Relative Evil Page #2

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on his 10th birthday party.

(Bull)

Hey!

No smoking

in my house.

(Dot)

Okay.

Okay.

He was sick,

and now he's healing.

After the healing

comes repentance,

and after repentance,

maybe--

Aw, cut the sh*t, Ernie.

Bull,

you gotta know

when to fold 'em.

Ship's sinking

and the lifeboat's full.

Right now there's room for you,

there's room for Phyllis,

and there's room

for Benji.

No more.

It's about

responsibility.

Seems to me

you and Ernie managed

to climb your way

aboard my boat too.

(Dot)

Hey,

it's your boy

who cost my Ernie

his job.

Aw, Dot, let's not--

(Bull)

Been two years,

Uncle Ernie.

Two years you've been

sticking me,

but let me tell you

who else I got in my lifeboat.

I got Phyllis' own

Perry Mason in one pocket,

acting like he did me

some kind of favor

by getting the boy off

with juvenile detention

and a $15,000 fine.

I got the vice president

of Bloodsuckers,

Incorporated,

suing me

for everything short

of the drink he spilled

all over himself

during the collision.

And to top it off,

I get a bill

from the county charging me

with $1,800 plus man-hours

to fix

the f***ing guardrail.

I'll fix

the f***ing guardrail.

My Monte Carlo would make

a good f***ing guardrail.

But that's

just what I'm saying.

You think you got

a lot of troubles now?

Wait till

he kills somebody.

He may as well have

killed Ernie.

Once a proud,

determined--

Pensioned,

insured--

government servant.

I had security, Bull.

We all did.

After two divorces, I finally

believed I found my brick house.

I found

my third little pig,

and his name was Ernie.

Aw, Dot.

But JJ huffed

and he puffed,

and look what's left:

The Carpet Warehouse.

We're too old

to be wondering

where our next meal

is coming from, Bull.

My poor little Ernie,

crawling home after

an eight-hour minimum-wage day,

covered with lint.

How many carpet-munching jokes

can one woman endure?

You said

you'd talk to him, Ernie.

Well, we--we did talk.

Yeah, we've been talking

about how supportive you

and Ernie are planning to be.

Now, what are you

talking about?

I'm talking about this.

You believe in me,

right, Doc?

Oh, it doesn't matter

what I believe, JJ.

Your faith

is what's important.

And just remember,

I'm just

a phone call away.

And then?

Oh, I've been in and out

of the lives of families

for 20 years, JJ,

and you've got some good people

playing on your side.

It's an insurance policy--

of JJ.

$75,000.

A life insurance policy

on my boy?

(Dot)

No, I just had one

drawn up.

I think it's important

for us to recognize

that these programs

are not always successful.

I always knew you liked

to pick at corpses, Dot.

Stealing watches

off dead soldiers, huh?

This isn't easy

to talk about, Bull.

I know.

Make yourself a drink.

Come on.

Fix one for Phyllis too.

I'm sure she'd like

to toast her sister-in-law.

This has nothing to do

with Phyllis.

Except that it's her boy

you wanna knock off.

Yeah, well, it's your ass

I'm covering.

It's your family's ass,

in case next time,

the boy ain't so lucky.

Everyone choose

hiding places, okay?

Oh!

[fire alarm beeping]

(Dot)

JJ turns 18

in a month.

That means for the next

33 days,

you have absolute

power of attorney

over all matters

pertaining to JJ.

Once he turns 18,

his compliance is required,

but for now...

He doesn't

have to know.

I know;

I know.

That's right.

It's about

responsibility.

Think about Benji.

He's paid enough.

This whole

goddamn family's paid enough.

Yeah.

It's not like

we're out to get the boy.

It's--it's simply--

An investment.

Investment.

Maybe we could drive

around the block a couple times?

Oh, JJ,

it's time to go home.

It's time

for the healing to begin.

[pensive music]

(Dot)

All right, all right,

50-50.

$37,500 for you.

$37,500 for me--

and Ernie.

You wouldn't be

rigging the game now,

would you, Dot?

You don't think

I'd deliberately--

I want that boy playing

on an even field.

We're just watching

from the sidelines, right?

This is

just about JJ.

Say it!

This is just about JJ.

Now, for the family,

will you please sign

on the f***ing dots?

What's the harm?

What's the harm?

What's the harm?

[footsteps rapidly

approaching]

(Phyllis)

He's here!

Hide, hide!

Everybody hide!

Benji, Benji,

hide, okay?

[high-pitched squealing]

He's here!

Surprise!

JJ, sweetie!

[weeping]

Oh, did you get

the magazines?

I didn't know what kind

of magazines to get you.

I wasn't sure

what you like to do,

aside from drugs.

Would you like

some punch, sweetie?

(Dot)

JJ.

(JJ)

Hey, Dot.

You're

looking good, fella.

You were looking

like a mummy there earlier,

but now--

yes, sir, now...

Oh, you remember

Dr. Charlie from the clinic?

Mrs. White,

wonderful to see you again.

(Phyllis)

Oh, thank you,

Doctor.

Oh, this--this is

JJ's father, Bull.

Hi.

(Phyllis)

Benji

and Ernie.

(Dr. Charlie)

Yes, yes, a pleasure.

(Phyllis)

And Dot.

Dot, good

to see you again.

(Ernie)

You know each other?

(Dot)

Oh, yeah, well,

some of us visited

on visiting day.

Well, it's nice to finally

meet JJ's enablers.

What?

It's a joke.

Mrs. White, I want to thank you

for the magazines.

JJ graciously donated them

to the center.

You said that we should try

to get him interested

in something

outdoorsy.

Like smoking pot?

(Phyllis)

I wish I could offer you

some cake,

but it's kind of

on fire.

Um, would you like

a bowl of cereal?

No, no.

It's easy.

Are you sure?

I'm sure.

No, I really

just popped in

to deliver

the goods.

And with the weather

as it is...

You're not the same child

who left here, eh?

One day

at a time, JJ.

It just gets easier.

Nice to have met

all of you.

[wind whistling]

[car door shutting]

[engine starting]

(Ernie)

Not a drink in six months.

That's inner strength.

That comes

from the inside.

Yes, sir.

You must miss it,

though, sweetheart.

It was such

a big part of your life,

all of our lives.

It's--it's okay.

You must think

about it, though.

Sure, but it--it's not really

a question anymore.

'Cause it was

fun, right?

Fun.

It's okay.

(Ernie)

Well, shoot, Dot,

we better be

motoring ourselves,

before it gets

too heavy out there.

Weather, huh?

Sure is funny.

It was good

to see you again, JJ.

Thanks.

Yep, bye, sport.

Can't tell you

how good you're looking, huh?

See you, sis.

(Phyllis)

Thanks for coming, guys.

Now, you be careful,

all right?

All right,

drive careful.

[door closing]

Did Lizzie call?

Lizzie?

Uh, uh, no, honey,

but Bobby Raven's

been calling all week.

In fact, he was supposed

to be here for the party.

Bobby coming here?

(Phyllis)

You know,

he seemed real excited

to see you.

I bet.

You started

smoking?

Ma, I spent

the last six months

detoxing in a ward

with 60 cocaine junkies

and a ping-pong

table.

All right, you got

to understand,

it got a little tense

in there.

But I'm a nurse,

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