Return of the Secaucus Seven Page #7

program gave it to me.

-You're serious.

-I'm not sure if he meant it as a present...

...or to prove he wasn't doing

it himself anymore or what.

What are you carrying it around for?

I don't know. I've been

holding it a week or two now.

Christ, Jeff.

You know, with all the drugs we used to

do, I never even saw any of this stuff.

The guys say there's

nothing quite like it.

Yeah.

Here. It makes me nervous.

Of course, anything you gotta put in

yourself with a needle makes me nervous.

What can you do on a snowmobile?

I mean, you can ride in the snow...

-...it sounds like a chainsaw--

-Snowmobile demolition derbies.

Snowmobile jousting, drag racing, tug

of wars, barrel jumping, marathons.

-Ron, what are you doing up there?

-Trying to explain. Picture this.

First Annual Mt. Washington

Valley Snowmobile Open.

You get a big star.... Barry

Manilow, right? Puts his name on it.

Every day the sports announcer says,

"Latest developments from the...

...Barry Manilow Snowmobile Open."

-I almost think you're serious.

-Doc, wait up.

I didn't tell you about the

snowmobile singles weekend.

And do you have any comment

on the tomato, senator?

You know, I've always been a student

of the history of the tomato...

...and a great admirer of some of

the outstanding tomatoes of the past.

Among the most colorful and dynamic

vegetables that this country has...

-...the tomato is a--

-It's a fleshy fruit, sir.

Pardon?

A fleshy fruit. That's how the

tomato is classified, not a vegetable.

Well, I'm always glad to be

corrected if I am in error.

Damn staff, where are they?

I can't help but remember

back when Jack Kennedy and I...

...were freshmen senators together.

Sitting down to our lunches

in the Senate commissary.

Jack and I would be moved by

the fresh, red Maryland tomatoes.

Then you could be

classified as pro-tomato.

I don't think it's really a pro or con

issue. There are mitigating circumstances.

Mitigating circumstances. The senator is

the master of the mitigating circumstance.

We had six drafts of a speech

on the legalization of marijuana.

-Seven.

-Right. Seven.

And not until we came up with one that said

absolutely nothing was the senator happy.

-How does he stand on it?

-He's never heard of the stuff.

There is a bit of a panic on lately.

Used to be you could get a contact high...

-...just walking into the boys' room at school.

-God, I'd love to get stoned.

Spoken like a true drug counselor.

Whatever happened to

the Nashville connection?

Well, my credit rating sunk

pretty low in certain quarters.

-I haven't smoked dope in so long.

-I know. Memory lane.

-I've got some.

-Dope?

Only a couple of joints' worth.

It's pretty potent, though.

-It's in the glove compartment.

-Sounds great.

Okay.

-Is it any good?

-Dynamite.

Stoned again.

-Can I have a bottle of Lite, please?

-Sure.

You know what it's like?

-It's like-- Remember that

guy, Ace? Ace.... -Ace Campana.

Ace Campana. 11th grade,

he buys that old T-bird.

-With the lightning bolt painted on the side?

-Right, right, right.

And every day after school he's

down at the Texaco station...

...pumping gas to pay for the insurance.

Every minute of every weekend

he's under the f***ing thing.

He's got grease under his fingernails,

grease in the cracks between his teeth.

-He had a name for it, didn't he?

-Spitfire. Like the fighter plane.

He had to do more work to

support that f***ing car.

-But when he bombed down Main Street--

-That's my point. That's my point.

He felt like a king. That car was like

his girlfriend. Like his baby, right?

Only he didn't have

time for anything else.

You thought of Ace, you

thought of that old T-bird.

Like one of those Greek

things. The horse ones?

-Centaurs. -Centaurs.

Half man and half T-bird.

Anyhow, that's what it's

like having these kids.

-It can't be all that bad, Howie.

-It's not that it's bad, it's all the work.

All the time you gotta put in.

I don't give a rat's ass for the senator except

when you put him up against the alternative.

Well, there are other alternatives

besides who the Republicans put up.

None who could take the

state though, believe me.

Well, I guess if you're into, you

know, ballads, it's just that it's--

-Well, it's so corny.

-Lee's a rock critic.

-No sh*t. You get paid for it and all?

-A bit.

I have a column.

Paid to listen to records. Jesus.

-You girls up from Boston?

-We've got some friends.

-They run a restaurant here.

-So listen. What kind of music do you like?

Oh, progressive rock, mostly.

-Which is that?

-Oh, King Crimson, Yes, Genesis, Rush....

Right, right. Heavy

metal goes to college.

Just kidding. It's a joke.

Well, it's the only thing

playing now with any kind of...

...sophisticated melody line that

still has its, you know, innocence.

-Innocence, yeah.

-J.T.'s a country singer.

Really? Like, professionally?

You get paid for it?

-A bit, yeah.

-Getting paid to shovel corn.

-Hey.

-Now, that's my main problem with country.

It's lost its innocence.

Yeah, lost it to Cowboy Copus in the

back of a '56 Chevy. I remember the night.

And then sometimes I'll go out with Carol,

and we got all three of them with us...

...and none of them is screaming and

they're being good and they're my kids.

You know, they're-- I

want everybody to look.

Stacey. Stacey's....

She's a little person.

She's got little arms and little legs

that work and she talks now and....

And she's a person. And she

didn't used to be there before.

Except for Carol and

me, she wouldn't exist.

I feel like Ace Campana must

have. Bombing down Main Street.

I feel like Ace Campana must

have. Bombing down Main Street.

Hey, Howie, when you

due back on the desk?

Don't remind me. I'll have

another and then I'll go down.

There's a perfect example.

It's my day off, right?

And no deliveries...

...I gotta go moonlight being

the desk clerk. Wears you down.

Yeah. I'd like to see

your kids sometime, Howie.

Yeah. Tell you one thing: They beat

the hell out of a f***ing T-bird.

-You think it does any good at all?

-If I didn't I wouldn't be there.

I have a very limited,

very subtle kind of power.

But I do think it's had some influence.

I'm able to divert a little bit of the state's

power off to the people who really need it.

And what about Chip?

Chip still cries when he

hears the Gettysburg Address.

My problem is the repetitiveness.

Women, wine and white

line fever, over and over.

Whereas progressive is existential.

You got these chromatic melodies,

right, to use for, like...

...a springboard into

all kinds of experiments.

Even the backbeat is full of nuances.

You know that there's a central

rhythmic idea going on...

...but you're never quite

sure when it's gonna pop up.

Now, you put your....

Your counterpoint on top of that,

your passing tones, your arpeggios...

...your polyrhythms, your parallel

scales, your focal harmonies...

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