Return of the Secaucus Seven Page #3

guys, but study isn't what I'd call it.

You're heartless. Her parents might

be sitting behind us or something.

Lacey didn't have parents. She was

grown like a bacteria on one of those....

-Frances, those...?

-Petri dishes.

Right. That accounts for

her microscopic talent.

Jesus. Will you give her a

chance? Maybe she's getting better.

She wasn't bad in that thing

we saw her in last year.

Well cast. The director exploited

her personality disorders.

The air sickness bags are

located under your seats.

Katie!

But, lady, the captain

leaves the sea for battle.

Then I shall follow him.

For a lady to

follow a soldier--

'Tis improper for a lady, true,

but for a soldier, 'tis duty.

-My lady, no.

-Yes, Meg. My course is charted.

But if the captain

should learn--

He must not learn. And in

this, I'll need your aid.

The campfire's doused, the battle o'er,

but the vanquished heedless of the cost.

In love's sweet bonds, where captive

held, our hearts in rapture's prison lost.

An attack of Legionnaires'

disease, maybe...

...and we were afraid to

come back and infect the cast.

I'm sure Lacey's immune to

it. She's immune to everything.

Including criticism.

You were right, Mike, she is getting

better. Another 50 years, and who knows?

Well, the play was so stupid.

I liked it.

Fantastic, you go first.

So the gray-haired one says to the

white-haired one, "lsn't she sweet?" Sweet.

Katie.

Come on. This is Lacey they're

talking about. I thought I'd vomit.

But it's supposed to be broad.

There's a difference between being

broad and being like a TV show.

I mean, that was like a

take-off on a play, not a play.

Yeah, maybe you've been

to more plays than I have.

Chip, your parents have taken you to

the theater since you were 6 years old.

Got sort of itchy, huh?

Well, I always do when I see people

on-stage and I think I could do better.

You see all that space

just going to waste.

Boy, there was a couple spaces

there tonight I wanted to jump up...

...and bust into the

"Wabash Cannonball."

It would've helped the play.

-You guys coming with us?

-No, we're gonna walk, okay?

Okay.

-Frances?

-Coming.

-He can handle it.

-I don't know. I think it's freaking him out.

J.T.?

Maybe if we just take the guitar off.

How long was it like that?

It was like that for three

or four months, at least.

-God.

-We didn't talk. We didn't fight.

We didn't make love.

Jesus. Four months?

There'd been periods before that, but this

time all that kept us going was inertia.

You know how sometimes

inertia means staying still...

-...and sometimes staying in motion?

-Right, in physics.

We had this relationship,

and it had its own inertia.

And even when neither of us was getting

anything good out of it anymore...

...it was impossible to stop it.

-I had no idea.

-Nobody had any idea.

-He told me he was gonna be 29.

-He must be freaked out.

-Maybe if we took the guitar off.

-He'd guess.

When was the last time we bought

a cake just for the hell of it?

-He wanted you to stay.

-He said he did.

But I could tell he was relieved that one of us

finally had the strength to break the inertia.

I had no idea. Jeff never said anything.

We've been under the same roof but

we haven't been living together.

I've been living alone, you know?

It's a big deal turning 30. You

feel different about yourself.

Maybe we could take the guitar off.

-Or put on only 29 candles?

-That would really freak him out.

I was depressed for a

week after I turned 30.

Put it in the freezer. It'll keep.

I can't imagine hanging on like that.

You don't think I'm

terrible for walking out?

Hey, if that's the way you felt about

it. You know, I mean, it's your life.

I was worried you wouldn't wanna see me.

It's so hard not to take sides.

Come on, you know me better than that.

You still wanna be my friend?

Of course I wanna be your friend.

I mean, I'm Jeff's friend too.

Well, you're his best friend.

He really depends on you.

Okay, but that doesn't

mean I stop liking you.

I mean, I always liked

you. You know that.

I guess I just wanted to hear it.

-Book.

-Book.

-Six words.

-Six words.

-Third word.

-Third word.

Little word.

-The!

-The.

-Fifth word.

-Fifth word.

Little word. Sounds like "heart."

-Love. Of.

-Sounds like love. Of.

Blank, blank, the blank of blank.

-First word.

-First word.

-Tits. Breasts. Bosoms.

-B*obs. Knockers.

Me. You. Friends!

-Friends.

-Roommates.

Bosom buddies!

-Women! Women. I'm an idiot.

-Women, all right.

-Sixth word.

-Sixth word.

-Wrist. Look. Time. All right.

-Watch. Time. Time?

-Woman blank the blank of time.

-Woman on the Edge of Time!

Forty-one seconds. And I thought

you wouldn't even know it.

I was with you when I read it, Chip.

Yeah.

-Okay, who's next?

-Chip's up.

-Oh, God.

-Okay, do it.

Now, just remember the

signs and don't panic.

Oh, God, I've never

heard of this one either.

Great.

-What did he get?

-Far Tortuga.

-Ready, Chip?

-Ready as I'll ever be.

I hope one of you guys is psychic.

-The watch.

-Oh, yeah.

Okay. Ready? Three seconds.

Two. One. Go!

A book. Two words. First word.

Away, away, away. Gone,

gone, gone. Push, push.

-Over there.

-Over there

Farewell.

-Squint. Squint.

-Nearsighted. Nearsighted?

Reach.

-Here, there, here.

-Spot. Place.

Walking. Walking. Going to.

Place to place. Coast to coast!

-Try a "sounds like."

-No coaching, Irene.

Sounds like.

Fingers.

-Gooey. Gooey fingers.

-Fast fingers.

Hot fingers.

Shoot! Shooting! Shooting!

-Trigger finger, trigger finger.

-Chip, try the second word, okay?

Second word.

-Second word.

-Second word.

-South American tree sloth.

-Orangutan.

Monkey fingers.

-No, it's old.

-Old.

A kind of dinosaur. A triceratops.

-Brontosaurus.

-Stegosaurus, ichthyosaurus, diplodocus...

-...brachiosaurus, Tyrannosaurus Rex.

-What's the kind that swims?

A dinosaur with palsy!

-No, he says he's not a dinosaur.

-Okay.

-Fish.

-Fins.

-Tortoise. Tortoise.

-Tortoise and the turtle!

-Tortoise and the Hare!

-Turtle fingers!

We forgot to tell them.

Irene and Chip.

About the bed.

-Didn't we?

-I didn't. Did you?

I can't remember.

He is kind of straight.

-Seems like a nice guy, though.

-I suppose.

I hope it's good for Irene.

She seems pretty happy about it.

Better than when she was

with that what's-his-name...

...that guy who used

to eat all her medicine.

-Dwight.

-Dwight.

-What a loser.

-She thought she could help him.

Three years of cold turkey

couldn't have helped him.

Dude was a walking drugstore.

He even used to eat her

Gantrisin when she had cystitis.

She seems better with this guy

than when she was with Dwight.

Or when she was with J.T.

Or J.T.

J.T.

-Can't sleep?

-No.

Me neither.

-How you feeling?

-I don't know, funny.

It's so different not to

be, like, attached to Jeff.

I feel like a different person.

You don't seem so different.

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