Recep Ivedik 2 Page #2

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Now you ask, huh?

Let me see how much my boss ripped you off by...

28.70 but for you it's only 14.35.

And why's that?

Well, when I was coming in, you know,

it smelled so good.

And you know I couldn't help myself.

Because I'm a small guy I got scared

when I opened the pizza.

I swear I haven't touched yours,

I just ate the one that comes free in the promo.

That won't do.

I want another one.

Listen friend.

This is my first delivery,

you're not going to make a fool out of me, ok?

Go, eat it if you want. I don't want that,

I want you to bring me an entire pizza.

What, is this half a pizza then?

And what will you do with an entire pizza?

Look at you, you're overeating anyway!

You look like a bear.

What's wrong with

sharing one with me?

Besides, I only brought one pizza.

It's the other one in the promo that I ate.

What's your problem?

Come on, tell me,

what's your problem, huh?

Is it because you're fatter than you are

selfish?

What's wrong with sharing your

pizza with me?.

God Almighty...

Obviously it's because you're so stingy

you ended up weighing a tonne.

Even if you stopped eating for

three months you wouldn't die.

Don't bother giving me the money.

Curse you, you fat, selfish, stingy bastard!

Don't worry about paying, you dirty,

selfish cheapskate.

A selfish cheapskate who doesn't share.

Bastard!

What, are you crazy or something? Is this

how we treat our customers?

What's more,

you ate the guy's pizzas!

But I needed to eat,

did you want me to die?

You're a funny guy.

The man wanted to make a formal complaint.

I had such difficulty dissuading him.

Boo hoo, I'm scared,

I'm pissing myself scared.

I'm firing you.

Hand in your uniform and get out.

F*** you, I quit.

Here, take this.

I'll have it.

Here's your machine. Whoops, it fell

out of my hands.

- I'll take that.

- Take your pizza as well.

- And take your helmet too.

- Go away, scram!

What kind of guy are you?

F*** off!

- I'm going to break your mouth.

- Get out of here!

Come my friends, get in single file.

This way my dear.

Now everyone put your hand on the

shoulder of the person in front.

Oy put your hand up, redhead.

Put your hand there.

Good, now you'll stay

in single file. Like a train.

This is Cash Express here.

Just like the Anatolia Express,

I want to see all of you.

Hey, be disciplined.

Look at that, too many calories.

Yes, unfortunately.

After you eat that like an ogre

you won't be able to get yourself up.

Sit in your armchair all day, and wonder

why you weigh a hundred kilos?

Today I get a bunch of donkeys.

What can I do?

Take your bags, give me the money.

You fat b*tch.

You gave me too much, take the extra.

I know what I gave.

Okay, I'll put your change

in the tip-box.

Your salt! You forgot your salt.

In the evening, your husband will say

the food has no salt, go away.

Welcome.

Ah grape molasses, eh? Tahini, eh

big boy? Very good.

Motex love... Well, well big boy.

Some man on man action tonight or what?

Where is my squirrel?

Where is my caterpillar?

You're having a mixed salad

this evening? There's a match tonight, huh?

You'll be smuggling some meat tonight?

What meat smuggling?

Yes, you've taken extra large as well.

Isn't this too big for you now?

I heard you had a tiny willy.

Isn't it going to be too big for you?

If not, you could wear it on your body instead.[Laughs]

I'd better pay and go quickly.

Ha, he says he's got a match tonight.

That's 10.70.

But I'll charge you 20.70.

Go on, get out you rascal.

He's having a melee tonight.

Listen, don't use the

menthol flavour, it burns.

And keep your strength up in your dick.

Like that.

[Makes motor sounds] Like an engine.

Ok big boy? Tatak tatak.

Bravo to you.

He lives in my neighbourhood.

He didn't go into puberty until the age of 27.

At 25 he didn't even have a single hair

under his arms, the idiot.

He buys 3-4 packets every day.

You ask him what he does with them?

You ask him, is there a girl? No.

What he does with all those,

I don't know. Probably makes them into balloons

and launches them.

Pear, banana, avocado, aubergine.

Hey, young man.

Yes boss.

Since this morning, all I've got are

complaints about you.

Really?

What complaints?

About everything. Heck, someone even wanted

to beat you up.

Go on, get out of here quick,

and hand in your ID.

I'm firing you, get out.

Listen, it's me who's resigning, ok?

For God's sake... Go on, hurry up.

Go on? Go on?

I'm gonna stuff this leek down your throat.

- F*** you!.

- I'll make you eat this leek.

F*** off out of here, you mental case.

I've never seen such a headcase in my life,

what a nutter!.

Finally, when the guy told me

to hurry and all that...

...that made me mad, so I handed in

my resignation, and I left.

Lord Almighty, as if they'll eat up your resignation.

You resign and feel so proud of yourself.

Do you know what you've done?

I'd rather not say what I think of you right now...

I won't let them trample on

my honour and my pride like that, ok?

If you had any honour

or pride you'd still be working.

Alright then, tomorrow I'll try

the medical sector.

Ah yes, you try that.

And see if you can kill anyone while you're at it.

Go on, get out.

Actually, come, let's play a match.

I need to f*** you up at PES

to get you thinking..

At PES?

Come, get up.

You look very sure of yourself.

I am very sure of myself.

I'll give you a thrashing.

Come on then, we'll see who beats who.

Oy, don't put that there!

What does it matter?

How many times have I told you

to never touch that?

That's my precious trunk you're sitting on again,

it's more valuable than you are.

Good God, look at that

you made me spill my soup!

I will kill you, don't do that.

My God, what a tackle, you f***ed me over there,

look at that.

I'm gonna waste you.

Go on, start.

Who shall I play with,

which team is that?

You're gonna be Inter?

Good morning.

My God! An enormous buffalo!.

Oh excuse me,

I panicked a bit.

What do you have?

Are you pregnant?

Was it external fertilisation,

what is it?

I'm constipated.

- Since when?

- 7-8, maybe 9 days.

I can't imagine

the state of your bowels!

The smell, the excess gas!.

The stench, it flows through everything.

My stomach is gone!

You've caught a viral trend.

It must be chronic diarrhoea...

Ah, you're panicking, as well you might.

It's a very painful disease.

Look, first the vessels of the

umbilical partition will die...

...and then through that hole they call the umbilicus,

your faeces will emerge...

...that's advanced medical language-

you will better know it as 'sh*t'...

It will all flow out onto your bed,

like so.

I will recommend

an alternative medicine.

Rectal suppository! It's a good alternative.

You know how to use it?

I know.

Let me explain, so that

everything is perfectly clear.

Everything should be clear to the patient.

If not, we'll end up with people trying

to swallow it with water. Now pay attention

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