Quickie Love Is So Page #3

---

Lore, what do you think of Catalonia?

- Catalonia, madam?

Nothing, madam.

Fine.

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

How did you sleep?

Fine.

Yes, I slept well.

Especially well.

Although it hurts a bit here.

As if I've bumped my head.

- Sir, here's your coffee.

- Thank you.

I'm going,

I'll see you later.

Don't be late.

- Why not?

- Nothing.

- You must have said it for some reason.

- No.

- Are you sure it's nothing?

- I said "nothing".

Don't,

you'll rub my cream off.

- Goodbye, Lore.

- Goodbye, sir. Have a nice day.

One thing.

I've been thinking and...

I think we can do the implants

for two thousand euros.

What do you think? Good?

- Good, sir. Thank you.

No.

Thanks to you.

Right, you stay here,

you've messed me up more than once.

I'll be right back.

What do you do?

I run my own business,

with an associate.

Events.

I thought I'd told you when we chatted.

And business parties...

- Yes, party tricks.

I'm not into parties

and alcohol or drugs.

No, I mean...

There are no drugs, as far as I know.

Yes, and any hang-ups?

- I don't know.

- You must have one.

Off the top of my head,

I don't know, the usual stuff.

Usual... like everyone.

Like everyone, nothing shameful.

Sure.

- Do you?

- Yes.

You see, since I was a child,

I've had a cloth that I call Wee-wee.

Wee-wee?

Without it,

I can't sleep or calm myself down.

I take it with me everywhere

because it has become

one of my greatest pleasures.

For everything.

- Yes, sure.

- Yes.

Of course.

I'm very fussy about fabric.

- I can see that.

- Very particular.

Polyester?

I don't know.

- You don't know?

- No.

- You bought it... any old how.

- I don't know, I liked it.

Wee-wee is silk.

But a bit of a silk mix.

- Right.

-It's perfect.

Shall I show it to you?

What?

The cloth.

Here it is.

Look.

Close your eyes.

- What?

- Wow!

Soft.

I hold it like this,

on this side.

Suddenly...

TEXTOPHILIA:

SEXUAL ATTRACTION

TOWARDS CERTAIN FABRICS

What's funny?

Nothing.

- You're laughing at me.

- I'm not laughing.

It's something...

intimate that I'm showing you

and you shouldn't laugh.

- I'm not.

- I didn't laugh at you.

I'm not laughing, honestly.

- Am I odd?

- No...

I'm not odd.

I've got my hang-ups and I'm different,

but I'm not odd.

Perhaps you're the one

who isn't very different.

I've seen lots of people like you,

with your fringe and your moustache.

It's fine, really.

- No, it isn't.

- Yes, believe me.

I'm comfortable.

Very comfortable right now.

Really, don't worry.

I'm fine here...

Christ almighty!

Well, today will be quick.

Greta, Javier. Javier, Greta.

It gave me...

a real fright, to be honest.

I'd seen some,

but not that big.

It's enormous.

I mean, I love animals.

I studied Biology.

I didn't finish it.

I had an iguana when I was a kid.

I remember once

I had it on my shoulder and it crapped.

It crapped loads.

It did an enormous crap.

The crap was as big as its body.

Since then,

every time I see an iguana,

I always imagine

it's crap will be as big as its body.

Roughly.

It's as if I dump

and it measures 180cm.

What?

The thing about the iguana.

How long have you had it?

Greta?

- Are you okay?

- No, no. What's wrong?

Calm down,

I just wanted to know its age...

I can't hear you.

I can't hear you because I'm deaf.

The battery is running out,

I'll go and change it.

And since we're talking about things,

apart from the hearing aid,

I'm a coeliac, my feet smell

and I'm lactose intolerant...

There's a taxi rank just in this street,

in case you're in a rush or whatever.

I've got a present.

No!

- No!

- Oh, yes!

- What a time in London.

- Oh, God.

What a disgusting village.

Nata!

We're coming!

- Gorgeous!

- I love you!

- How's it going with this one?

- He has a name,

Alex.

Really good.

I'm so in love, Asun.

I'd never felt like this.

I'm kind of connected to him.

He spoils me, looks after me,

I love him,

he loves me, he treats me well...

- Great.

- Almost a year now.

He's lasting a long time, then,

given what you're like.

He's going to ask me to marry him.

- What?

- On Saturday.

It's our anniversary,

we're having dinner.

I think he'll ask me.

I'm longing for it,

but I don't want it to show.

But...

You haven't told him about us, have you?

About what?

I told him about the petrol station.

Are you stupid or what?

Why did you tell him?

They needn't know everything.

Besides, what was it?

A bit of harpaxophilia?

That's all, because they attacked you

and we realised.

-It's not just harpaxophilia.

- Well,

you get dendrophilia occasionally

when the summers are intense.

Nothing else.

I didn't tell Fernando anything.

Nothing at all until over a year.

I told him about gran,

he still doesn't believe it.

Well, I'm not like you,

I don't think that's right.

If you're too sincere,

you'll get nowhere.

Look, Pichu, I hope I'm wrong,

but this guy won't marry you.

- Why?

- He looks like a whoremonger.

- What?

- I'm telling you, I know these things.

You don't even know him.

If I'm wrong, at your hen party,

I'll wear a dick on my head.

There you go.

How's Natalia?

Great, what can I say?

Well...

Besides,

Natalia looks to be a bit prude

but then she surprises you.

You know...?

- There's still a lot to surprise you.

- Really?

- Yes, these sisters are...

tremendous.

- Yes?

- Tremendous.

- Sure.

And it's not me.

This comes from way back.

It runs in the family.

- Yes.

- You know?

I think I get you.

There's nothing more to be said then.

You know what I'm talking about...

No?

- Yes, yes.

Look here, listen carefully.

If they get something into their heads,

you can't refuse,

you can't say no.

I almost got divorced.

- Seriously?

- Seriously.

- Hi.

- Hi, love.

I'll leave this over here.

How are you?

- Chardonnay.

So, has he pestered you with the birds?

No, I like them actually.

Yes, I'm sure you think

we're a mad family.

No, no.

Which do you prefer?

Alex or Alejandro?

- Alejandro, I don't know.

- Like Alejandro Magno.

No?

- Yes.

He was gay.

Did you know that?

- No, I didn't.

Now you know.

Well, when is the wedding?

The wedding?

Well...

I don't think

we're the marriage type, are we?

Eh?

If you say so.

Or are we, my love?

Yes, we aren't the marriage type.

That's all.

- Nata.

I'm going to charge my phone,

the battery has run out.

- Is she annoyed?

- No.

- She has outbursts.

- Yes, the sisters have a temper.

What's he doing?

This is a holdup!

Mad! I'm mad!

- You're...

You're hurting me!

Dammit.

It's me, Nata.

I knew it was you, dammit.

I saw you and I could smell you.

Dammit, look.

Well I never!

I don't understand.

Isn't this what you wanted?

- Not like this.

- How?

My love, it's okay.

How? Tell me.

As always, you're...

Not for this kind of thing...

Come on...

Hey, it's not funny, girl.

Honestly.

- No...

Alex.

Alex!

Just look at her.

If I'd known...

F***, he's cut me short.

F***!

And?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes