Religulous Page #8

# Down the Via Dolorosa #

# Called the Way of Suffering #

# Like a lamb came the Messiah #

# Christ the King #

# And he chose to walk that road #

# Out of his love #

# For you #

# And me. #

Was Jesus a sinner?

One master. One word.

I am your master.

Who do we put away

in the asylums?

Xenu brought us here

stacked us around volcanoes

and blew them up with an H-bomb.

We are older than the universe.

You have to rid yourself

of the implants

from the extraterrestrial dictators!

- Get an E-Meter. Yes, get an E-Meter!

- An E-meter?

Audit yourself.

How do you people expect

to get to the next level?

I'm not making the rules.

Aw...

You know, Scientologists...

And right, you're like,

"Oh, yeah, that's some crazy sh*t. Okay.

Jesus with the virgin birth

and the dove and the snake

who talked in the garden,

that's cool.

But the Scientologists,

they're the crazy ones."

That's not true.

That... that...

I don't have any idea

of what

you're talking about.

But it has something to do

with making sure

that we're born with a defect,

so that the souls of ours

are infected with aliens...

Thank you.

...because the cure?

Scientology.

They're all crazy.

Yes, the religions do get even crazier.

They have to to keep up.

They keep raising the bar.

After you've done the virgin birth,

you know,

where do you go?

We're not getting the top?

- We got the top.

- Oh, okay.

That's the Mormon Temple

behind me.

To be a Mormon is to believe

some really crazy stuff,

crazy even by the standards

of the big religions.

When you're the new kid

on the block...

Thank you.

That was helpful.

You're the new kid

on the block

and all the good crazy has

already been picked over,

so you kind of have to up the ante.

Oh.

God damn it.

Not while

I'm in the middle of it.

Well, we do have it.

Boy, a lot of people came

- out of the woodwork.

- Yeah.

So did you guys get anybody

from the church to talk to?

Well, if you count getting

thrown off the property

- "talked to."

- That's probably better.

We'd like you

to "Meet the Mormons."

In the founding scripture,

you open up the Doctrine of Covenants,

you read the autobiography

of Joseph Smith.

He quotes Jesus Christ as telling him

that every other creed

on earth is, quote,

"an abomination."

An abomination.

I mean, that's not

a very ecumenical statement.

You're talking about things that,

I think, at some level

you sense just

do not make sense.

I'm glad you said that because I read

some of the tenets of Mormonism,

like "God lives on a planet

near the star of Kalob."

- Kolob.

- Kolob.

God the Father who's a physical man

with a body of flesh and bone

is probably about 6' tall,

lives on a place called Kolob,

had sexual relations with Mary...

remember he's a man.

"Jesus Christ was conceived

by God the father

having actual sex with Mary."

Mary said, "If this is what God wants,

I'll be glad to do His will."

"Dark skin is a curse from God,

but if you're sufficiently righteous,

a dark-skinned person

can become light-skinned."

According to

the Book of Mormon,

after his resurrection,

Jesus came to the Americas

to preach to the Indians.

"That American Indians are

actually a lost tribe of Israel."

They're lost Jews.

And also the idea

that Christianity

is American,

I think, is an amazing

entitlement to a people

who are always trying

to meld God and country.

The Garden of Eden was

in Missouri according to Mormonism.

The new Jerusalem

will be there.

Branson, I'm hoping.

I've also heard that the Mormon Church

baptizes dead people.

You can be baptized

for about 50 people,

And so you just get dunked

about 50 to 100 times.

That's baptism for the dead.

Caffeine is evil.

That magic underwear can protect you.

And that you need

a secret password to get into heaven.

Everyone must stand

at the final judgment

before Joseph Smith,

Jesus and Elohim.

This isn't an easy religion.

Why do you think it is that

so few people

do what you have done

and leave the church?

The moment you acknowledge

to yourself that Joseph Smith

did not tell the truth about

his experiences and his achievements,

you just committed

social suicide.

- Family and friends...

- Family and friends.

...will... you're off the deep end.

Dr. Andrew Newberg,

nice to meet you.

I've finally met someone

who's studied... neurotheology.

This is getting very close

to something I always say,

which is that religion is

a neurological disorder.

What does the brain look like

when it's hopped up on God?

We see a lot of different colors,

which help us to...

tell us what

the activity is in the brain

and what we have found is that

there are some very specific changes

when people are actually

meditating or praying

or even speaking in tongues,

which was our last study.

In the name of Jesus,

you've been made whole

by the power of God.

- Speaking in tongues?

- We studied people speaking in tongues.

They're just babbling,

though, right?

They're not really speaking

in a language they don't know.

It's not an actual language,

but what's...

Just bullshit, Doc,

come on.

Isn't that something?

I love you.

So you would agree that

even if a billion people

believe something,

it can still be ridiculous?

- Absolutely.

- But the Jews, I mean, they're...

excuse me, Jewish friends...

but they're as cuckoo as anybody,

especially the really Orthodox ones.

You are one of the

few Jewish people in the world

who does not believe

in the state of Israel.

You do not think the state

- of Israel should exist.

- Correct.

- Okay.

- God gave us the land of Israel.

On Mount Sinai where we made

this bond with God,

He said, "I'm giving you the land,

but I'm stipulating...

very clearly stipulating... you must

be on a certain level of holiness."

You will see it clearly

that we were sent out of the land.

So basically you're saying that

the Jewish people have

not been holy enough

to deserve

the land of Israel.

God understands what is good for us,

what is bad for us...

- First of all...

...what will bring us safety or not.

Let me just finish.

God told us, though,

if you will go against God...

- God manipulates the world...

- Okay, l...

Wait a second.

Let me finish this.

God said if you're going

to try to make the state,

you will be unsuccessful.

You are looking through...

you're trying to look

at this world through a keyhole.

I'm looking through the key...

Let me finish.

God is compassionate.

Everything is directly

from God, we believe.

- But it seems to me...

- I'll now explain what you're asking.

The concept of saying

that we've suffered

enough anti-Semitism...

Never again.

So you don't say "Never again."

You say "Again."

Yeah. Let us understand

that the Jewish people

were living in exile

for 2,000 years

under God's protection

and we were living

in Western civilization...

- Germany, Poland. Not anymore...

- Let me finish.

We were living amongst

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