Return of the Scarecrow Page #4

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WAS TELLIN' BEFORE, MAN?

ABOUT THE SCARECROW?

THOSE ARE THE ONES.

VIRG, IF YOU KNEW THE STORIES

I'VE HEARD ABOUT MOST THINGS,

YOU'D NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE.

WHOA-WHOA-WHOA,

SO IT IS TRUE?

I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

SO IT'S NOT TRUE?

DIDN'T SAY THAT EITHER.

WHAT THE HELL:

ARE YOU SAYIN', MAN?

I'M SAYIN', DAMN IT, VIRG,

YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE,

DO YOU?

YOU DUN GOT US LOST!

AIN'T YOU THE OLDER ONE?

AIN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO KNOW

THE WHOLE WOODS LIKE

THE BACK OF YOUR HAND, WYATT?

WELL VIRG, CONSIDERING THIS

WAS YOUR IDEA, I WAS OPERATING

UNDER THE ASSUMPTION THAT YOU

WAS THE LEADER OF THIS HERE

EXPEDITION, AND DESPITE

THE NUMEROUS OCCASIONS

WHEN YOUR PLANS BACKFIRED

UPON US, I WAS GIVIN' YOU

A CHANCE TO SHOW OFF

YOUR LEADERSHIP ABILITY

AND WOODCRAFT LORE.

IT SEEMS I MAY HAVE ERRED.

[ ANIMAL SCREECHING ]

SHH-SHH-SHH!

YOU DON'T HEAR SH*T.

[ ANIMAL SCREECHING LOUDER ]

HOLY CRAP!

HOLY CRAP!

HOLY CRAP!

HOLY CRAP!

OH GOD!

WYATT?

WYATT, IS THAT YOU, MAN?

THIS IS NO TIME TO BE MESSIN'

AROUND WITH ME, WYATT.

YOU OUT THERE?

[ YELPING ]

[ SCREAMING ]

OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD.

[ WHIMPERING ]

DAMN IT, WYATT!

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN', MAN?

TRYIN' TO SCARE THE PISS

OUT OF ME, MAN?

WALKIN' AROUND IN THESE WOODS.

CAN WE JUST GET THE KIDS?

GOD--

[ GROWLING ]

OH.

OH YOU'RE GETTIN' INTO

CHARACTER, I SEE, OKAY.

SAVE IT FOR THEM, MAN.

[ GROWLING ]

HEY!

COME ON!

[ MUSIC ]

[ GROWLING ]

IT'S YOUR TURN.

DO JAMES EARL JONES.

[ CHUCKLING ]

ALL RIGHT.

SIMBA, YOU DELIBERATELY

DISOBEYED ME.

EVERYTHING THE LIGH TOUCHES IS OUR KINGDOM--

[ ANIMAL HOWLING ]

THIS ISN'T FUN ANYMORE.

STOP BEING SUCH A BABY.

I DUNNO, BEC.

THOSE GUYS AT THE BAR

CREEPED ME OUT, TOO.

CAN YOU HELP ME OUT HERE?

I MEAN, IT'S A LITTLE CREEPY,

BUT IT'S FUN, THOUGH.

IT'S NOT FUN ANYMORE.

COME ON, MAN, LIKE,

AN EVIL SCARECROW?

LIKE, I'D BE MORE CREEPED OU ABOUT FUTURE PEDOPHILES

OF AMERICA...

AT THE BAR.

RIGHT?

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYIN'.

IF MISS HUMPS-LOT OVER HERE

DIDN'T FLIRT WITH THEM THE WHOLE

TIME, GETTIN' 'EM ALL RILED UP.

WHATEVER.

YOU WERE REALLY FLIRTY.

WHORISH.

[ INDISTINCT CHATTER ]

[ STICKS CRACKING ]

WHO THE F*** IS OUT THERE?!

I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!

SIT YOUR ASS DOWN!

WHAT THE F*** DO YOU THINK

YOU'RE DOING?

I MEAN, YOU DON'T WANT 'EM

TO KNOW WHERE WE ARE.

