Return of the Scarecrow Page #6

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NOW WOULD YOU GO

GET YOUR BELT ON?

YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO DO.

ALL RIGHT,

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[ PHONE RINGING ]

ALL RIGHT.

GO CALL YOUR MOM,

TELL HER YOU MIGHT BE LATE.

AH, YESSS!

ALL RIGHT.

[ BELL RINGING ]

[ PHONE RINGING ]

HOW YOU DOIN' TODAY?

SHERIFF.

I'M THE DEPUTY SHERIFF.

[ PHONE CONTINUES RINGING ]

SHERIFF DEPUTY MORGAN...

SPEAKING.

IS THERE A PROBLEM?

NO THAT'S NOT...

IS THERE A PROBLEM?

TOO AGGRESSIVE.

[ RINGING CONTINUES ]

IS THERE A WAY:

WE CAN RESOLVE THIS?

THERE'S TWO WAYS THA WE COULD FIGURE THIS OUT.

UH, A FRIENDLY MEETING,

SOMEWHERE WITH FOOD,

OR, UH--

YOU GO TO JAIL.

[ ENGINE REVVING ]

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

WHOLE DAMN TOWN'S

IN AN UPROAR.

VIRGIL, THIS IS

A DUMB ASS SHITTIN' IDEA.

YOU'RE STUPID EVEN

FOR INBRED STANDARDS.

DAMN, UGH!

[ SIGHING ]

SCREW IT,

I'M GONNA GET ME A BEER.

NOW WE GOT TO ALL CALM DOWN,

AND NOT BE STUPID.

OR MORE STUPID.

HE'S A DAMN MENACE, SHERIFF!

[ COLLECTIVE SHOUTING ]

I UNDERSTAND, I UNDERSTAND.

DOES ANYBODY HAVE ANY IDEA

WHO COULD BE BEHIND THIS?

I THINK IT WAS A COUPLE

OF GUYS WE SAW DOWN

AT THE TAVERN EARLIER.

SHERIFF, WHAT ARE

YOU DOIN' HERE?

I GOT THIS UNDER CONTROL.

YEAH, I KNOW YOU DO.

THAT SUMBITCH SCARED MY KIDS.

SHERIFF?

YOU MIGHTA LED WITH THAT ONE.

YEAH, I'M SORRY.

IT'S-- YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN

WORRIED ABOUT MY FAMILY, IS ALL.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

LET'S JUST FIND THIS GUY--

GUY, SCARECROW, WHATEVER IT IS.

SAW HIM BY:

THE OLD TANNER FARM.

LET'S GET HIM!

[ COLLECTIVE SHOUTING ]

NOW, HOLD ON!

AH, DAMN.

I BETTER GO WITH THEM.

WELL, HOLD UP.

I'LL GO WITH THEM.

YOU TAKE THESE LADIES OVER TO

THE TAVERN, AND SEE IF

JOSEPHINE KNOWS ANYTHING.

WHAT?

IT'S MORE FUN THAN CAMPING.

[ SIGHING ]

I DON'T THINK OUR IDEAS

OF FUN REALLY MATCH UP.

[ CHUCKLING ]

WOO, HOLY COW, MAN!

SURE IS ITCH AND STUFFY IN HERE.

[ CHUCKLING ]

UGH, TAKE THIS THING OFF.

OOH.

THANKS FOR THE BEERS, JO.

YOU WERE LUCKY YOU DIDN' DO ANYTHING FOOLISH.

MORE FOOLISH.

OKAY, OKAY,

IT WAS A BAD IDEA.

BUT NOW WE'RE JUST GONNA SI HERE AND DRINK OUR BEERS,

RIGHT, BUDDY?

[ GROWLING ]

WHAT THE HELL, MAN?

GAME OVER, DUDE!

FACADE THROUGH, YOU CAN

GET OUT OF CHARACTER NOW.

WYATT, COME ON.

LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT.

UH, VIRG, UM--

[ INDISTINCT GRUMBLING ]

OH, HEY, VIRGIL.

ARE YOU ENJOYING YOUR LIBATION?

