R.I.P.D. Page #4

---

What are you saying, that he just did

this to hide something under it?

I don't know.

But I've got

to take a look.

I was hoping I was wrong.

Really? He stole this?

Oh, God, I feel sick.

You crooked son of a b*tch. When

were you gonna tell me about this?

Put the gun down.

Shut up.

Just get it away from me.

I don't want to see it.

Don't worry.

Don't worry about a thing.

He was my best friend.

I don't even know

who he was.

Get off of me or

I'll break your legs.

Explanation, now!

We took something

from a bunch of sh*t-rats

who would have turned it into

guns or drugs or who knows what.

t was a victimless crime.

End of story.

Why would

the Deados want it?

You think Hayes and I

knew about this Deado sh*t?

t was just money to me. I was

trying to make our life better.

Well, you did a good job

of that, didn't you?

Why don't you go try

the Chinaman thing again?

Explain it to her.

That went well.

Try it again

if it makes you...

Gold's getting away.

Come on, tighten up.

My wife sees me

as a piece of sh*t.

Actually, she sees you

as an old Chinese guy.

And by the way, Grandpa

Chen's a pretty solid look.

Helps with stakeouts.

The only thing that I ever cared

about is what she thought of me.

That's all that matters.

The only thing.

What she thinks,

that's who I am.

And I blew that.

Destroyed it.

Boo-hoe.

Excuse me?

You heard me. Boo-de-hoo.

You might be the worst

person I've ever met.

Sadly, you do not get to tell

her how you did it all for her.

And where exactly do you

think your tragedy ranks

on the scales of

cosmic injustice?

Pakistan-earthquake level?

Killing Fields level?

For me, it was pretty big.

You think you're the only one

who was cut down in his prime?

You don't think

I felt unresolved

as my face was being

devoured by a buzzard?

Oh, Christ.

You are just gonna have to learn

to sit on your regret and pain

until it turns into

a dull, persistent ache.

The way I do it.

The way a man does it.

I do music videos.

Home phone number's

on the back.

Excuse me?

I'm not a piece of meat put on

this earth for your gratification.

I'm a woman.

Respect me, or I will castrate

you like a three-year-old steer.

Look sharp.

We got something.

Oh, yeah, that's a Deado.

That has got

to be Hayes' fence.

We stay on the gold.

I got this.

Hold up.

Daddy's on point.

No thanks,

I've seen you in action.

You questioning

my methods?

You don't have a method.

Excuse me, sir.

A quick word?

Freezer.

Allow me.

My bad.

Let me guess.

R.I.P.D., huh?

Great looks, man!

You, with your Panda

Express over there.

Easy with the racial.

And you,

with your...

Watch it!

...magnificent breasts.

Hey, sideburns,

tell us about the gold.

Look, we're

all friends here.

Let's help

each other out.

You don't want to getpopped,and

I don't want to pop you.

Oh, you don't?

No.

So you're just gonna give us that

case, you're gonna start talking,

and then you get to

keep roaming around

with your bitchin'

ginger sideburns.

You know what?

I'm sick of hiding.

Whoo!

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

That's better!

Hell, yeah. Let's do this!

Contain!

Contain!

Didn't contain!

Suck it.

Oh!

Straight butt!

Come on!

It's rodeo time.

Pappy's got

some roping to do!

How about a little help?

Okay-

Are you okay?

Somebody call 911!

I'm okay. Nothing to see.

Got to go!

Hey!

The head!

Aim for the head!

Still here,

you son of a b*tch!

Ow! My ass!

What is that?

Whoo-hoo!

Coming through!

Excuse me, pardon me.

Yeehaw!

Here I come!

Yeah.

Relax body.

Whoo-hoo!

Rook!

Over here!

If it's not

too much trouble.

Thank you very much.

I've never seen

one like that before.

Never!

Never before

has this happened!

Congratulations, guys, on

your unprecedented cock-up!

All right!

You let an exposed Deado loose on the

streets in the middle of the day.

You were supposed to contain.

That is your most basicjob.

There was no containing that thing. And

you failed spectacularly to contain.

He's right, sweetie pie.

It was different.

We have evidence.

You don't investigate, you don't get creative.

You do as you're told.

When you don't,

this happens.

It was terrifying.

Whatever rampaged through the streets

of Boston today was not human.

Now look where we are.

You get to deal with them.

Who in this endless stream

of freaks is "them"?

Eternal Affairs.

The hammer's dropping.

Well?

They're pissed.

Justifiably.

However, apparently, you stumbled

upon something important.

Don't act

so surprised, honey pot.

The gold that officers Pulsipher

and Walker brought in

are part of an incredibly

dangerous artifact

known as

the Staff of Jericho.

Oh, crap.

Maybe feather it in for

the new guy a little bit?

Remember the tunnel we pulled

you out of when you died?

That's the only way to get to the afterlife.

It's a one-way street.

This artifact, if built,

reverses the tunnel.

The dead rain

down on the earth.

That's it for

the living world.

Yeah, massive destruction.

We broke it to pieces 3,000 years ago.

Now it's back.

Until we get the rest of the

gold, we're on red alert.

Also, apparently, you need

"the blood of thine enemy. "

There are more diagrams.

Why?

Why would someone

make something like that?

Come on!

Here I am, willing

the streets into order,

making headway,

year after dominant year!

And now, everything I've

done is being threatened

because of some ancient

totem forged for kicks

by some a**hole

5,000 years ago?

Why even try? I mean, how

am I supposed to do it?

Look at you.

So proud of yourself.

"I got an important tube. "

What?

Well, what is it?

Actually,

it looks like

you two don't need to

concern yourselves

with the red alert.

t brings me

no pleasure

to inform you that because

of your recent epic failure,

you've both been suspended,

you're off the case.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What?

Hold on a sec,

we are the case.

We're the ones

who brought it in!

The feeling is that

luck was involved.

There'll be

a formal hearing tomorrow,

after which you'll

most likely be erased.

"Erased"?

So in this moment of crisis,

they're gonna suspend

and then erase

their best officer?

And this other guy?

Better officers

are taking over.

No such thing. Name one.

Jacobson, DuBow.

Waterson.

Come on.

Carson.

Jackson.

He's pretty good.

That guy who works

at the taco cart.

Shall I go on?

Okay, okay!

Tomorrow is my last day?

Most likely.

I'm sorry.

Well, sh*t.

Miss Proctor,

it's been a delight.

Roy, thank you very much

for your mentorship.

I'm sure

it meant a lot to you.

I got somewhere

more important to be.

Who are you?

Why are you following me?

Stay away from me.

I haven't left you.

It's me.

No.

So.

Congratulations.

You finally did it.

You get what you wanted?

I might get erased tomorrow.

What do you think I'm gonna do?

You're freaking her out,

if you haven't noticed.

I'm not from a time of

sensitivities and emotionalism.

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote