Religulous Page #7
God took my rib like this
and began to whittle it
like this
and blow on it...
and then...
Saved means believing
in Jesus Christ
- as the only begotten Son of God.
- Not for me, it don't.
What about the Muslims?
Many Muslims are
saved right now.
I don't get it.
I pray in your lifetime you do.
Jesus came through a Jew.
He was not the seed of man.
He came through
a Jewish woman,
but no man had
ever touched her.
No flesh had ever
touched her.
He was the seed of God.
You want me to lean up against
the tomb or something
or you want casual or... okay.
Did I give you my cell phone?
Oh, I left my cell phone, right?
Just want to make sure.
Testing one two,
check, testing.
How you doing, Bill?
God bless you.
- Hi.
- Seen you around.
- Welcome to our world.
- I've seen you around.
Now is this your tomb?
Is this a real rock?
No, it's just cement.
They just kind of cemented it in there.
So when you go out to dinner,
people recognize you?
All the time, yeah.
I think you get
a little bit of that, too.
But they don't think I'm the Lord.
You must really be...
Why do you think people come here?
'Cause Disneyland's too smutty?
I personally haven't been
to the Holy Land,
so this was an awesome experience
for me when I walked on the property.
- I was like, "Wow, this is cool."
- Let me ask you questions
- about your business...
- Yes.
...or really the Jesus business.
God is super powerful.
- He can do anything.
- Sure.
Why doesn't
he just obliterate the devil
and therefore get rid
of evil in the world?
- He will.
- He will? What's he waiting for?
- End times.
- But why play it out like that?
- Why make it a game?
- Well, it's not necessarily a game.
A day is like a thousand years
in God's eyes, it says in the Bible.
If you wanna look at it...
just like two days ago, Christ died.
But I know that he is
so far beyond any of our ways,
that he can work
the worst situation for his good.
What was the Holocaust?
Why was that good?
You know, God had a plan for that.
Maybe it's to cause...
I wonder if you would have thought
that if you were one of the people
- being pushed into an oven.
- Well, you know what?
It's like trying to explain
to an ant how a TV works.
That's... God's ways are
so much higher than ours.
There's no way
you can understand that.
We need to stop the interview
for just a moment, please.
- Nice to see you.
- Senior manager of public relations.
- Hi, Les, I'll be right with you.
- Hi. Sure.
I'm not afraid
of the piranha women.
When he came, he said, "I come not
to abolish the law, but to fulfill it."
You boil all those
Levitical laws down to two things:
No other God is before me, Bill,
and love the Lord with all your heart.
But, Jesus, having
no other gods before you,
that's not moral.
There's nothing moral about that.
It's just something
It does say that our God
is a jealous god.
But your God is jealous?
That seems so unGodlike
that God would have such
a petty human emotion.
I know people who have
gotten over jealousy,
- let alone God.
- There's two sides to the coin.
He's a just God
and he's also a merciful God.
No, he spends the first five books
of the Bible wiping out people.
That's what he chose to do.
His ways are higher than ours, Bill.
- Maybe our thinking should be higher.
- That's a good point.
God has got
this God-sized hole in your life.
You can fit that
with any position...
drugs, sex, whatever you want...
it is not gonna fill it.
- Can I try?
- You can try all you want.
You're gonna end up
hurting yourself,
damaging yourself
and burning yourself up.
I thought Christ was
about not judging people.
- That's true.
- Isn't that a judgment there?
You don't know me and you're telling me
I need to fill a hole in my heart
- with drugs and sex.
- No, I'm not talking about you.
I'm saying anyone in general.
See, if I was God, I would create people
without the hole to begin with.
Have you ever had a little voice in
the back of your mind say something?
- We've all had that.
- That's called the Holy Spirit.
- That's not God. That's you.
- That's called the Holy Spirit.
- Feel this wind right now?
- Yeah.
Okay, where is it?
You don't know, right?
- Yeah, it's called wind.
- Okay, that's like the Holy Spirit.
It's a monotheistic religion,
but there's three of them.
Just like water can be ice,
steam and water.
I see.
It's different forms, different shapes
for the different purposes.
The analogy that Jesus
at the amusement park
said yesterday was brilliant,
about the Trinity is like water.
It can be steam. It can be ice.
It can be liquid.
Wow, that is...
boy, that stopped me
in my tracks for a second, you know?
That's just a brilliant analogy.
When you think about it
for two minutes,
it's still complete bullshit.
There this space God
and he's himself
and he sent himself
on a suicide mission.
He's a God, but he has a kid.
He's a single parent.
It's just silly, but when you put it
in the water analogy,
I can see that, you know,
those ladies there,
when they heard that the first time,
they were like, done.
Sold. Oh, you had me
at ice cube.
Moving on.
Does it ever bother you
that the story of a man
who was born of a virgin
was resurrected?
Your bio was something that was
going around the Mediterranean
for at least 1,000 years.
We've got Krishna who was in India
Krishna was a carpenter,
born of a virgin, baptized in a river.
Are you saying that
was written in history?
That was written down in history,
is that what you're saying?
Absolutely, there's the Persian god
Mithra, 600 years before Christ.
Born December 25th,
performed miracles,
resurrected on the third day,
known as the Lamb, the Way, the Truth,
the Light, the Savior, Messiah.
Stop! Blasphemer!
All I know is that
I don't go by that hearsay.
I go by the word of God.
I know that's why I believe.
- Well, I believe it because it's truth.
- Believe it, yes.
But there's a difference
between truth and what you believe.
In the Bible it tells us that all things
are possible with God, okay?
Study the religions
of the Mediterranean region
for a thousand years before.
Many of the gods were born
on December 25th.
- No, it's not.
- It's not a new one.
that up because of course
in "Star Wars:
Episode l...The Phantom Menace,"
Anakin is born to a virgin.
People see that
and say, "Wait a second.
Where have we heard that before?"
That's not original.
- But the Jesus story wasn't original.
- How so?
Let me ask you a question.
Let's say, if you take the side
- that this is all made up...
- I do.
...what if you're wrong?
What if you're wrong?
# Down the Via Dolorosa #
# In Jerusalem that day #
# The soldiers tried #
# To clear
the narrow street #
# But the crowd
pressed in to see #
# The man condemned to die #
# On Calvary #
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"Religulous" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/religulous_16760>.
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