WHILE I'VE BEEN OUT--

WHO'S THAT?

WYATT?

MAN, BUT IF YOU'RE YOU,

THEN WHO THE HELL IS--

SH*T.

HI.

[ SNARLING ]

HOLY CRAP!

HOLY CRAP!

[ WHIMPERING ]

GET UP, GET UP!

WHAT THE HELL:

WAS THAT, WYATT?

IT'S A DAMN REAL SCARECROW!

YOU SAID HE WASN'T REAL, MAN!

OH, YOU WANNA GO TELL I IT AIN'T REAL?

WYATT, WHAT ABOUT DOC

AND JOSEPHINE, MAN?

[ PANTING ]

[ GUNFIRE ]

DID THAT GET HIM?

NOPE.

MAKE HIM MAD?

YUP.

[ GROWLING ]

WHATEVER YOU'RE GONNA DO,

YOU'D BETTER DO IT QUICK!

I CAN'T BEAT IT,

NOT ANYMORE, ANYWAY.

BUT I CAN CAST IT OUT.

I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS,

JUST GET RID OF IT!

[ GROWLING ]

BACK!

BACK, FOUL BEAST!

BACK TO THE HELL

FROM WHENCE THOU CAME!

NOW GIT!

[ GROWLING ]

[ SNARLING ]

[ WHIMPERING ]

GET OVER HERE!

COME ON!

I'M SCARED, WYATT!

DISCRETION, VIRG,

IS THE BETTER PART OF VALOR.

WELL, WELL, WELL,

LOOK WHO WE GOT HERE.

WHAT DO YOU TWO A**HOLES THINK

YOU'RE DOING, SCARING PEOPLE

LIKE THAT?

YOU OUGHT TO BE:

ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES.

[ COLLECTIVE YELLING ]

NOW, NOW, NOW,

THIS AIN'T WHAT IT SEEMS.

MMM, LOOKS EXACTLY

LIKE IT SEEMS.

WELL, BE THAT AS IT MAY, AND

MY VERBOSE NATURE TO ARGUE

AGAINST WHAT IT MAY OR MAY NO LOOK LIKE, I MUST INSIST THAT--

WYATT!

HE'S COMIN' MAN!

[ SNARLING ]

SCARECROW.

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT, BECCA?

I DUNNO, KELLY.

SCARECROW.

I CAN SEE THAT.

NO, THE SCARECROW.

THE ONE FROM THE STORY.

IT HAS RETURNED.

LOOKS LIKE HE'S AFTER

YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS.

YOU MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING

TO MAKE HIM MAD.

F*** THIS SH*T.

IT'S JUST ANOTHER IDIO IN A MASK.

LET'S GET HIM.

I GOT THIS.

GET HIM, SHERIFF.

NOW LISTEN, AS ACTING DEPUTY

SHERIFF, I'M GONNA GIVE YOU

TWO CHOICES HERE: THE EASY WAY,

OR THE HARD WAY.

[ GROANING ]

[ BONES CRACKING ]

LET'S GET HIM!

[ SNARLING ]

[ MUSIC ]

[ GROWLING ]

[ GRUNTING ]

[ NERVOUS CHUCKLING ]

ALL RIGHT, YOU FREAK, I'M

GONNA BEAT THE STRAW OUTTA YOU!

[ MUSIC ]

WELL, SHE CERTAINLY IS

A SPIRITED ONE, HUH, WYATT?

THAT SHE IS, VIRG.

THAT SHE IS.

YOU KNOW, I CAN'T HELP BU THINK IT'S OUR DUTY AS FELLOW

HUMAN BEINGS TO MAYBE STEP IN

THERE AND THROW SOME SUPPORT.

NOT 'CAUSE THEY'RE LADIES?

WE COULD USE OUR MANLY SWAGGER

TO SAVE THE DAY?

NO, WYATT.

THAT WOULD JUST BE SEXIST.

BUT I DO THINK IT'S

THE PROPER THING TO DO.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

AGREED.

OKAY.