YEAH, LIKE THEY CAN'T SEE

THAT IN THE F***IN' DARK.

F*** OFF.

CAN WE PLEASE GO HOME?

ALL RIGHT, COME ON,

COME ON, CALM DOWN.

MAYBE REBECCA WAS RIGHT.

MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST STEP AWAY

FROM THE FIRE:

AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

[ CHUCKLING ]

OH YEAH.

I GOT THIS.

OH MY GOD.

ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES

HAVE DONE WONDERS FOR YOU.

WHO BETTER TO PROTECT US?

NO, HE STAYS WITH ME!

YEAH, LET'S GO

GET US A SCARECROW.

OR A REDNECK.

WHATEVER.

NO.

OH, LET'S GO GET US A

SCARECROW, OR A REDNECK,

WHATEVER-- NO!

I JUST WANNA F***IN' SIT HERE

AND DRINK MY GODDAMN BEER.

LET'S GO!

NOPE, NOPE.

LET'S GO!

[ MUSIC ]

DAGNABBIT, VIRG!

WHAT HAVE YOU GOTTEN US INTO?

I HATE YOU.

OH, SH*T.

IT'S THEM KIDS.

WHAT DO I DO NOW?

DO YOU SEE-- DO YOU--

WHAT THE F*** IS THAT?

OKAY, SHH!

DID YOU SEE?

OKAY.

F***!

YEAH.

WELL, SH*T.

AIN'T THIS GRAND.

ANYBODY HERE?

LOOKIN' FOR US, CREEP?

[ GROANING ]

DO YOU THINK THIS

IS F***ING FUNNY,

TRYING TO SCARE US LIKE THAT?

WE'LL SHOW YOU.

[ GRUNTING ]

VIRG...

[ GROANING ]

[ MUSIC ]

WE DID IT.

YEAH!

WE KILLED IT!

HEY, HEY, HEY!

GET BACK HERE!

[ INDISTINCT YELLING ]

SEE, TOLD YOU, MAN.

REBECCA CAN TAKE CARE

OF HERSELF.

YEAH, I GUESS SO,

BUT I REALLY THOUGH THERE WERE TWO OF 'EM.

I SHALL PROTECT YOU.

MY HERO.

STRANGE THINGS, JO.

I DON'T LIKE IT.

THINK IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT?

WHO'S TO SAY?

IT'S BEEN QUIET FOR YEARS.

YEAH, WELL, CAN'T BE HELPED.

BEST TO PREPARE, JUST IN CASE.

ALL RIGHT,

WE'LL TRY THAT AGAIN.

YOU WANT YOU TO GO HIGH,

AND I'LL GO LOW?

OR YOU WANNA GO LOW?

OH...

I'LL-- I'LL TAKE THE HIGH ROAD.

GOOD CHOICE.

[singing] GLORY GLORY

WAIT.

MINE EYES HAVE SEEN THE COMING

OF THE GLORY OF THE LORD

I GUESS WE DON' KNOW THE LYRICS, FATHER.

WE DON'T KNOW THE LYRICS.

AND SAINTS GO MARCHING IN

GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH

GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH

GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH

HIS TRUTH IS MARCHING ON

OH, THAT'S A WONDERFUL SONG.

WELL DONE, WELL DONE.

WONDERFUL SONG.

I LOVE YOUR VOICE, FATHER.

IT'S LIKE A CHORUS OF ANGELS.

YEAH, I REALLY FEL THE SPIRIT ON THAT ONE.

MAN, I STILL CAN'T SEE

NOTHIN' OUTTA THESE MASKS, MAN.

[ GRUNTING ]

DAMN IT, WYATT,

WE FOUND MORE ASPHALT, MAN.

UNLESS THESE KIDS ARE CAMPIN'

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET,

I DON'T THINK WE GOING

THE RIGHT WAY!

OH CRAP, THERE'S

A CAR COMIN', MAN!

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH

GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH

THEY CAN'T SEE US

LIKE THIS, MAN!

