Renaissance Man Page #2

So...

lets begin again.

Have you previously collected benefits?

No.

What would you be willing to do?

Milk cows.

Uh... shear sheep.

-Pluck chickens.

-All right, Bill.

A couple of weeks

youll hear from us. Next.!

[ Bill ] Smack it.! Run.!

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.!

-Aw! Oh!

-Bang, bang, bang.

He cant run. Two million dollars a year,

he runs like Bill Clinton.

The eclipse, Dad. Mexico.

Come on, Emily.

You dont wanna go down there.

Its a hundred degrees.

You get held up at the airport.

-You probably wont get off the toilet

long enough to see it, anyway.

-Dad!

[ Bill Groans ]

Astronomy? Jesus, when are you

gonna grow up?

-I am growin up.

You know its what I wanna do.

-Damn!

Theres the path to big bucks.

Starin out into space. Look!

I discovered Venus. Pay me.

Astrology, maybe you could make

a few dollars doin peoples

horoscopes or somethin.

Why do you always have to be

such a jerk about all this for?

-Frozen malts.

-You want a frozen malt?

-No.

-Gimme two. Gimme two.

Em. Wait a minute. Em, come on.

Im sure youll find a very nice eclipse

to see around here someday.

-Yeah, in the year 2047!

-You want your pennant?

No, I just want you

to believe in me.

[ People Singing ]

-Hi, guys, how ya doin? Okay.

-Okay.

You feel like you wanna drown

-Next!

-Hi, Beverly.

-Bill. Good to see you.

-How are the kids?

-Great. Everythings great.

-Good.

-Hows your daughter?

-She hates my guts.

Surprise, surprise.

You know, its strange.

I dont like you either.

Yet somehow Im gonna miss you.

We found you a job.

There you go.

What do you think?

No, no, no, no. I--Beverly.

You got the wrong file.

When have I ever been a teacher?

Look, you got a masters degree.

That means you can teach.

No, it doesnt. No, it only means

hypothetically that I could.

Come on, Bill.

Now, its a good job. Six weeks.

A decent salary.

And you get to live there.

Bev-Beverly,

I-Ill get my head blown off.

Do you know how many kids

carry guns to school these days?

Hmph! In this case, all of em.

[ Chuckles ] I guess you didnt get

to the "where" part.

Must be the army

thats turning me on

Must be the army

thats making me strong

Yes, sir.

Sir. Halt.

-May I help you?

-Yeah.

I need directions

to the Army Education Center.

A.E.C.? Thats building 231 0.

Park your vehicle in the green zone,

step inside, get a pass.

Im runnin a little late.

Cant I drive somewhere?

Yes, sir. You can drive

to the green zone and get a pass.

Look, Im not even in the army.

I just have to meet--

Park in the green zone,

step inside, get a pass!

Right.

Green zone, inside, pass.

Youd probably get along good

with my ex-wife.

Im just a soldier, Sergeant

marching for you

[ Drill Sergeant ] I will not quit

until P.T. is through

-I will not quit

until P.T. is through

-Excuse me.

Excuse me. Im lookin for

the Army Education Center.

Captain Tom Murdoch.

Captain Murdochs not at the A.E.C.

Captain Murdochs at the A.R.C.

A.R.C., A.E.C.

You lookin for Captain Murdoch?

The A.E.C. is building 231 0.

-You want building 4475.

-447--

Look, heres what you do. You go right

here. Take another right at the P.X.

Go half a click til you see

the D.P.T.M. Center.

-Then take a left.

-P.M., P.X.

[ Sighs ]

D.P.T.M.

R.F.P.C.

Can I buy a vowel?

[ Ringing ]

Captain Murdochs office.

May I help you? Oh, hi again, sir.

-Can you hold?

-Okay, Sergeant, these are ready to go.

-Uh, sir.

-Bill Rago.

-Sorry to keep you waiting.

-Well, actually, I needed

to catch up on world events.

-That Gulf War thing

worked out for us, huh?

-Sure did.

Im Tom Murdoch. Welcome to Fort McClane.

Would you come with me, please?

-Give us a couple of minutes.

-Sir, the extra housing units.

Im workin on it.

They keep shutting down forts

on us and weve picked up

troops from every goddamn one.

I got 1 5 buses coming in

at 21 00. Fifteen!

-Bummer.

-Ive got that key somewhere.

Uh, uh... here it is.

Would you come with me, please, Bill?

-You mean, go?

-Yeah, after you.

-Ever been in the army?

-No.

Good. Ill show you around

and explain your job to you.

-The sergeant sent us a list of names.

-Next.

No go, they said.

These are the ones who cant hack it.

-None of em wanted the boot.

They all volunteered.

-Ouch!

-[ Groans ]

-Come on, Bill. It dont hurt

much. They all go through it.

Where was I? Thats when

Colonel James stepped in.

He put out a call to find the kids that

could best be served by this program.

-[ Panting ]

-Keep breathing.

-This is sick.

-Bill?

-You all right? What are they

gonna catch in Michigan?

Bill? Stay with me, okay?

The point is, their Drill Sergeants

out there in the field...

didnt have the time

to explain everything a

dozen times over to these guys.

As far as Im concerned, they

shouldnt have to. But thats

strictly between you and me.

-Okay.

-Hoo-ah, Drill Sergeant!

-I cant hear you!

-Hoo-ah, Drill Sergeant!

[ Capt. Murdoch ] So the squeakers

were talkin about are in your file.

-Why dont you just send

the squeakers home?

-Thats a darn good question.

Ask the colonel. He keeps insisting if

we can help em do push-ups...

we can give em a hand

in the brain department.

Thats where you come in, Wild Bill.

Youre it for these guys.

-The last chance saloon.

Sergeant Save-it.

-Is it much further?

-Whats this?

-Oh, isnt that a thing of beauty?

Thats our victory tower.

Biggest one in the country.

We give em physical confidence.

Doesnt do much good

if they got sawdust for brains.

What we need you to do is to

get em to think a little better

on their feet. Thats all.

-[ Screaming ]

-Oops.

Must be one of yours, Bill.

[ Laughing ]

Let me get this straight.

-The colonel selected these

eight kids for his program?

-Right.

-And you want me to teach

these guys how to comprehend?

-Yes, sir.

-Hard stroke left!

-[ Recruits Shouting ] Kill! Kill!

Are they saying kill?

-You betcha.

-[ Recruits ] Kill! Kill!

Victory Starts Here.

Thats Fort McClanes motto.

Novel.

Here it is, Bill.

Home sweet home.

-[ Recruits Singing ]

-They never stop singing.

What about my car and all my stuff?

Dont worry about a thing, Bill.

Its all taken care of.

Would you like to do the honors?

Yeah. [ Sighs ]

Ive died and gone

to Gomer Pyles house.

[ Murdoch ] Hes a marine, Bill.

What did I tell ya?

-[ Door Closes ]

-Bill.

Your bedroom with a closet

and a latrine are right over here.

-[ Bill ] Mmm, elegant.

-Come on. Lots to see.

And you were worried about your stuff.

All-purpose table.

And... you share this lovely kitchen

with the people next door.

-What?

-Its a Scandinavian thing.

Simplicity of design. Economy.

-Uh, the Swedes I think.

-You ever wonder why so many

of em blow their brains out?

[ Chuckles ]

Im gonna use that one.

Ill let you get washed up, Bill.

You got 40 minutes til your first class.

Cheer up, will you?

Youre serving your country now.

[ Door Closes ]

[ Exhales ] Im honored.

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