Reckless Kelly Page #3

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you lost your job.

Well...

I wasn't cut out for banking anyway.

Maybe it was the best thing

that could have happened.

Hmm.

Looks like we're heading

to the same place.

Uh... no. No, um,

I'm changing planes in

LA, going on to England.

I'm auditioning for a new drama school

at Stratford-upon-avon.

Are you an actress?

Well... someday.

Got a boyfriend?

Um, over the past few years,

spending every night with

Shakespeare for me was Norm.

Norm who?

Get your motor runnin'

Get out on the highway

Lookin' for adventure

And whatever comes our way

In the town they call the big apple

Take the world in a love embrace...

Hey! Wrong way, buddy!

Watch out!

You're on the wrong

side of the road!

We were born, born to be wild

We hit town so hard...

Excuse me.

I'm looking for Hollywood.

There's a sign.

It is written.

Born to be wild

Born to be wild

We got you surrounded!

Aah!

Drop the money, lady!

I'll cover you. Get on.

I'm not getting on that thing.

It's filthy.

Hey. That money's not real.

And that bank's not real.

Hang on.

I know who you are.

You're the Hollywood Outlaw!

Cut it, Lyle.

Cut!

Sorry. We'll have to

go again, everybody.

Can I...

have your autograph?

Mr. Delance!

I'm sorry, Chuck.

I have no idea how this happened.

Wait a minute.

You're a bloke.

Get those camera ready?

Rocket-head here rides up

and says, "Get on the bike."

Well, I'm an actor,

and that's a stuntman's job.

Hey. We'll shoot it over.

You're looking great, Chuck.

I can't perform anymore.

I'm just too upset.

Oh, for crying out loud.

I don't care who your agent is.

I'll see that you never work

in this town again.

Who is this guy, anyway,

Tin Man from The Wizard of OZ?

The name's Kelly.

Ned Kelly.

I thought I must have

landed on another planet.

Banks weren't banks,

money wasn't money,

and my favorite actress

turned out to be a man.

To save Reckless Island,

I needed to find a real bank, and fast.

You're tormented by

the futility of life

But I can see the stars

From a million miles

Are you out there somewhere?

Hey, man, where'd you

get that pile of junk?

Check out the metal-head.

What are you, undercover cop?

Bank robber.

All right.

Ahem.

Good evening!

How may we help you... Masked Man?

Well, if you're the loan arranger,

just hand over a million bucks.

You're more than welcome

to what we've got.

We've got a weird one

holding up the Hollywood friendly bank.

Throw it up on the big screen.

That's him.

But be very careful, Lieutenant.

The most dangerous place on Earth

is between Ned Kelly

and a bag of money.

Would you like a line of credit?

A credit account?

Credit card?

Cash.

Please, fill out this application form.

What for?

We don't get much call for cash.

We have to order some.

Sure I can't fix you up with plastic?

Sam, your dinner's ready.

But, Mom, it's a total fiasco.

This is where he shoots the guns

out fo the actors' hands,

with real bullets, for God's sake.

Those cops are supposed to be winning.

Look at that jerk.

He's ruined the Climax.

He screwed up the movie.

I like him.

What?

He's a damn sight better.

Than those ham actors you hire.

Get a load of Chuck.

Mr. Delance!

Are you sure this gentleman

is doing an unrehearsed performance?

Absolutely.

He's an animal.

That's what I thought.

You better sign him up.

Sign him up?

Of course. What did

you say his name was?

Uh... Kelly. Fred Kelly.

No, no, no. Ned Kelly.

Kelly. One of the great

show business names.

Gene Kelly, Grace Kelly.

No kidding.

I'd better find this guy

before some other studio nabs him.

How'd the bank robbery go?

He signed you up for

a credit card, right?

Right.

Listen, man,

I'll give you some free advice.

Forget that bank-robbing gig.

The best way to get rich quick

is do what all the

smart people are doing.

You got to get yourself into...

the entertainment business!

Ned, baby!

In Hollywood, you'll steal the show

It's not what you do,

it's who you know

The girls, the bucks,

you'll have 'em all

When you're a star,

they'll return your call

If you can just handle the fame

Ned Kelly will be a household name

You'll be riding in your limo

You'll be flying in your jet

Your name up in lights,

your foot's in cement

Jeepers, it's the cops.

We'll trim your nose,

we'll lift your butt

If you turn to flab, we'll liposuck

Officers, ready to fire.

If you can just handle the fame

Ned Kelly

Will be a household

Son of a gun lovin', fun lovin'

Bike ridin'

Bike ridin'... heartbreaker

Big faker

Ned Kelly

Will be a household name

Nice jacket.

You're under arrest.

Hand over the guns, buddy,

or you'll be wearing metal

inside your head.

Hey, cop, America's a free country.

Every person has the

right to bear arms.

Yeah.

You're about to be shot dead

on Nationwide television.

No TV network would stoop so low.

Welcome to News Kill, live.

I'm here on Hollywood Boulevard,

where some wacko with

a trash can on his head

is about to be blasted to

pieces by the Hollywood police,

right before your very eyes.

OK, men, don't take any chances.

Put two bullets apiece in his head,

then we'll break for doughnuts.

Hey, what's the problem, Officer?

This guy's an

international bank robber.

He's not a bank robber.

He's an actor.

Huh?

An actor?

OK, boys, he's just an actor.

Let's go.

An actor?

That's right. And legally,

Hollywood police can't shoot actors.

If the police start shooting actors,

then the studios will close down.

If that happens,

there's no more movies.

With no more movies,

people have got nothing to believe in.

Everyone gets depressed,

no one goes to work,

and the economy collapses.

Yes, yes. That's very sad.

Now find me some people

who can shoot actors.

I had to admit

that as an international bank robber,

I'd been a failure.

The only way to save the island now

was to pretend I was an actor.

Ned,

delance pictures is

into action movies--

you know, macho heroes, sex, violence.

High turnover.

Big profits.

The quality of our movies is so high

that they bypass the

theaters completely

and go straight to video.

Wow!

Do you want to know the secret

to making big money in video rental?

The answer is one word--

guns.

You see, guns aren't just guns.

They're a...

Phallic symbol.

Yeah.

The bigger the gun,

the bigger the profit.

Now, I know what you're thinking.

Let me tell you what you're thinking.

You're thinking, how will

I turn a nobody like you

into a big star?

Well, it's simple.

We're going to build you

the biggest goddamn

gun in Hollywood.

But, Sam, aren't you

forgetting something?

Over 60% of video renters are women.

Mom's right.

What the heck do the

women want to see?

Women want a love story.

A love story...

with a big gun.

Brilliant.

It's got everything.

Ned, to be a movie star here,

you have to talk like an american.

For a million bucks,

I'll talk like a martian.

A million bucks?

Hmm.

Tell you what I'll do.

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