slightest.

- MAN:
200.

- 200.

- MAN 2:
Check.

- MAN 3:
Check.

CAESAR:
Let me see...

I can't see what's going on.

- MAN:
Are you in?

- CAESAR:
$2,000.

MAN:
What's underneath

that king there?

Suite.

Suite.

What do you say we put all

the muffins, and all the cakes,

and all the cookies away.

And you get some sleep?

How would that be?

- Yes.

- Okay.

That conversation

was exhausting.

- And it's very late.

- Do you like exhausting women?

Was your wife exhausting?

Uh, I think I exhausted my wife.

Really?

How did you exhaust her?

Don't keep secrets.

Um, how did I exhaust my wife?

I think she wanted

somebody less...

complicated.

I don't think

you're that complicated.

Really?

Have a bite.

(LAUGHING)

- (IMITATES GAGGING)

- (LAUGHING)

I really don't want anybody

else to find this mess

in the morning, so I am

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