Religulous Page #7

Synopsis: Bill Maher interviews some of religion's oddest adherents. Muslims, Jews and Christians of many kinds pass before his jaundiced eye. Maher goes to a Creationist Museum in Kentucky, which shows that dinosaurs and people lived at the same time 5000 years ago. He talks to truckers at a Truckers' Chapel. (Sign outside: "Jesus love you.") He goes to a theme park called Holy Land in Florida. He speaks to a rabbi in league with Holocaust deniers. He talks to a Muslim musician who preaches hatred of Jews. Maher finds the unlikeliest of believers and, in a certain Vatican priest, he even finds an unlikely skeptic.
Director(s): Larry Charles
Production: Lionsgate Films
  2 wins & 1 nomination.
 
IMDB:
7.7
Metacritic:
56
Rotten Tomatoes:
69%
R
Year:
2008
101 min
$12,995,673
Website
434 Views


God took my rib like this

and began to whittle it

like this

and blow on it...

and then...

Saved means believing

in Jesus Christ

- as the only begotten Son of God.

- Not for me, it don't.

What about the Muslims?

Many Muslims are

saved right now.

I don't get it.

I pray in your lifetime you do.

Jesus came through a Jew.

He was not the seed of man.

He came through

a Jewish woman,

but no man had

ever touched her.

No flesh had ever

touched her.

He was the seed of God.

You want me to lean up against

the tomb or something

or you want casual or... okay.

Did I give you my cell phone?

Oh, I left my cell phone, right?

Just want to make sure.

Testing one two,

check, testing.

How you doing, Bill?

God bless you.

- Hi.

- Seen you around.

- Welcome to our world.

- I've seen you around.

Now is this your tomb?

Is this a real rock?

No, it's just cement.

They just kind of cemented it in there.

So when you go out to dinner,

people recognize you?

All the time, yeah.

I think you get

a little bit of that, too.

But they don't think I'm the Lord.

You must really be...

Why do you think people come here?

'Cause Disneyland's too smutty?

I personally haven't been

to the Holy Land,

so this was an awesome experience

for me when I walked on the property.

- I was like, "Wow, this is cool."

- Let me ask you questions

- about your business...

- Yes.

...or really the Jesus business.

God is super powerful.

- He can do anything.

- Sure.

Why doesn't

he just obliterate the devil

and therefore get rid

of evil in the world?

- He will.

- He will? What's he waiting for?

- End times.

- But why play it out like that?

- Why make it a game?

- Well, it's not necessarily a game.

A day is like a thousand years

in God's eyes, it says in the Bible.

If you wanna look at it...

just like two days ago, Christ died.

But I know that he is

so far beyond any of our ways,

that he can work

the worst situation for his good.

What was the Holocaust?

Why was that good?

You know, God had a plan for that.

Maybe it's to cause...

I wonder if you would have thought

that if you were one of the people

- being pushed into an oven.

- Well, you know what?

It's like trying to explain

to an ant how a TV works.

That's... God's ways are

so much higher than ours.

There's no way

you can understand that.

We need to stop the interview

for just a moment, please.

- Nice to see you.

- Senior manager of public relations.

- Hi, Les, I'll be right with you.

- Hi. Sure.

I'm not afraid

of the piranha women.

When he came, he said, "I come not

to abolish the law, but to fulfill it."

You boil all those

Levitical laws down to two things:

No other God is before me, Bill,

and love the Lord with all your heart.

But, Jesus, having

no other gods before you,

that's not moral.

There's nothing moral about that.

It's just something

a jealous god would do.

It does say that our God

is a jealous god.

But your God is jealous?

That seems so unGodlike

that God would have such

a petty human emotion.

I know people who have

gotten over jealousy,

- let alone God.

- There's two sides to the coin.

He's a just God

and he's also a merciful God.

No, he spends the first five books

of the Bible wiping out people.

That's what he chose to do.

