Return of the Scarecrow Page #3

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ARE ALL THE SAME,

TRAIPSIN' THROUGH NATURE

AND GOIN' WHERE

YOU AREN'T WANTED.

YOU NEED TO LEARN TO RESPEC WHAT ISN'T YOURS.

STRANGE AND DARK THINGS

LURK IN THE NIGHT...

AND IN THOSE WOODS.

YOU'D BEST BE CAREFUL.

[ CLATTERING ]

DAMN IT, DOC!

STOP MAKIN' A MESS!

SORRY, JO.

I GOT ALL CAUGHT UP

IN YOUR STORY.

THIS ISN'T FUNNY, GUYS.

OH, SHE'S JUS TRYING TO SCARE US.

WE WOULD HAVE HEARD ABOUT THIS.

I MEAN, WHY WASN'T I ON THE NEWS?

WAIT A MINUTE,

HOLD THE GODDAMN PHONE.

DOC, DID YOU SAY?

AS IN, DOC FROM THE STORY?

AND THEN, JO?

JO IS SHORT FOR JOSEPHINE?

WAIT, SO YOUR COUSIN WAS

KILLED BY THE SCARECROW?

AND RALPH?

POOR RALPH?

CLEARLY, DOC AND JOSEPHINE

WERE MEMBERS OF THE COVEN

THAT WAS TERRORIZING THE TOWN.

AT LEAST, JOSEPHINE WAS.

WHAT THE F***?

PAY ATTENTION TO THE STORY.

[ LAUGHING ]

HOW ABOUT THIS,

CAN WE GET ONE MORE

ROUND OF SHOTS?

I'LL PICK UP THE TAB, AND THEN

WE'LL GET OUT OF YOUR HAIR.

WOULD YOU STOP THAT?

WHAT?

YOU'RE NOT MY MOM,

QUIT TELLIN' ME WHAT TO DO.

THERE YOU GO, ON THE HOUSE.

WHY THANK YOU, LADY.

I'M REALLY NOT SURE

I WANT ONE.

FINE, YOU CAN DRIVE.

SALUTE!

NOSTROVIA.

HERE'S TO A WEEKEND,

AND HONOR.

HA, YOU WISH!

OH, BEC.

I'LL TELL YOU SOMETIME.

DON'T YOU MEAN SHOW HER?

EW...

HEY, WHATEVER.

LET'S JUST TAKE THESE SHOTS.

I GOTTA RUN TO:

THE LITTLE BOY'S ROOM.

YOU SAID IT, NOT US.

WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS THIS WAY?

WHAT WAY?

YOU'RE JUST WAVING AT ME.

[ LAUGHING ]

YUP.

WHY DID YOU DO THA TO YOUR HAIR?

[ CHUCKLING ]

YOU'RE ALWAYS

ACTING LIKE MY MOM, GOD.

SHOT?

YEAH.

HOLY SH*T.

OH, F***.

YO, HOLY SH*T.

IS THIS DOC RIGHT HERE?

WHAT THE F***, DOC?

YOU WERE OLD BACK THEN, TOO?

HEY, DON'T BE RUDE.

I'VE STAYED YOUNG

ALL THESE YEARS.

MAN, I HOPE TO LOOK

HALF AS GOOD AS YOU, MAN,

WHEN I'M WHATEVER AGE YOU ARE.

AND THEY SAY BLACK DON'T CRACK,

F***.

[ CHUCKLING ]

OH MY GOD,

JOSEPHINE, IS THAT YOU?

YOU WERE SO PRETTY.

YOU'RE STILL SO PRETTY!

YOU'RE TOO KIND.

IS THAT RALPH AND GEORGE?

THEY'RE CUTE.

ALL RIGHT,

THAT'S ENOUGH REMINISCING.

YOU GUYS GO ON, HAVE FUN.

BE SAFE.

DOC.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU FOR BEING SO NICE.

COOL BAR.

I HATE CAMPING.

I'M SURE WE'LL BE BACK.

AT LEAST KEL AND I.

LOOKIN' FORWARD TO IT.

YOU KNOW WHA I'M THINKIN', WYATT?

