Return of the Scarecrow Page #2

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THEY BROKE INTO THE HOUSE

AND DRUG THEM ALL OUT,

AND HANGED THEM.

[ COLLECTIVE ANGRY CHATTER ]

[ THUNDER RUMBLING ]

THEN, THEY BURNED

THE HOUSE AND PROPERTY DOWN,

AND SALTED THE EARTH

TO MAKE SURE NOTHING

HAPPENED THERE.

THE FAMILY TOOK A LONG TIME TO

DIE, THOUGH, WHILE SPOUTING OFF

CURSES AND SPELLS.

[ MYSTICAL INCANTATIONS ]

WHEN THEY FINALLY DIED,

THE TOWNSFOLK DIDN'T WAN TO BURN THE BODIES.

SO THEY TOOK THEM DEEP

INTO THE WOODS,

SECRET-LIKE, 'CAUSE NO ALL THE FAMILY WAS CAUGHT.

THE TOWNSFOLK BELIEVED

THAT THE FREE ONES COULD

RESURRECT THE DEAD ONES,

OR SOME SUCH NONSENSE.

[ CHANTING ]

SO A FEW OF THE BRAVE

TOWNSMEN BURIED THE BODIES

IN A SMALL CEMETERY THA THEY HAD CREATED, HIDDEN AWAY

SO NO ONE COULD FIND THEM.

THIS IS ALL FASCINATING,

BUT WHAT DOES IT HAVE TO DO

WITH THE SCARECROW?

PATIENCE, LAD.

CHILL OUT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW, WHERE WAS I?

OH YES, THE SCARECROW.

YOU SEE, THE TOWNSFOLK DIDN' THINK TO WARD OFF THE CEMETERY,

OR GET A WISE WOMAN

OR WICCAN TO BLESS IT,

SO THE DARK POWER SEEPED OUT.

IT HAD FOUND, NOT TOO FAR AWAY--

THERE WAS A CORNFIELD,

LONG OVERGROWN, COMPLETE WITH

AN ABANDONED SCARECROW.

WELL, THOSE POWERS SEEPED INTO

THAT THING, AND GAVE I A HORRIBLE LIFE.

SOME SAY IT AVENGES UPON

THE DESCENDANTS OF THE TOWNSFOLK

WHO HUNG THE FAMILY.

SOME SAY IT SEARCHES FOR

THE REMAINING FAMILY MEMBER.

BUT IT LIVES AND EXISTS

FOR PURELY EVIL PURPOSES.

[ HISSING ]

[ THUNDER CRACKLING ]

SO DID THE ESCAPED FAMILY

MEMBER EVER COME BACK?

DID ANYTHING EVER HAPPEN?

NO, NOTHING EVER

REALLY HAPPENED.

THEY SAY HE CHANGED HIS NAME,

MOVED OUT OF TOWN.

BEEN HIDDEN EVER SINCE.

HE?

OR SHE.

SO, THAT REALLY HAPPENED?

WELL, KIND OF, SORTA.

WELL, WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE JUS GO DIG UP THE CEMETERY

AND WARD IT, OR BIND I LIKE YOU SAID?

NO ONE KNOWS WHERE IT IS.

YOU SAID IT ONLY COMES OU EVERY 30 YEARS?

15.

EVERY 15 YEARS?

OOO, SCARY!

[ CHUCKLING ]

WELL, THE GRAVEYARD'S

SUPPOSED TO BE AROUND

THE HARPER LAKE AREA.

SO THERE YOU GO.

HASN'T ANYONE EVER

GONE LOOKING FOR IT?

WOULD YOU?

ANYONE THAT HAS IS--

THEY'VE ALL DISAPPEARED,

RIGHT?

[ LAUGHING ]

WELL, SOME HAVE.

SOME GET LOST AND NEVER FIND

THEIR WAY BACK, AND SOME

DON'T FIND ANYTHING AT ALL.

DON'T WORRY.

I'VE LIVED HERE MY WHOLE LIFE.

NOTHING HAS HAPPENED.

