Range 15 Page #5

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The zombies are gaining speed.

They could overtake our

vehicles if we're not careful.

According to his Intel,

they're getting close.

- Wait, you have a

sat phone in your car?

- I got the 2018

Lebronze in there.

They give hand in

hand everything.

- F***.

- The colonel says

there's a helicopter pad

about 26 miles from here

that he wants us to get to

so we're not on the road.

Change of plans,

change of pants.

- Okay, so you want us

to follow behind you?

- Yes, but I'll be on foot.

Can you take the whiskey?

- What the f***?

- I need you to take

the whiskey, dick

and hold it with two hands.

Can you handle that

soldier of fortune.

- I've got the whiskey.

- Someone has to protect us.

There's god,

then there's me.

God must be busy.

Lucky for, I don't

take Sundays off.

- Bro, that's gonna

be my next tattoo.

- I feel like I'm at the alter

and Jesus is packing.

- This is all so f***ing stupid.

Why doesn't one of

us man the 50 Cal

while you drive?

- For the same reason I

baptized myself as a baby.

No one guards Gene Vandenham

but Gene Vandenham.

Take the whiskey and be grateful

I am who I am.

- Bro, 26 miles is

an entire marathon.

- I know, I ran Boston last year

and won 46 full kits

setting a new world record.

Try and keep up.

- What the f*** ever, Gene.

- F***ing Gene Vandenham.

- F***ing got it.

- F***ing Gene Vandenham.

- You all still realize how

ridiculously stupid this is?

It has nothing to

do with necessity,

just his own glory, right?

- Sure man

but look at that guy.

He's a one man killing machine.

I bet he even nukes those

two toddlers over there.

- No Gene, don't kill

the zombie toddlers!

- Their mission

has been aborted!

- Seriously hope he

steps on a land mine,

like five of them.

- Go, go, go!

I'll cover you.

- Gene, you're coming with us!

- Negative, no room.

Freedom is calling

and I have to answer.

- There is literally an

empty seat designated

for you, Gene.

- No offense, but

there's an empty seat

in every single plane in

the United States designated

for me.

Just remember,

when you turn back

and see only one set of

footprints in the sand.

It was then, that I carried you.

- Wheels up.

F*** that dude.

Good luck getting out

of this one, Gene,

you cock tart!

- I got it!

- That is what Gene

Vandenham does.

He is the only American hero.

God damn!

Why are we going to range 15?

That place is probably

full of em by now.

- Number one, that's

where the scientists are

and we have the cure.

- What's number two?

- Pooping, pooping

is number two.

- It's like every time

I try and like you,

I just can't.

- There is no

number two, Grigsby.

If we don't achieve

number one, we die.

- Please refrain.

- You know how hard that is?

- Let him say it.

- Come on, dude.

- You're killing his spirit.

- I'm gonna kill his

f***ing microphone.

- I can't believe it.

We're actually gonna make it.

- You f*** bag,

you just jinxed us.

- What?

No I didn't.

- Yeah dude, you did.

- That could give us

five seconds, rain man.

- Hey you feeling

alright up there, man?

You sure you didn't get bit?

- Yeah I did, right

before you guys showed up.

I can feel it

growing inside of me.

This is my last mission.

I just have one request,

if any of you make it,

go find my girlfriend,

she lives in El Paso.

Tell her I love her.

- Let's be realistic,

she's probably dead.

- What?

- I mean, come on,

it's the end of the world

with a bunch of bad

asses barely making it.

A hot girl in El Paso?

She's zombie sh*t by now.

Wait, do zombies sh*t?

- Rocco, shut the f*** up!

- I'm just being honest.

- He's right.

She's dead and I'm bit.

There's nothing to live for.

Your names JT, right?

Will you hold this?

You're up.

- We literally just told him

we have the f***ing cure.

- We're gonna f***ing die!

- F*** me.

- I'll save us.

- You're not gonna

save us, fat boy,

you're probably gonna take

this whole plane down.

- I'm learning to fly

but I ain't got wings.

- We're all gonna die

because of your fat ass.

You fat, fat, fatty f***!

I can't even f***ing

believe how fat you are!

- Hey, I saved us.

- F***, f***

the f***ing whiskey.

- How many are left?

- Are you f***ing kidding me?

Two.

- Two, two f***ing bottles?

God damn it!

- Shut the f***,

can we get the cure

and keep f***ing moving?

I'd rather have us f***ing

carry it, you know?

- Bro, I got to take

a tactical sh*t dot come.

- Shut the f*** up and let's go.

- We got to get into

one of these neighborhoods.

- I want my mommy.

- Salutations, do

you guys like jazz?

- You truly cannot

really enjoy it

unless it's on vinyl.

- That's right.

- What the f***?

F*** this, next house.

- F*** this.

- Hey wait, wait.

You guys got any

supplies we can have?

- I got something that

will make your mustache

stand up.

Holy sh*t.

An anti gun family that

decided to off themselves

before they got infected.

- How does that 2nd

amendment taste now?

- Everybody hates

guns until you have

to choke f*** yourself to

death with a hot curling iron.

Touche.

- Hey YouTube, this is

Chazz and Parker again

and on today's episode,

we're just ticked.

- Ticked, ticked.

You tell em, Chazz.

- I'm just gonna

unzip my zip here,

whip put my wee wee and

piss on these flags.

- There's gonna be 14

stripes when we're done.

- What the f*** is this?

- Oh hell no.

Back the f*** up.

- Baby killers.

- With great vengeance

- and furious anger.

- Hey, are you guys here

for the?

- After, we're gonna have an

organic Paleo kelp quiche.

- No, no, we're good bro.

- Okay, I'll eat all myself.

- I'm gonna keep working out.

- I'll never get fat.

- Hey man, you doing alright?

- Everyone's counting

on me for everything.

I'm not their leader.

I'm not a leader, I'm not

and to be completely

honest with you dude,

I don't think I can

do this sh*t anymore.

- I know the weight of the

world is on your shoulders

right now but it's

there for a reason.

Most people quit the

second things get hard.

You don't.

The annals of history

are written on the backs

of men like you.

Men, who when faced

with overwhelming odds,

when they reached

their breaking point,

looked into the bowels

of hell and smiled.

Men who answered the

bell for one more round.

You're one of those men.

We can do this, we

can rise up against

the impossible and

we can save the world

but we cannot do without you.

We need mat best.

Oh god damn it!

- Got you mother f***er.

- F***.

- Great west point speech, bro.

- F*** off.

- Did you just come

up with that sh*t

on the spot or what?

- It's what we do.

- Alright, bring it

in, sister to sister,

mother to daughter.

- You son of...

- You guys do some gay ass

sh*t for being in the military.

- It's Thursday isn't it?

- I f***ing hate you.

- It's a love

hate relationship, Nick.

- It's a hate hate relationship.

I f***ing hate you.

- There she is, boys.

- That's range 15?

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