WELL, I'M A' GUESSIN' I AIN'T THE GEOPOLITICAL UPHEAVAL

OUR COUNTRY'S BEEN GOIN'

THROUGH, NOR THE IMPLICATIONS

OF THE RELIGIONS OF THE WORLD

CONSPIRIN' TO BRING ABOU THE END TIMES, NOR ANY

OF THE SO-CALLED

CONSPIRACIES FACING

OUR CORRUPT BANKING SYSTEM,

OR THE RAMPANT CAPITALISM

FOR THE LAST THREE DECADES.

I MEAN, THAT IS ON MY MIND,

BUT NO.

UH, DWINDLIN' POPULATION OF

THE WORLD'S BEES, AND WHA THAT MEANS WHEN THE CROPS

AREN'T FERTILIZED?

UH, SUPER CORPORATIONS PUSHING

THE GMOs ON THE WORLD,

WHEN IN FACT, IT'S THOSE

SAME CORPORATIONS AND GMOs

ENGINEERING SAID

DISTRACTION OF BEES?

I MEAN, I DO KIND OF HAVE MY

OWN THEORY ON THAT, BUT PERHAPS

WE COULD COVER THA ANOTHER TIME?

PERHAPS...

SPACE EXPLORATION,

AND THE DECLINE:

OF THE SPACE PROGRAM?

NOPE.

TAYLOR SWIFT'S NEW SINGLE?

NO!

WELL, JUDGING BY THE GLEAM

IN YOUR EYE, THE STORY

OLD JOSEPHINE WAS

TELLIN' THEM KIDS,

THE FACT THE ONE WAS SCARED,

ONE WAS RUDE,

AND ONE WAS FLIRTIN' WITH YA,

I'D SAY YOU WANNA GO OU AND SCARE THE EVER-LIVIN'

BEJEEZUS OUT OF THOSE KIDS WITH

SOME OLD SCARECROW OUTFITS, EVEN

THOUGH THAT WOULD NOT BE P.C.

IT'S AMAZIN', MAN.

HOW DID YOU DO THAT WYATT?

YOU KNOW ME SO WELL.

THAT'S PRECISELY WHA I WAS THINKIN', MAN.

WELL WHY COULDN'T YOU

JUST SAY THAT?

I'M IN LIKE FLYNN.

[ CHUCKLING ]

WAIT, WYATT, WHO'S FLYNN?

IT'S JUST AN

EXPRESSION, VIRG.

OH, OKAY.

WHAT DO YOU TWO MISCREANTS

THINK YOU'RE UP TO?!

OH, NOTHIN' JOSEPHINE!

YOU'RE LEAVIN' EARLY

ON FRIDAY NIGHT?

SOMETHIN' SMELLS FISHY.

UH, WELL, YOU DID MAKE US

A FISH FRY EARLIER, MA'AM.

YOU DID DO THAT.

DON'T GET SMAR WITH ME, FOOL.

YOU TWO ARE FIXIN' TO GO UP AND

DO SOMETHING TO THOSE CITY KIDS.

OH, COME ON NOW,

WE WOULDN'T DREAM OF IT.

THAT'S JUST CRUEL, JOSEPHINE.

YOU GO TRAIPSIN' THROUGH

THOSE WOODS, YOU DON'T KNOW

WHAT YOU'LL STIR UP.

OH, COME NOW.

THOSE WAS JUST STORIES YOU WAS

TELLIN' THEM KIDS, RIGHT?

YOU KNOW, FAIRY TALES TO AMUSE

THE FANTASTICALLY BORED,

UNCARING YOUTHS OF

THE TECHNO AGE?

METAPHORS.

METAPHORS AGAINST THE DANGERS

OF PREMARITAL SEX, DRUG USE,

RECKLESS DRINKIN',

AND WILD ABANDON OF YOUTH.

WELL, SINCE YOU TWO

KNOW BETTER, DON'T SAY

I DIDN'T WARN YA.

ANOTHER BEER, DOC?

YOU KNOW, IT JO-JO.

WYATT, HOW DO YOU THINK

SHE KNEW, MAN?

THEY SAY SHE'S A WITCH,

A WOMAN OF THE WOODS.

A WITCH?

COME ON, YOU DON'T BELIEVE

THAT B.S., NOW WHAT--

SHH.