I MEAN, I'VE HEARD THE STORIES,

BUT THAT'S ALL THEY ARE,

STORIES TO SCARE KIDS.

YOU DON'T GO TO SLEEP,

THE SCARECROW'LL GET YA.

STUFF LIKE THAT.

[ CHUCKLING ]

EAT YOUR VEGGIES

OR THE SCARECROW'LL GET YA!

[ SQUEALING AND LAUGHING ]

AW, DON'T WORRY

YOUR PRETTY LITTLE HEAD.

YOU GOT RALPH TO

TAKE CARE OF YA.

IT'S JUST A STORY,

IN EXCHANGE FOR FREE DRINKS.

I DON'T GET TO SPEND MUCH TIME

WITH PRETTY GIRLS LIKE YOU.

YOU OLD CHARMER.

MM-HMM.

[ SCOFFING ]

WE SHOULD GET GOING.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,

LET'S GET A PICTURE WITH DOC.

SH*T.

YOU ARE WRITING A BOOK.

I JUST LIKE PICTURES.

EXCUSE ME, WILL YOU

TAKE THIS SHOT FOR US?

UH, SURE.

[ INDISTINCT CHATTER ]

THANK YOU.

OOH.

[ CAMERA CLICKING ]

[ MUSIC ]

[ FROGS CROAKING ]

OVER HERE.

I THINK I FOUND IT.

YUP, THIS IS IT.

HARPER LAKE.

OKAY, SO I THINK THE TEN SHOULD GO HERE, AND FIRE HERE.

I'VE GOT A BETTER IDEA.

LAST ONE IN'S A SQUARE!

[ SPLASHING AND GIGGLING ]

NOT... NOT YOU?

[ CHUCKLING ]

NO.

THEY'RE GONNA BE DRINKING AND

SMOKING, AND THE TENT WON'T BE

PUT UP, AND THE FIRE

WON'T BE BUILT.

I'LL HELP.

NO, IT'S FINE.

GO HAVE FUN.

I CAN'T SWIM.

OKAY, COME ON.

[ DISTANT COYOTE HOWLING ]

YOU'RE NOT STILL WORRIED

ABOUT DOC'S STORIES, ARE YA?

UM, NO.

I MEAN, THEY'RE JUST STORIES,

RIGHT?

[ SIGHING ]

I'M JUST WORRIED

ABOUT THOSE TWO,

AND MY IDIOT COUSIN JANELLE.

I WOULDN'T WORRY,

THEY'RE WITH GEORGE.

THAT'S WHA I'M WORRIED ABOUT.

[ CHUCKLING ]

YOU KNOW,

YOU'RE A LOT MORE FUN

THAN SHE SAID YOU'D BE.

WHO?

JANELLE.

SHE SAID YOU CAN BE KIND OF A...

A PRUDE.

WHAT?

[ LOUD YELLING ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

OH, YOU SHOULD HAVE

SEEN YOUR FACES.

OH MY GOD.

THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

YEAH, IT IS.

[ CHUCKLING ]

CHECK OUT WHAT WE FOUND.

[ MUSIC ]

WHERE'D YOU FIND THAT?

UH, I FOUND IT ON A SCARECROW

IN THE FIELD BACK THERE.

BY THE CEMETERY?

YEAH, WHY?

YOU HEARD THE STORIES.

WHA-- WHAT DID YOU

DO THAT FOR?

SHE'S WORRIED ABOUT WHAT THA OLD MAN SAID, ABOUT SCARECROW

OF THE LAKE, OR SOME DUMB SH*T.

YOU ARE SO NAIVE.

THOSE STORIES WERE JUST MADE UP

TO KEEP US FROM:

HAVING A GOOD TIME.

WELL?

DON'T WORRY, DEAR.

IN ALL THE MONSTER STORIES,

IT'S ALWAYS THE VIRGIN

THAT GETS TO BE THE HERO.

YOU CAN SAVE US ALL.

F*** YOU.

[ CHUCKLING ]

JUST LET HER GO.

SHE CAN COOL OFF.

BESIDES, I BROUGHT THIS.

HEYYYY.

NOW WE HAVE A CHANCE TO CHAT.