[ GROWLING ]

THIS AIN'T GOIN'

SO WELL, MAN.

I'M OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS.

YOU CAN'T BEAT IT!

NONE OF YOU CAN!

JUST RUN!

RUN!

[ GROWLING ]

I'M SICK OF THIS SH*T.

[ GRUNTING ]

[ GROANING ]

[ GROWLING ]

[ YELLING ]

[ MUSIC ]

[ PANTING ]

WELL, I'LL BE.

TOLD YOU WE'D BE BACK.

INDEED YOU DID.

I WILL, OF COURSE, HAVE TO

PROPERLY DISPOSE OF ALL THIS.

FOR GOOD THIS TIME, I HOPE.

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABLE

TO HAVE DONE THIS.

WHY NOT?

WELL...

ONLY A CERTAIN TYPE OF PURITY

CAN BANISH THE EVIL.

WHAT-- WHAT ARE THEY TALKIN'

ABOUT, WYATT?

WELL, IF I'M READIN' THIS

RIGHT, AND I LIKE TO THINK THA I AM, UH, WHAT JOSEPHINE IS

SAYING IS THAT THIS LADY AIN' NEVER, UH-- SHE AIN' NEVER BEEN WITH ANYONE.

UH, WHAT DO YOU MEAN,

BEEN WITH ANYONE?

NO, NO, SHE AIN'T, UH--

KNOWN ANYONE.

UH...

UH, VIRG,

IN THE BIBLICAL SENSE.

[ LAUGHING ]

BEC!

SHUT UP, KELLY.

YOU HELPED.

NOW LADIES, THIS IS NOTHING

TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT.

WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE BIT.

[ CHUCKLING ]

YOU DID SAVE THE DAY.

[ CLEARING THROAT ]

MAY I PROPOSE SOMETHIN'?

UH, AFTER THE DAY WE HAVE ALL

HAD, AND THE EVENTS THA WE WOULD LIKELY LOVE TO FORGET,

I RECOMMEND THAT WE REPAIR INTO

THE LOVELY ESTABLISHMENT IN

FRONT OF US, WHERE WE PARTAKE IN

SOME CAROUSES AND SPIRITS

OF THE BARREL-AGED TYPE.

UH, WYATT, I THINK WE DONE

HAD ENOUGH SPIRITS

FOR ONE DAY, MAN.

HE MEANS SHOTS AND BEERS.

OH.

WHY NOT?

COME ON.

THAT'S CELEBRATIN'.

[ LAUGHING ]

[ MUSIC ]

[ MUSIC ]

[ MUSIC ]

[ SIGHING ]

HOW YOU FEEL?

COLD.

COLD.

THERE'S A LOT OF...

DARK CHOCOLATE THINGS THAT COULD

WARM YOU UP RIGHT NOW.

LIKE FUDGE?

YUP.

OR COFFEE.

OR HOT COCOA.

OR-- THERE'S OTHER SH*T.

I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU.

YEAH?

LIKE WHAT?

IT'S REALLY COOL.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

IT'S REALLY, REALLY COLD!

I BROUGHT IT ALL THE WAY

FROM HOME.

I'M LOOKIN' FORWARD TO IT.

YOU KNOW, MY GRANDMA REALLY

HAS A SECRET S'MORE RECIPE.

YEAH, WHAT'S SHE HAVE?

CHOCOLATE?

NO, IT'S A SPECIAL SAUCE.

YEAH?

LIKE, A SPECIAL SPICE.

WHO THE F*** PUTS SPICE

IN A S'MORE?

EVERYONE NEEDS A LITTLE SPICE

IN THEIR LIFE.

[ LASH CRACKING ]

HILDEGARD WANTS TO PLAY.

NOTICE I'M WEARING GLASSES,

AND I'M FAIRLY ATTRACTIVE.

I DIDN'T DIE IN THIS MOVIE,

SO I'M DEFINITELY ABOU TO F***IN' SCORE.

[ MUSIC ]

[singing] AS I WAS GOIN' OVER

THE DARK AND SCARY MOUNTAINS

I SAW AN APPARITION

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