I DUNNO.

I KNOW THAT THERE'S STRANGE

THINGS THAT HAPPEN IN THIS WORLD

THAT ARE BEYOND THE REASONIN'

AND RECKONIN' OF US MORTALS.

BUT IF SHE IS, OR HAPPENS TO BE

A DABBLER IN THE ARTS, I DO NO WISH TO COME AFOUL OF HER.

SO WHAT I'M HEARIN' IS,

YOU DON'T WANNA

SCARE THESE KIDS, NOW?

OH, HELL NO.

WHAT ELSE WE GOT TO DO?

[ LAUGHING ]

LET'S GO.

OH, BOYS...

I AM NOT A WITCH.

[ CHUCKLING ]

AND DON'T COME CRAWLIN' BACK

HERE WHEN YOUR PLAN BACKFIRES!

BYE-BYE!

PRETTY SURE ONE OF THESE

GOTTA BE THE NORTH STAR, RIGHT?

HEY!

THINKIN' I GOT I THIS TIME, MAN.

THANK YOU FOR YET ANOTHER

CONSISTENTLY TERRIBLE IDEA.

MAYBE JUST PRETEND

YOU'RE WORKIN' ON YOUR

SCARY SCARECROW WALK.

SORRY.

HEY, THESE OUTFITS

ARE REALLY STUPID.

[ CHUCKLING ]

YOU GOT A BETTER IDEA, MAN?

COME ON!

WELL, NO, BUT WHY DIDN' WE WAIT UNTIL WE FOUND 'EM

TO PUT ALL THIS CRAP ON?

I MEAN, THEY'RE STAYING OU BY THE OLD LAKE.

GONNA BE THAT WAY

OR THAT WAY, RIGHT?

[ ANIMAL SCREECHING ]

WHA-- OH CRAP, YOU HEAR THAT?

YOUR IMAGINATION

IS RUNNIN' AWAY WITH YOU.

BUT, EH--

JOSEPHINE'S STORIES

ARE MESSIN' WITH YOUR HEAD.

OH, LET'S--

LET'S TRY THIS WAY, HUH?

[ ANIMAL SCREECHING ]

[ POLICE RADIO CHATTER ]

IT'S ABOUT THAT TIME.

MM-HMM.

YOU, UH, HEADED HOME

TO THE MISTER?

GONNA HAVE SOME:

FRIDAY NIGHT ACTIVITIES?

[ CHUCKLING ]

WELL?

DON'T YOU WORRY

ABOUT IT, DEAR.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT--

ABOUT WHAT?

ARE YOU STAYIN' AROUND HERE?

BECAUSE--

WELL, I-- I GOT THIS.

I AM A-OK.

THE SHERIFF APPOINTED ME

HIS RIGHT-HAND MAN.

THE RIGHT HAND OF THE LAW.

MM-HMM, YOU KIDS THESE DAYS.

KIDS?

I THINK I'M OLDER THAN YOU ARE.

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

VERY WELL.

I SUPPOSE THERE'S NOTHING

TO WORRY ABOUT, SINCE YOU HAVE

THAT LAW ENFORCEMENT DEGREE.

CRIMINAL JUSTICE.

CRIMINAL JUSTICE.

WELL, YOU SHOULD BE JUST FINE,

THEN, COMIN' FROM THE BIG CITY,

SHOULDN'T YA?

EVERYONE LOVES ME.

THEY ALL KNOW ME.

I'VE BEEN HERE NEARLY A YEAR.

MM-HMM, I SEE.

YOU KNOW, THERE'S SOME THINGS IN

THIS COUNTRY THAT YOU CITY FOLKS

JUST DON'T KNOW ABOUT.

YOU BETTER WATCH YOURSELF.

LIKE WHAT?

LIKE WITCHES?

MONSTERS?

[ POLICE RADIO CHATTER ]

DON'T BURN THE PLACE DOWN,

MORGAN.

HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND.

YES, MA'AM.

AND DON'T MESS WITH MY DESK.

[ BANJO MUSIC ]

HEY, WYATT?

HUH?

WYATT, DID YOU EVER HEAR ANY

OF THOSE STORIES OL' JOSEPHINE

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