HALLELUJAH:

DEAR GOD,

WHAT IS THAT UP THERE?

OH MY...

YOU SEE THAT?

IT'S HORRIBLE.

[ CAR HORN HONKING ]

COME ON, MAN!

OH GOD, IT'S TERRIBLE!

GO, GO, GO, GO!!!

[ TIRES SQUEALING ]

JESUS CHRIST, WHAT THE HELL?!

OH MY GOD, JESUS CHRIST!

LET'S GET THE F***

OUT OF HERE!

[ BANJO MUSIC ]

[ POLICE RADIO CHATTER ]

[ PHONE RINGING ]

HELLO, GOOD EVENING,

SHERIFF'S STATION.

DEPUTY SHERIFF MORGAN SPEAKING.

WHOA!

WHOA, EASY.

FATHER...

FATHER ROTHSTEIN.

SETTLE DOWN, WHAT--

A WHAT?

UH, REALLY?

YOU DON'T SAY?

AND IT'S A SCARECROW?

OKAY.

OKAY, UH--

SURE, A SCARECROW.

UH, YEAH.

YOU KNOW, FATHER, ISN'T IT--

ISN'T IT A SIN FOR

A MAN OF THE CLOTH TO

PARTICIPATE IN PRANKS ON PEOPLE?

REALLY?

OKAY.

OKAY, SURE.

WELL, DID THE SHERIFF

PUT YOU UP TO THIS?

I BET HE DID.

YEAH, WELL HE'S NO GONNA GET ME OVER AGAIN.

OKAY, WHERE?

OKAY, I'M HEADED THERE

RIGHT NOW.

RIGHT, RIGHT.

MAN OH MAN.

[ DOG BARKING ]

BETTY, I SUSPEC THAT DOG HAS TO GO OUT.

SOMETHIN' OUT THERE

GOT HIM ALL RILED UP.

[ GROWLING ]

[ BARKING ]

ALRIGHTY THEN.

[ BARKING ]

GO ON, NOW!

COME ON, GIT!

GIT!

HA!

[ BARKING CONTINUES ]

[ WHIMPERING ]

LITTLE FELLA:

SEEMS ALL RILED UP OUT THERE.

I'D BEST GO CHECK.

WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER

SKUNK INCIDENT.

OR WORSE.

[ SCOFFING ]

OR WORSE.

[ GROWLING ]

IT'S WORSE.

[ LAUGHING ]

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S

GOTTEN INTO YOU, WYATT,

BUT THAT SURE WAS FUNNY, MAN.

OH, JESUS.

WHERE'S MY PISTOL?

THERE'S SOMETHIN' OUT THERE.

COME ON, MAN.

COME ON.

WYATT, YOU GOT A MEAN

OL' STREAK IN YOU, MAN.

[ GROWLING ]

[ CHUCKLING ]

OKAY, I KINDA FIGURED

YOU'D SAY THAT.

NOW CAN WE STOP FOOLIN' AROUND

AND GO FIND THOSE KIDS?

COME ON, MAN.

HOW ABOUT OREOS?

I LIKE THEM.

HOW ABOUT BEING ONE?

WHAT?

[ PANTING ]

OL' JOSEPHINE WAS RIGHT,

NO GOOD CAN COME OF THIS.

SCARECROW!

WE'RE GONNA GET YA!

[ LAUGHING ]

OH, CHRIST ALL FRIDAY!

COME OUT AND PLAY!

[ BANJO MUSIC PLAYING ]

[ POLICE RADIO CHATTER ]

[ BELL RINGING ]

SHERIFF, SHERIFF!

YOU GOTTA GIVE ME A HAND

ON SOMETHIN'.

HEY, UH, NICE TO SEE YOU DEPUTY.

HOW YA DOIN', BILL?

HOW ARE YA?

GOOD, GOOD.

HOW'S IT GOIN'?

I WAS WONDERIN' IF, POSSIBLY,

UH, YOU COULD GET THE SHERIFF

TO COME OUT OF THE BACK?

I'M HAVIN' A SITUATION

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