Religulous Page #2

- Yes, real Satanism.

Being addicted to drugs,

and running prostitutes

and the women

and everything that goes with that.

I walked around with rolls

of money in my pocket.

I gave all that up

when I got saved.

When the guy said,

"Yeah, I used to do drugs.

I used to have women,"

and I'm thinking,

- "And your problem was?"

- Right.

Let me ask you this question:

What if we're right

and you're wrong?

We gonna make it

and you ain't.

If you're being good

just to save your ass

just because,

"Ooh, they might be right

and I just want

to double down here

and make sure that

when I get up to the pearly gates,

that St. Peter doesn't say to me,

'Sorry, a**hole,

you had the wrong religion.

Enjoy Hell, buh-bye."'

That's not a good reason,

and you know that.

Come on, believe in Jesus.

What do you have to lose?

It's like the lotto.

You can't get saved

if you don't play.

Yeah, you could be right.

I don't think it's very likely,

but, yes, you could be right,

because my big thing is I don't know.

That's what I preach.

I preach the gospel

of I don't know!

I mean that's what

I'm here promoting... doubt.

- That's my product.

- Right.

The other guys are

selling certainty, not me.

I'm on the corner

with doubt.

So, Dr. Collins,

you are a brilliant

brilliant scientist,

the head

of the Human Genome Project.

Now here's what's

so puzzling is that you are

the one scientist...

the one famous scientist anyway...

who's also religious.

Explain that to me.

I would argue that

if you look at the evidence,

the historical evidence

of Christ's existence is overwhelming.

What evidence?

I mean, I've never even heard

anyone propose that there's evidence.

There's been proof

that there's a Jesus.

- That's been proven.

- That hasn't been proven.

How you figure that one?

When I read the New Testament,

it reads to me

as the record of eyewitnesses

who put down what they saw.

You know

they weren't eyewitnesses.

- They were close to that.

- No.

Within a couple

of decades of eyewitnesses.

- Okay.

- Would that stand up in a laboratory

as absolute foolproof evidence

that something happened?

You are setting up

a standard for proof

that I think would really be

an almost impossible standard to meet.

No gospel tells us what he was

doing when he was a young man.

You know,

we see Jesus as an infant

and then we kind of pick up

the story when he's 30.

I think Jesus was probably

an awkward teenager...

big Jewfro,

bad at sports.

Here I am!

The records we have

are all gospels.

Gospels are not history.

Gospel writers never met Jesus,

neither did St. Paul.

No one who wrote

about Jesus ever met him.

How can you go back

into the prophets

and the prophets specifically

specifies that certain things...

Well, first of all,

the New Testament came after

the Old Testament. We agree to that?

I agree to that,

but that doesn't mean anything.

All it means is the people that

wrote the New Testament

read the Old Testament

and then made the prophesies fit.

They can't make it fit

if something didn't happen.

Of course they can.

Then you're saying

the Bible is fictitious?

- I am.

- Can't be.

I am.

We do all know that

those texts don't match.

Yeah, sure.

Would you expect them to?

I'm surprised that things

that are very important to the story

like the virgin birth

isn't in all four of them.

Wouldn't you really expect

that kind of discordance when you're

thinking about the way in which

these documents came into being?

But you'd think if you were

one of Christ's biographers,

that would be sort

of an important thing not to leave out.

Oh, God,

he was also born of a virgin.

They don't notice the virgin birth.

You know, I think that is something

if you were any sort of reporter

you'd put into the story.

What editor looks at the facts and goes,

"Yeah, but take out the thing

about the virgin birth.

That's not interesting."

I think being without faith

is something that's a luxury

for people who were

fortunate enough

to have a fortunate life.

You know, you go to prison

and you hear a guy say,

"You know what, buddy?

I got nothing but Jesus in here."

I completely understand that.

I think not having faith

is a luxury sometimes.

If you're in a foxhole,

you probably have a lot of faith, right?

- Mm-hmm.

- So I get that.

But you guys aren't dumb.

You're smart people.

How can smart people...

how can they believe

in the talking snake,

people living to 900 years old

and the virgin birth?

And you know,

that's my question.

You guys have

your own questions.

Pray for me.

Father, in the name of Jesus

and by the power of the Holy Spirit,

we ask right now, Lord,

as we lift up Bill to You, Father,

that You can answer his questions

that we can't answer.

Father, we thank You

right now for the opportunity

that has come today,

that we may voice

our opinions and hear others.

So we ask You, Lord, to touch

and feel wisdom right now

in the name of Jesus.

And we thank You for it

in Jesus's name, amen.

Thank you for being Christlike,

and not just Christian.

Okay. Hey, my wallet!

No, I'm kidding.

You see so many nice people

trying to make it about

something good

and yet it turns

into not just corrupt,

but, like, f***ing-little-kids corrupt

and burning-people-alive cor...

I mean, really evil sh*t.

I'd like to see 10,000 people

give $10,000.

Write your biggest check

and send it in.

We got people on welfare that's got

enough faith to make a $1,000 vow

- and paying it!

- I want to be in the green, Lord!

What I'm about

to say is revelation.

I got it on DVD.

And I have it on DVD.

And you need to get this. Hallelujah!

Hallelujah!

Reverend.

Is that what I call you?

No, just call me... doctor.

- Doctor?

- Yeah.

All right, Doc. First of all,

I have to tell you, when I heard that

you were in Harold Melvin

and the Blue Notes,

I was like, "That's my man."

And it's funny,

because that lyric

can be interpreted religiously.

"If you don't know me

by now." Right?

I mean, you must've thought of that.

The song did go platinum.

Teddy Pendergrass,

who led the song,

he was ordained a minister

when he was 10 years old.

What do you think

it says about religion

and how serious it is

if you can be a minister

when you're 10?

But there is a comparison

to be made between

musical stars, rock stars

and religious figures.

They very often both dress

- in elaborate costumes...

- Mm-hmm.

...that get people's attention.

People in a congregation

must know that

the outfit was financed

by their donations,

and it doesn't seem to bother them.

I always dress well.

I see! Are those gators?

Those are lizards.

- Lizards?

- Yes.

- What do they run?

- They don't run. They crawl.

And I see you got a lot of bling.

I like gold.

The people want you to look well.

That's what pimps say

about their women.

I was told by one of the greatest pimps

that ever lived...

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