His ways are higher than ours, Bill.

- Maybe our thinking should be higher.

- That's a good point.

God has got

this God-sized hole in your life.

You can fit that

with any position...

drugs, sex, whatever you want...

it is not gonna fill it.

- Can I try?

- You can try all you want.

You're gonna end up

hurting yourself,

damaging yourself

and burning yourself up.

I thought Christ was

about not judging people.

- That's true.

- Isn't that a judgment there?

You don't know me and you're telling me

I need to fill a hole in my heart

- with drugs and sex.

- No, I'm not talking about you.

I'm saying anyone in general.

See, if I was God, I would create people

without the hole to begin with.

Have you ever had a little voice in

the back of your mind say something?

- We've all had that.

- That's called the Holy Spirit.

- That's not God. That's you.

- That's called the Holy Spirit.

- Feel this wind right now?

- Yeah.

Okay, where is it?

You don't know, right?

- Yeah, it's called wind.

- Okay, that's like the Holy Spirit.

It's a monotheistic religion,

but there's three of them.

Just like water can be ice,

steam and water.

I see.

It's different forms, different shapes

for the different purposes.

The analogy that Jesus

at the amusement park

said yesterday was brilliant,

about the Trinity is like water.

It can be steam. It can be ice.

It can be liquid.

Wow, that is...

boy, that stopped me

in my tracks for a second, you know?

That's just a brilliant analogy.

When you think about it

for two minutes,

it's still complete bullshit.

There this space God

and he's himself

and he sent himself

on a suicide mission.

He's a God, but he has a kid.

He's a single parent.

It's just silly, but when you put it

in the water analogy,

I can see that, you know,

those ladies there,

when they heard that the first time,

they were like, done.

Sold. Oh, you had me

at ice cube.

Moving on.

Does it ever bother you

that the story of a man

who was born of a virgin

was resurrected?

Your bio was something that was

going around the Mediterranean

for at least 1,000 years.

We've got Krishna who was in India

Krishna was a carpenter,

born of a virgin, baptized in a river.

Are you saying that

was written in history?

That was written down in history,

is that what you're saying?

Absolutely, there's the Persian god

Mithra, 600 years before Christ.

Born December 25th,

performed miracles,

resurrected on the third day,

known as the Lamb, the Way, the Truth,

the Light, the Savior, Messiah.

Stop! Blasphemer!

All I know is that

I don't go by that hearsay.

I go by the word of God.

I know that's why I believe.

- Well, I believe it because it's truth.

- Believe it, yes.

But there's a difference

between truth and what you believe.

In the Bible it tells us that all things

are possible with God, okay?

Study the religions

of the Mediterranean region

for a thousand years before.

Many of the gods were born

on December 25th.

- No, it's not.

- It's not a new one.

It's funny you should bring

that up because of course

in "Star Wars:
Episode l...

The Phantom Menace,"

Anakin is born to a virgin.

People see that

and say, "Wait a second.

Where have we heard that before?"

That's not original.

- But the Jesus story wasn't original.

- How so?

Let me ask you a question.

Let's say, if you take the side

- that this is all made up...

- I do.

...what if you're wrong?

What if you're wrong?

# Down the Via Dolorosa #

# In Jerusalem that day #

# The soldiers tried #

# To clear

the narrow street #

# But the crowd

pressed in to see #

# The man condemned to die #

# On Calvary #

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes

Bill Maher

All Bill Maher scripts | Bill Maher Scripts

0 fans

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:

0 Comments

    Translation

    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)

    Citation

    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:

    Style:MLAChicagoAPA

    "Religulous" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/religulous_16760>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer

    Religulous

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.


    Quiz

    Are you a screenwriting master?

    »
    What is the main function of a screenplay treatment?
    A To list all dialogue in the film
    B To detail the character backstories
    C To provide a summary of the screenplay
    D To give a scene-by-scene breakdown