Random Tropical Paradise Page #11

Are you crying?

That's a beautiful friendship,

right there.

Okay, no. Look, I've had

enough of whatever this is.

- Time's up.

- F*** you!

F***.

Damn it!

Okay, you guys are free to go.

Yeah, it's a good job.

It's done, boss.

Good.

All right.

Look, get everybody back here.

We're leaving in about...

Two hours.

Yeah. Wait a minute. Um,

bring me back a sandwich.

I don't care.

Surprise me.

But no onions.

Where the hell is everybody?

Oh. Hey guys, let's go,

I want to get out of here.

Hey, daddy.

Oh, you want to arrest me?

Mmm-hmm.

Good.

- You have the right

to remain silent.

I've been wanting

to do this all week.

Anything you say can be used

against you in a court of law.

Careful, honey.

I got a glass chin.

Ah!

You have the right

to an attorney.

Oh baby, the things

I'm gonna do to you.

Vincent Anthony Gambazzo,

you are under arrest

for trafficking illegal

narcotics,

racketeering and

conspiracy to commit murder.

What? Ow! Hey!

Come here.

Put your hands behind your head.

What the f*** is going on?

You've got nothing on me.

- What do you do it so tight?

- Put your hands behind your back.

Does the name Colette Weller

mean anything to you?

Um, no.

How about Harry Fluder?

- Bowie Pemberton?

- Doesn't ring a bell.

Really?

'Cause that's

not what they have to say.

Never heard of us.

Really?

Beauregard, remember?

Lemon water, you thought

we were gay. Come on dude.

Oh, these guys?

No, I'm sorry, my bad.

I'm bad with names.

Yeah, I know these guys. They've

been guests on my boat.

So, you're telling me

that I'm under arrest

for killing three people

that aren't dead?

Yes, I am.

You should be indicted

for conspiring to be an idiot.

I need you to take care

of somebody for me.

Um, you know,

not my wife, just...

That one. And thanks, fellas.

You're really taking

a load off my mind.

And that's not even half of it.

And I've got it all here.

Enough to put your sad,

soft dick in prison.

Wait. How did you get

that recording?

Well, talk about blowj*bs

anywhere near a guy's dick and

I could have tattooed a

rainbow unicorn on you,

and you

never would have noticed.

Just stop me, it's a bad habit.

Oh, oh.

It's also the least thoroughly

searched area in a pat down.

All right, come

on guys. Let's go.

Hold on to me.

If I trip, I'll sue you.

Who gives a sh*t, these are

so f***ing tight.

You know what? You're all uninvited to

my party in the Hamptons, you hear me?

We also had

Vincent's phone tapped.

And we recorded this,

right after you guys left.

As soon as this two

f***-sticks are done

taking care of her,

I want you to take care of them.

No loose ends.

Whoa!

That's pretty cool.

They wanted to kill you.

Yeah, but you knew about

it so, it's all right.

The bug we had on you

only transmitted locally

so we had no idea

where they took you.

Our guys couldn't pick you up until

after you called us from the mansion,

so, how did you get

out of there?

Oh, so,

you weren't really

that careful about it.

Could have got killed.

Okay, here is what happened.

All right,

I can never remember, do we do

this like a burrito or a crepe?

What's the difference?

Well, burrito's folded

into a pocket

but stuff spills out the bottom.

Whereas, a crepe,

you just fold over

and it spills out the top.

Why don't we just roll her

up like a Taquito, then?

No, see, you're thinking

of a blintz, I think.

Ah,

maybe, maybe we'll do, oh...

Oh... maybe we'll do it

like a hot...

Hot pocket.

Kick.

Hum...

How are you doing that

with your eyes?

How are you doing

that with your arm?

I'm not sure.

Ah.

Oh.

Is that a ninja

or a samurai?

Damn it! I would have had

a really cool one liner

about how badass

that just looked

if my brain wasn't so f***ing

muddled with terror,

on account you just killed

Colette like a son of a b*tch.

Aw! Did anyone oar-Der

an ass whopping?

That would have

been perfect, damn it!

Sorry, it's

not important to what we're

talking about right now, though.

Bowie!

Why the f*** did you do that?

I was trying to buy us time.

I drugged those two a**holes, we

just needed two more minutes.

- Bowie!

- No, don't bowie me, man.

We just made up

and now I'm going to have to

f***ing testify against you in court.

They're going to say, "who was it?"

And I'm not a liar. So, I'm

gonna have to point at you

and I'm gonna have to say,

"it was f***ing Harry."

Bowie!

Holy sh*t, Colette!

You okay?

Why are you not dead?

I mean, I'm really

glad you're not dead,

but why the f***

are you not dead?

F*** squid. They are like

the a**holes of the ocean.

That's why all the deep-sea divers

had to wear those special wet suits

it had so much Chainmail

on it, it was basically...

Bullet-proof.

You knew it!

So, you're

not just like a murderer.

You should zip up your suit.

Trust me.

Okay.

This is big, Harry.

I am f***ing jacked up

right now.

You okay?

Yeah, yeah.

Good shot.

I was aiming for your leg.

Never mind.

This is great.

Isn't this great? Look around. Look

at what we did. This is so great.

Where did you get the drugs?

Oh, dude.

It was Kenny.

Guys!

Kenny!

Kenny!

Kenny!

Good to see Kenny!

Kenny, we're in trouble,

do you have mints?

- Back pocket.

- Oh, Kenny!

- Hi, hi. Hi.

- Kenny!

Here. Water for the gentlemen.

Important to stay hydrated.

Ow, ow, gentle, gentle!

Oh, god.

I can't believe you

f***ing did it, man.

Yeah, yeah, can we just

get out of here? -Wait.

I have an idea.

Is this really necessary?

Told you I wouldn't be

caught dead in those clothes.

Watch you head, Colette.

Son of a...

It's done, boss.

Scientifically speaking,

what we did is called

crocodile Dundee ii -ing.

This is where he switches

clothes with the bad guy

so that the other bad guys shoot

their boss instead of him.

Wow!

I've got to say, I'm...

I'm impressed.

What do you say, like,

maybe when we get

back to the mainland

go on like, a date?

You seem like a pretty nice guy.

I know, thanks.

So, how should I put this?

Um... mmm!

- You see that, right there?

- Yeah.

I'd rather shove that up my

ass and pull it out my vagina

than do anything with you.

Whoa!

What a Grosso!

What a f***in' nut!

Did you hear that?

Oh yeah, we heard all that.

Oh my god, man.

I think I'm in love, I bet

she's into some weird sh*t.

Wait! Hold on! I love you!

Match made in heaven.

Well, um,

it was really great meeting you.

Thanks for shooting me.

You're welcome.

Now, if you ask me if I've ever killed

someone, I can say that I tried.

Yeah, how about next time,

we overthrow a dictator.

Or, yeah, we could stop

a bank robbery.

Yeah.

Or just play it by ear.

That would really mess

with my plans.

Hey! Where are

you going? Freeze!

I'll get you, you b*tch.

Whoa!

Oh no!

Was that the first time

you guys were gonna...

I ruined it.

Sh*t!

Okay, well, keep

going and all that.

You guys are cute!

Hi.

- Help, help.

- All right, I got you.

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