Red Garters Page #2

That Carberry sure enough

plays the field, doesn't he?

You notice he didn't tip his hat, though.

Look, you.

Out here we've got a triple standard.

Like Jason said, there are two kinds

of women but only one kind of man.

Very convenient for men.

-Yes, ma'am, it sure is.

-Well, it's been nice.

You'll be moving on soon,

won't you? I hope.

What's the matter, ma'am?

You afraid Carberry might do something

to make me shoot him?

As a matter of fact, yes.

But I wouldn't like it even if he shot you.

There's been too much shooting hereabouts.

-Appears to me like you're interested in him.

-Interested!

He's as phony as a Chinese faro deck.

Why, the hand he tips his hat with

never knows...

what the other one's doing and....

I'd die before I'd let him know it,

but I'm in love with him.

The big flirting, strutting fathead!

You know, you could be doing both of us

a mighty big favor...

if you'd get out of town

before it's too late, mister.

Sure like to accommodate you, ma'am,

but I just can't.

I should've known better

than to try to talk sense to a man.

Men

A man is stubborn as a mule

He don't learn half enough in school

The only thing that drives him is his ego

A woman likes to criticize

She wants to dominate the guys

If she were smart she'd be a man's amigo

Man and woman

Day and night

They always try

to make the other see the light

A man don't know what's good for him

A gal jumps in where she can't swim

Same old thing wherever he and she go

Man and woman

Friend and foe

They're just as far apart as yes and no

Women

They like to spend all we can spare

The woman only wants her share

But to her that's just an appetizer

The woman knows how things should be

Then why ask us if we agree?

To build you up

we make you think you're wiser

Man and woman

Jack and Jill

They blame each other

when they tumble down the hill

Why, a man don't know the mess he makes

A woman never makes mistakes?

Her worst mistake is letting him advise her

Man and woman

Duck and drake

They each think

they're the icing on the cake

Men

Women

You bite off more than you can chew

Why, there ain't a thing a man can't do

I'd like to see you try to be a mother

Okay, be a mother sure you can

But just try to be one without a man

The husband is the better half

When I hear that I have to laugh

But the husband is the family head

The wife can kick him out of bed

A woman likes to flaunt her shape

A man is nothing but an ape

I get my way by acting tough

I drop my neckline just enough.

Man and woman

Sharp and flat

They never seem to get along

Even when they're right, they're wrong

Man and woman

Dog and cat

They never think alike and that is that

That's that

Calaveras, I was just fixing

to go get the food.

I noticed you picked up a couple of dishes.

Now, I was waiting for you.

Listen, you're fussing at me,

where's that stranger?

He's probably off somewhere

minding his own business.

-Why don't you do the same?

-What do you mean?

I'm getting sick and tired of you

starting fights over Susana.

It's time you realized

that anything a man tries to do to her...

-that she can't talk him out of or run away--

-Calaveras.

That's a mighty delicate subject.

It might be delicate to you,

but to most women it's just shoptalk.

Incidentally, what were you doing

with the Dorgan Sisters, talking shop?

No, just talking.

-Jason, will you do me one great big favor?

-Anything you want, darling.

Please don't get yourself shot today.

I can't stand loud noises.

You got no cause to talk to me that way.

I'll go get the food.

You know, ma'am, looking at you

is like listening to a violin.

-Why, the music has stopped.

-No, ma'am, you're wrong. It'll never stop.

I'll hear it the rest of my life.

Maybe you are right.

It seems I can still hear it, too.

-I got to go now.

-Where you going?

I wouldn't try to follow her

if I were you, stranger.

Why, that's just plain silly.

If you were me, mister, you'd do

just what I'm gonna do. Follow her.

I'm warning you. Keep away from Susana.

Unless you've got a better argument

than you've produced so far, Carberry...

-you'd better stand aside.

-All right, stranger, you asked for it.

You seem to be having trouble

finding your six-gun, mister.

Like to use mine?

Congratulations.

That's the fastest draw I ever saw.

But I'm still warning you.

Keep away from my ward.

-Your ward?

-That's right, my ward.

She was orphaned as a child...

and since then I've been

her legal guardian and protector.

I sure am glad

you didn't make me kill you, Carberry.

She never would have forgiven me.

Then you admit I got a right to find out

what your interest in Susana is.

Interest! Why, man, it's a darn sight more

than just plain interest.

I've been in love with that gal

for the best two hours of my life.

-And I darn near killed you.

-Yeah.

Boy.

You see, Susana's led

a very sheltered existence.

She was brought up to be a lady.

A species of female

which I doubt seriously...

you've ever encountered

in any great numbers before.

That's right.

So, as her guardian, stranger...

what would you do if some brawling,

uncurried, gun-slinging saddle-tramp...

came to town

and tried to promote an affair...

which might wreck her life

and break her heart?

Why, I'd kill the son of a gun.

Looks like we've reached an agreement.

Looks like.

-Congratulations, my friend.

-For what?

-Congratulations, my friend.

-For what?

You are one of the only two men now

living who ever outdrew Jason Carberry.

I have the honor to be the other one.

I am Rafael Moreno, at your service.

Glad to know you.

What was Carberry's reason

for trying to shoot you?

Senor, I had wished only to congratulate

you on your success with Carberry...

not to discuss personal matters, amigo.

If I remember, Rafael, I didn't ask you

to discuss anything with me.

Might be you wouldn't

talk so tall, stranger...

if you knew

who this Rafael Moreno really is.

He can shoot the eye out

of a ground squirrel at 50 yards...

and have his gun back

in the holster before it stumbles.

On top of that, he is the greatest barroom

fighter in these here parts...

and I got money which says you don't

belong in the same saloon with him.

Hey, let's get up to the saloon.

Ain't no time for that,

you might change your minds.

Come on, let's do it here, right now!

Get ourselves a toe line made here. Yes, sir.

Are the contestants ready?

All right, come up to toe.

You're first. Ready!

Go.

One, two, three, four....

One, two. Get up, boy. Three, four....

One, two, three, four....

One, two...

three. Get up, boy.

Come on. Steady, boy, steady.

Disgusting.

Senorita, I agree with you,

but it is the best I could do.

My amigo.

You sure enough surprised me, Rafael.

You're almost

as good as Billy Buckett said you were.

And you are almost as good

as you think you are.

Greetings, strangers.

Welcome to our community.

I'm Jason Carberry, at your service.

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