[ THUDDING FOOTSTEPS ]

[ MUSIC ]

[ BONG BUBBLING ]

I'M GOIN' AFTER HER.

UGH, IT'S NOT LIKE

YOU'RE GONNA GET ANY!

AT LEAST FROM HER, ANYWAY.

COOL IT, B*TCH.

I SAID HE'S OFF LIMITS.

YEAH, BUT...

MAYBE WE CAN HAVE SOME FUN

WITH CLAIRE LATER?

THAT SOUNDS PEACHY.

I'D RATHER HAVE SOME FUN

RIGHT NOW.

[ BONG BUBBLING ]

COME ON.

ALL RIGHT.

I SAID LATER.

MAYBE.

THERE YOU GO.

BYE.

HE'S OFF LIMITS...

SHE'S MY COUSIN...

I SAID, LATER...

MAYBE...

YOU LEAVE ME ALL ALONE OUT HERE?

F***IN' B*TCH!

F***IN' HOPE THE F***IN'

SCARECROW GETS YOU.

[ MUSIC ]

F***IN' B*TCH.

[ GASPING ]

[ SNARLING ]

[ GAGGING ]

SMOOTH.

I'M SO GONNA GET LOST.

WITHOUT A FRICKIN' FLASHLIGHT,

WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?

ONE-PUMP CHUMP.

HOW F***ING ANNOYING.

I CHANGED MY MIND, CLAIRE,

YOU CAN HAVE...

HEY, COME BACK, COME BACK,

I NEED TO TRY AGAIN.

GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE!

GIVE--

[ GROWLING ]

[ GRUNTING ]

[ SNARLING ]

[ GROANING ]

[ SKULL CRUNCHING ]

JO!

JOSEPHINE, RUN!

[ SCREAMING ]

[ STICKS CRACKING ]

OH, SH*T!

[ SIGHING ]

IT'S JUST A SCARECROW.

WHAT THE F***?

[ SNARLING ]

AND...

AS RALPH DROPPED HIS LIGHTER,

THE CREATURE DEVOURED HIM...

SWALLOWED HIS SOUL...

DAMNING HIM FOR ALL ETERNITY.

WAIT, WAIT, SO WAS THERE

MORE THAN ONE SCARECROW?

OR HOW DID IT GET FROM

CAMP TO RALPH SO FAST?

WHO'S TELLIN' THE STORY HERE?

JESUS, TRAV,

IT'S JUST A STORY.

AM I RIGHT, BEC?

HMM?

GOD, STOP FLIRTING

WITH EVERY MALE YOU SEE.

I WASN'T FLIRTING WITH YOU.

OOH, BURN!

COME ON, YOU TWO, LOCK IT UP.

I WANNA HEAR THE REST OF THIS.

NO, COME ON, TRAVIS,

I'VE HEARD ENOUGH.

AW, YOU SCARED?

HOLD UP.

IT'S JUST AN URBAN LEGEND,

RIGHT?

WELL, THERE IS TRUTH TO ALL

URBAN LEGENDS, ISN'T THERE?

SO WHAT HAPPENED?

COME ON, IT KILLED THEM ALL,

RIGHT?

BECAUSE THEY SKINNY DIPPED

AND HAD SEX?

AND GOT DRUNK, AND HIGH.

AND LET'S NOT FORGET,

SOMEBODY DEFILED THE SCARECROW.

AND IT GOT THEM ALL.

EXCEPT...

THE VIRGIN.

[all together]

EXCEPT THE VIRGIN.

WELL, I GUESS I DON'T HAVE TO

TELL THE REST OF THE STORY,

SINCE YOU ALL HAVE I FIGURED OUT.

WAIT, SO...

WAS ALL THIS UP AT THE LAKE,

BY THE HILLS?

AYE, T'WAS, T'WAS.

LET ALL WARY TRAVELERS BEWARE,

SPOIL NOT NATURE.

HEY, WE ARE

ONLY GOING CAMPING.

YEAH, YOU'RE KINDA

HARSHING OUR BUZZES.

YOU CITY FOLK:

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